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I Don't Love Him the Same

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
Whew!!!! I said it! Now how to tell my husband. We've been married 10 years. We married in our 30's. He was football coach. Over time, I feel I've sacrificed my career and who I was to pursue his dreams. He's often made poor decisions, quick and not well thought out. He'd ask my thoughts but eventually convince himself he'd made the right choice.
He's had affais and caught in lies regarding them.

He is needy. His upbringing was something I can't fathom and if people want to believe that the BS the do to and subject their children to has no impact on them in their adult lives...they are crazy!!! He's so disconnected, but he gets some credit for trying.


Why stay? A question I've asked myself a hundred times. As an educated woman, I come up with a hundred reasons...and you could probably imagine many of them.

Yesterday we had a conversation and he referenced a comment I had made earlier in the day. He said it seemed the comment had a deeper meaning. He said something felt different with that comment.

I touched on how I felt out over our current situation which is a direct spin off of something stupid he did last year. It cost him big!!! Cost us!!!Because we always pay the price. I told him the past year was f*ed up. I'm sure he was a little shocked to hear that from his "Christian girl" wife. He went on to tell me how things were slowly improving. I was thinking to myself...all of the sh** and you thought I'd still feel the same???? God is great and greatly to be praised but er uh....just like that upbringing...your decisions have impacted me.

Should've left when we had money. Now we've had to start over financially and I feel stuck. So far from the place I called home. If my mother were alive I'd get there the best way I could...with nothing, lol. I need to win the lottery, lol!!

I don't believe for one minute that this is what God intended for me or my life. I will have to tell him that my feelings have changed. I love him but not the same as before.

Now...message to the mean and nasty trollers...I didn't post this for you to bash me. Keep those comments to yourself. I'm sure there is a bonfire of misery you like to start along your trolling path...keep it moving!!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lapcounter
by Race Mom on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Just tell him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:02 AM

Im sorry,I couldn't imagine living a life like you.

kgsharber
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry. Reading the part about wanting to go home to mom broke my heart a little for you.

You just do what's best for you, sounds like that's what he's doing.
KsAangel25
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think there's anything to bash. You're going through some pretty tough stuff and I'm sorry for that. Be honest to him about how you feel. If leaving him is best for you then do it. You inevitably need to put yourself first since it doesn't sound like he does. Good luck
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:09 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel the same unfortunately but I've been hoping for years we could fix it. Still hoping. I live with huge regret. I don't regret my kids at all, but I think deep down I knew marrying my dh wasn't the right thing but I was insecure and young and it was the safe choice. Now I'm stuck. I will say if he ever cheated, it would be over. I could never forgive that. Good luck in whatever you do. It's such a hard choice to make.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:17 AM
Do you have children together? I'm in a VERY similar situation and I would have left long ago, except that he plays dirty when it comes to the kids- so I just suck it up and continue living in a loveless marriage. My husband makes bad financial decision after bad financial decision and where we once lived in a beautiful home and had everything we needed and most of what we wanted, we are now all but destitute. I totally understand how living like this can just suck the life out of you. I feel like a shell of the bright, spirited, joyful person I once was. Now I'm just in survival mode. I don't recognize myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous 4: Do you have children together? I'm in a VERY similar situation and I would have left long ago, except that he plays dirty when it comes to the kids- so I just suck it up and continue living in a loveless marriage. My husband makes bad financial decision after bad financial decision and where we once lived in a beautiful home and had everything we needed and most of what we wanted, we are now all but destitute. I totally understand how living like this can just suck the life out of you. I feel like a shell of the bright, spirited, joyful person I once was. Now I'm just in survival mode. I don't recognize myself.

Yes there are children involved or I would have been gone too!!!  LOL...He would have been trying to fgure out if it was real that he was ever married!  Having the life sucked out of you is bad.  However, I keep getting my time in with the Almighty!!!  I am praying and looking for another job that will pay more. This last move put us in a place that has not so great salaries but a cost of living out of this world!  I too look in the mirror and wonder where did "she" go. I'm still independent in most regards...I have never really asked him to do anything that I can do myslef.  I don't consult him on many of my decisions...espcially those that do not directly impact him. Yes, survival maode but there is still hope in that!!!  Hang in there!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:31 AM


Quoting lapcounter: Just tell him.

After a comment he made yesterday, I agree.  Not sure how or when, but it needs to be very soon so I can reference his comment about him feeling things have changed.  What rock has his head been under???  I don't know.  I think he'd understand that after all of this crap.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:34 AM


Quoting Anonymous 2:

Im sorry,I couldn't imagine living a life like you.

I never imagined it either!  However, I am fully aware it could always be worse! So...I've got to make it better :)!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:41 AM


Quoting Anonymous 3: I feel the same unfortunately but I've been hoping for years we could fix it. Still hoping. I live with huge regret. I don't regret my kids at all, but I think deep down I knew marrying my dh wasn't the right thing but I was insecure and young and it was the safe choice. Now I'm stuck. I will say if he ever cheated, it would be over. I could never forgive that. Good luck in whatever you do. It's such a hard choice to make.

Never regret the kids...even though I didn't want any initially.  They are my joy and I wouldn't trade them or give them up for anything!!! I have wondered the same thing because I don't believe God brings mess together, lol.  I believe we have free will and over time people change and make choices that negatively impact and hurt others. I can forgive...but won't ever forget.  Lord knows my thoughts are no less bad than his actions...only no one sees; they aren't justified because of his actions or lack thereof.  No sin hierarchy here.  It's a hard choice but again, I don't think this is what God intended for y life.  Now, I do have some decisions to make.  As far as I'm concerned this could be easy but he will make it hard.

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