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My Dd brought home a man for me to meet, but I'm married

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 61 Replies
At first I was pissed. She didn't give me a heads up. I know she means well, and the gentleman she brought home for Easter whom she works with seemed very sweet and personable. Someone I'd like to get to know better.

Dh has been sick for some time. He has MS and had been hospitalized for the last 5 years. He is not coming out. He is slowly deteriorating. Some days I'm not sure he knows I'm there. Most days I spend at the hospital just being with him. I miss him. The way he was. When we married, I vowed to be with him until death parted us. I plan to keep that vow.
My daughter sees the toll this is taking on me. She sees how lonely I am. How I long for companionship. I am young. I'm in my 40's.
She sees no reason that I should be alone. She has been saying for some time that dad is not getting better, he's not coming home, and he would want me to move on. She's not asking me to sleep with the man, just a friend, whom, I've come to find out during dinner is in a similar situation.

I feel weird about it. I'm not sure how to feel. I would never abandon my dh in his time of need, but truthfully, he could be like this for years. The doctors say the damage is irreversible. It's more about keeping him comfortable now.

Is it wrong to pursue outside relationships? I'm torn. I don't want to live my life as a shell of a person, but I feel guilty if I open my heart and allow myself to find happiness.

Thank you for listening
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LalasMommy1125
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:29 PM
This is tough and I have no advice. I just wanted to say you're in my thoughts. I hope you find the best solution for you.
drowningmama
by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:30 PM
I would personally wait.
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nicole.mazer
by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Here's a bump as I'm not sure what to do in this situation. I feel strongly that you stay with your husband in his time of need (I'm sure he would want to do the same for you, if you have a strong relationship) and not abandon him when he needs you most.

However, it is not wrong to pursue outside relationships to help ease your loneliness, and it is not wrong to have male friends as long as they don't go to the next level.

Best of luck to you. You're in my thoughts, and I wish your husband well.

ame85
by Chemistry cat on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this
I would not pursue a relationship. Friendship is one thing, but no courtship while your husband is still living.

I am sorry you're going through this and will send prayers your way.
PinkButterfly66
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:34 PM

You need to do what you feel is right for you.  Me, personally, I take my vows very seriously.  Especially the 'until death do us part' portion.  I'm in it for the long haul, no matter what.

iwicked
by Sugar Magnolia on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:36 PM
3 moms liked this
Your dd sounds like a piece of work.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:36 PM
How old is your dd? She should have known better than to do it while your dh is still alive.

I'm sorry, ms is a terrible illness. But you vowedto love him until death. I understand that you must be lonely and stressed but a better approach would be too make new friends.
katyusha42
by Metal Kitty on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I do not feel like its wrong to pursue a friendship with this man. You said he is going through something similar and having someone to talk and relate to can help. Only you can decide when and if to take it further than a friendship. My mom suffered in silence when my step-dad got ill and went into hospice and even though I tried to be there for her it was impossible to know what she was going through. I wish she would have had a friend during that time she could relate to. 

MilkLover0203
by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. I can't imagine doing that to one of my parents. It'd be hard enough seeing my father lay sick in a hospital bed.

Quoting iwicked: Your dd sounds like a piece of work.
MilkLover0203
by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 5:48 PM
I'd wait. Even starting a friendship is trouble. Unless it is an already established friendship. If you end up with feelings for this dude, you're gonna feel so much guilt even if you did nothing.
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