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I might have to walk away from the only man who has ever treated me right

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 144 Replies
I don't ask for a lot. I'm very low key. But I did tell my boyfriend that I wanted to be married before he and I started planning on moving in together. He told me he thinks it's better to see if we can stand each other first. I understand that but at the same time, we've been together for four years. You're either sure or you aren't and you're basically telling me that you aren't. I did not make any demands, I simply told him we wouldn't be signing anything until I had a proposal. Almost a year has gone by since those conversations and I haven't brought it up since except to say, I actually really like your last name, would love to have it. I said that because he was complaining about how hard it is to pronounce.

Anyway, the time has come. My lease is almost up. He has packed, gave notice for his own landlord, hired a moving company, and put in an application on the house we agreed on. I haven't done jack because he hasn't proposed to me.

I have nothing else to complain about. He's wonderful to us. Amazing. I pinch myself sometimes. But apparently he either doesn't realize how much this means to me or he thinks I'll get over it. Either way, I'm hurt. What to do?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
katydid150
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:33 PM
9 moms liked this
I say move in with him and make sure you two can live together before marriage. I never would have married DH without a test run first.
wilky5
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:35 PM
I think he has a point. Living with someone 24/7 is a hell of a lot different than dating. Maybe tell him he has until the new lease is up to get engaged?
lancet98
by Ruby Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:37 PM
11 moms liked this

It does not sound like you two have any values in common.   Neither of you will compromise in what you want.  Which means that you cannot have a healthy relationship.

o.O....
by Cara on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:37 PM
He has a good point...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:38 PM
Really? This is the only thing we have ever disagreed about. Well, that, and how you're supposed to load a dishwasher.

Quoting lancet98:

It does not sound like you two have any values in common.   Neither of you will compromise in what you want.  Which means that you cannot have a healthy relationship.

jamamama00
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:39 PM
3 moms liked this
Why did you agree to the house knowing he hadn't met your demand?
MamaRae85
by *you're on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:44 PM
2 moms liked this

If neither of you budges, then it would probably be best to split up. That's a pretty major thing to disagree on, and you can't exactly compromise with engagement. There's nothing wrong with not being ready to get married, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to move in before then. Neither of you is wrong, you just want different things.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:45 PM
We didn't go looking at houses. We know the owner. We both agreed it would be the perfect fit, that was what I meant. I didn't sign anything or apply for it.

Quoting jamamama00: Why did you agree to the house knowing he hadn't met your demand?
chanizen
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:47 PM
3 moms liked this
I dated a guy for 9 years. He was like this. And it was true. He wasn't ready and was never going to be. But I wanted a family. So asta to him!

Best decision ever.

I wouldn't move in. I would move on
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:47 PM
Why doesn't he want to marry you? Is he the father of your child?
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