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I should die

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

I feel like I should die because I dont see any hope of my situation getting better. I dont want to die though I want to raise my kids and be happy. I cant fix my problems though and they will only get worse. But I dont know what will happen to my kids because there is no one. They have no aunts no uncles no dad no one. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
blessbest
by KristinMom on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:44 PM
What's your situation??
Please hang in there Hon, prayers and positive vibes your way.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:50 PM

Well depression has gotten the best of me over the years. It has affected my life in a negative way. I let things go because I didnt know how to deal with the situation. So I treid to make the best of it. But in doing so I have caused more problems. It got to where I could not or did not properly take care of my home. I cant get it right. I dont have no one but my kids and Im not good enough for them. They deserve so much more for a mother and I have failed. Espically failed my youngest. I used to be well put together and organized. Happy with friends and able to get out and do things. I have since become a prisioner of my own in my own home trapped in my own mind with no one. Im alone and no one wants me and that scares me. I face every challenge alone and I dont want to grow old alone. I feel like something bad is wrong with me. I do have an appt with the dr but its not till next week. 

Quoting blessbest: What's your situation?? Please hang in there Hon, prayers and positive vibes your way.


blessbest
by KristinMom on Mar. 16, 2015 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this
My reply might be the best, but please hang in there. Those kids need their mom, I couldn't have survived without my mom as a child..

Go out, make new friends, be involved in stuffs in your community. It helps.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Well depression has gotten the best of me over the years. It has affected my life in a negative way. I let things go because I didnt know how to deal with the situation. So I treid to make the best of it. But in doing so I have caused more problems. It got to where I could not or did not properly take care of my home. I cant get it right. I dont have no one but my kids and Im not good enough for them. They deserve so much more for a mother and I have failed. Espically failed my youngest. I used to be well put together and organized. Happy with friends and able to get out and do things. I have since become a prisioner of my own in my own home trapped in my own mind with no one. Im alone and no one wants me and that scares me. I face every challenge alone and I dont want to grow old alone. I feel like something bad is wrong with me. I do have an appt with the dr but its not till next week. 

Quoting blessbest: What's your situation??
Please hang in there Hon, prayers and positive vibes your way.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:01 AM

I tried to get in vlovled with red cross but the guy I was helping retired and now they dont want my help. I tried to make new friends and that didnt go over to well. I just quit and have basically been keeping to myself for the last two years since that happend. I cut all the people out and tried to start over and it didnt work. I dont feel worthy or like I fit in this world. I feel like an outcast. I love my kids so much and want to be there with them but what good am I like this? I cant even provide a proper home for them.

Quoting blessbest: My reply might be the best, but please hang in there. Those kids need their mom, I couldn't have survived without my mom as a child.. Go out, make new friends, be involved in stuffs in your community. It helps.
Quoting Anonymous 1:

Well depression has gotten the best of me over the years. It has affected my life in a negative way. I let things go because I didnt know how to deal with the situation. So I treid to make the best of it. But in doing so I have caused more problems. It got to where I could not or did not properly take care of my home. I cant get it right. I dont have no one but my kids and Im not good enough for them. They deserve so much more for a mother and I have failed. Espically failed my youngest. I used to be well put together and organized. Happy with friends and able to get out and do things. I have since become a prisioner of my own in my own home trapped in my own mind with no one. Im alone and no one wants me and that scares me. I face every challenge alone and I dont want to grow old alone. I feel like something bad is wrong with me. I do have an appt with the dr but its not till next week. 

Quoting blessbest: What's your situation?? Please hang in there Hon, prayers and positive vibes your way.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:15 AM
2 moms liked this
I wish I could offer some amazingly inspirational words of wisdom but I don't want to feed you some touchy feely hallmark line. Here's what I got...

I grew up with a very abusive "mother". Her sister, my aunt, tried her hardest to be a motherly figure in my life as did my grandmother. My father passed when I was 6 years old. I took care of my brother like he was my child, someone had to care for him. I grew up feeling so unloved and unwanted. Even though my "mother" was alive she was far from well. She drank ALL THE TIME, she did drugs, fell hard for random men and would allow them to abuse me physically and emotionally. Everyday I felt like why do I bother? Who would miss me? I was truly in a deep dark place and I feared I could never get out. Then I had a child of my own. The love I felt for her, I couldn't imagine leaving her no matter how bad I was feeling she brought joy I didn't know I could ever feel. Little by little I got happier, I felt better because of my baby girl.

You love your children, you have been dealt hard cards and are going through a rough time. Hearing you say how you love them & live for them...that is reason enough. I know it's hard when you feel alone. Join a group, maybe volunteer at a church. Join a gym or get your children involved in extra curricular activities. Everyday that you are with your children and showing them what they mean to you, will mean the world to them! Things will get better, I can promise you that! It may not happen today, tomorrow, or next week but it will happen! Trust in that (:
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:20 AM

For years things have gotten progessivly worse. I  dont know how much longer I can hold on to wait for things to get better. I see not light at the end of the tunnel. Its all dark Im trying I want things to get better but they keep getting worse and harder

Quoting Anonymous 2: I wish I could offer some amazingly inspirational words of wisdom but I don't want to feed you some touchy feely hallmark line. Here's what I got... I grew up with a very abusive "mother". Her sister, my aunt, tried her hardest to be a motherly figure in my life as did my grandmother. My father passed when I was 6 years old. I took care of my brother like he was my child, someone had to care for him. I grew up feeling so unloved and unwanted. Even though my "mother" was alive she was far from well. She drank ALL THE TIME, she did drugs, fell hard for random men and would allow them to abuse me physically and emotionally. Everyday I felt like why do I bother? Who would miss me? I was truly in a deep dark place and I feared I could never get out. Then I had a child of my own. The love I felt for her, I couldn't imagine leaving her no matter how bad I was feeling she brought joy I didn't know I could ever feel. Little by little I got happier, I felt better because of my baby girl. You love your children, you have been dealt hard cards and are going through a rough time. Hearing you say how you love them & live for them...that is reason enough. I know it's hard when you feel alone. Join a group, maybe volunteer at a church. Join a gym or get your children involved in extra curricular activities. Everyday that you are with your children and showing them what they mean to you, will mean the world to them! Things will get better, I can promise you that! It may not happen today, tomorrow, or next week but it will happen! Trust in that (:


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:32 AM
Believe me hun, I know. I felt that way from the time I was 6 until I was 18. I never imagined things would get better but they did. It was very slow and at times I thought things were going great and then I'd get slammed with a crap storm that just slapped me right back into complete darkness. But it got better again. I always envied people who seemed to have these bright and bubbly lives, I've never had that. Life has gotten better for me but I still have my dark days, I can only hope one day the darkness will all be behind me but I don't know that will ever happen.

My point is...and I know how stupid it sounds...but it is always darkest before the dawn. I believe that things will get better even when it seems impossible for that to happen, you have to believe this too. For me, I find comfort not just in my children but I work out. The intensity and feeling I get when I make it through something that is physically and mentally hard, makes me feel good. Maybe that could help you. Maybe joining a support group at a church or talking to a counselor will help you. You have to believe it will get better, even when it feels improbable because it will!

Your kids are worth the fight and so are you!

Quoting Anonymous 1:

For years things have gotten progessivly worse. I  dont know how much longer I can hold on to wait for things to get better. I see not light at the end of the tunnel. Its all dark Im trying I want things to get better but they keep getting worse and harder

Quoting Anonymous 2: I wish I could offer some amazingly inspirational words of wisdom but I don't want to feed you some touchy feely hallmark line. Here's what I got...

I grew up with a very abusive "mother". Her sister, my aunt, tried her hardest to be a motherly figure in my life as did my grandmother. My father passed when I was 6 years old. I took care of my brother like he was my child, someone had to care for him. I grew up feeling so unloved and unwanted. Even though my "mother" was alive she was far from well. She drank ALL THE TIME, she did drugs, fell hard for random men and would allow them to abuse me physically and emotionally. Everyday I felt like why do I bother? Who would miss me? I was truly in a deep dark place and I feared I could never get out. Then I had a child of my own. The love I felt for her, I couldn't imagine leaving her no matter how bad I was feeling she brought joy I didn't know I could ever feel. Little by little I got happier, I felt better because of my baby girl.

You love your children, you have been dealt hard cards and are going through a rough time. Hearing you say how you love them & live for them...that is reason enough. I know it's hard when you feel alone. Join a group, maybe volunteer at a church. Join a gym or get your children involved in extra curricular activities. Everyday that you are with your children and showing them what they mean to you, will mean the world to them! Things will get better, I can promise you that! It may not happen today, tomorrow, or next week but it will happen! Trust in that (:

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:37 AM
Oh I feel so bad for you, I was about to put up a post about anxiety and panic attacks. I have dealt with it for 14 years but please don't give up. Obviously you are very depressed and you need to reach out to someone in the world. Starting here is a good place. We always think we have nobody but I'm sure there is someone, anyone you could talk to. Don't suffer alone, maybe check out hotliness you could ring and try talk to someone. Are you religious even, a pastor or priest. Don't suffer in silence tho xxx
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:37 AM
I feel this way all the time. Light at the end of the tunnel what light? Not for me i just feel like im in a deep dark cave every day.
NellieKane
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:44 AM
I know this does not help, but you are not alone. A lot of people have felt that way or feel that way now. I've experienced that vicious cycle. And, it SUCKS!!

I truly hope things turn around for you.
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