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molestation accusation help

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies
My niece was molested years ago. For a while, she would act out, basically things that happened to her.

I spoke with het therapist about it bc i wasn't sure what to do. She never did anything against my son but she would to other little boys (that she could overpower). She also couldn't understand the concept of 'private time is in her room only' (catching her playing with herself on the couch with ds sitting next to her).

Eventually, she stopped acting out, her foster mom felt like it would be ok if we did overnight visits. I checked out with my background, spoke with her therapist, spoke with the case manager- everyone was on the same page. More recently, she was legally allowed to go on overnight visits with her dad, the one she originally accused (never charged since she/her story wasn't old enough to stand up in court). Ftr, yes, i do believe her. Before he was allowed visits, they did a home check and it looked like he had a room set up for just her. Turns out, he didn't and she was sleeping in the same bed with her dad and his gf.

That stopped when she told the caseworker about it. But my overnights didn't (she sleeps in the guest room and i have a separate dresser for her clothes as well as a toy box of her toys that i pull into the guest room when she's here)- also checked out by cps/the caseworker.

That being said, i still didn't let the kids play by themselves. If ds wanted to play in the play room, I'd keep her with me and we'd do whatever she wanted. If she wanted in the play room, I'd keep ds with me or he'd go outside to play with his friends. If they both wanted to play together in there, I'd join in. More than likely, we'd go somewhere fun- chuck e cheese, sky zone, etc.

Except now, she said ds held her down and wouldn't let her up. I cannot think of any time this happened unless she means that she was restricted in one section of the play room (not held down but "a prisoner") and ds would have to fight the dragon (me) to free the princess... it'd go between that or ds was in jail and she'd have to fight the guard (me) to free him.

That's the only thing i can think of where she wasn't allowed to get up. Ftr- she'd be standing, nothing was holding her down and she always has the option to say she doesn't want to play.

Part of me feels it's in both their best interest to stop overnights here. Idk if something recently happened to where this is starting up again (last week, she started playing with herself again), or its just past memories... right now, I've only spoken with her foster mom but she has a meeting with the case worker on Monday that I've been invited to go to.

There is always the option of going to the foster home, with ds, so they can still play together (supervised, of course)... but as his mom, I'm worried about what if she continues to accuse him? She's never expressed that she didn't want to go to my home, anytime i go there without ds, the first thing out of her mouth is where is ds at... and if today is the day she gets to come to my house.

I know you guys aren't caseworkers, but maybe someone has dealt with this before and can give me advice on how to handle it. What steps i should take with both her and my son.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2015 at 1:35 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Lunarprancer
by Betsy on Apr. 10, 2015 at 1:39 PM

 Wow, that is a whole lot of sad.  I have no idea, but here's a bump.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 10, 2015 at 1:40 PM

ages of her and your son?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 10, 2015 at 1:41 PM
I don't have any advice, except do what you believe is best for your son. We all love our nieces and nephews and want to help when times are like this, that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Can you do supervised for a bit, then maybe try visits in your home again later?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2015 at 1:58 PM
My son recently turned 9. She'll be 7 in a few months

Quoting Anonymous 2:

ages of her and your son?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:02 PM
I think that's what I'm gonna suggest. But it still worries me bc what if I'm the future, this happens again? I cannot ever think of a time when they were alone together, for ds to ever have held her down. And it sucks bc i feel for her too. How long will her past affect her future? Will she never be able to go to a friends house for sleep overs bc of this? Will i always have that fear that she'll abuse ds of something like this?

I know that i don't want to ruin their relationship, they are both cut off from their siblings, from their families so on this side, they are all they have. But it may be something that will always have to be supervised.

Quoting Anonymous 3: I don't have any advice, except do what you believe is best for your son. We all love our nieces and nephews and want to help when times are like this, that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Can you do supervised for a bit, then maybe try visits in your home again later?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:07 PM
I honestly don't know. I know he had supervised visits for a while, at the children services building (i had to start out the same way)... but before he got the over night, i never heard about him at all for a long time. No visits, nothing. I think all 3 of us (foster mom, case worker and myself were upset). The therapist felt that it could hinder the progress she made- from being this obsessed with sex little girl to a normal girl who's more obsessed with getting her nails painted and the newest barbie lol... from a girl who'd climb on ANY man's lap to 'ewww!'ing at any kissing scene on tv.

I don't think I'll ever understand the judges decision on that and i hope he's kicking himself in the ass for it.

Doubt it matters but mom signed over rights after the first supervised visit. She still wants nothing to do with her dd.

Quoting kaycersmom: How does he have any custody or visitation. Her being in therapy doesn't prove anything? Jesus christ I would want to work with her foster mom caseworker and therapist to keep her away from a rapist. .
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:20 PM
I honestly can't tell you. There probably isn't an answer for that, just be careful. I was molested at 4, it lasted 2 years. I managed to block it out , mostly, until my late teens, but looking back it effected me everyday. I'm 32 now and it effects me the most now, I don't know why. I'm at the happiest point in my life, I've had dreams I never thought possible come true in the past 5 years. Yet, sex between dh and I is screwed up.

My case was different, everyone's is. I never accused someone of something like that just because I was confused. I didn't realize I had been abused until I was older. I really hope they keep her in steady therapy, poor baby's going to need it. If you need to, install cameras throughout your home.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I think that's what I'm gonna suggest. But it still worries me bc what if I'm the future, this happens again? I cannot ever think of a time when they were alone together, for ds to ever have held her down. And it sucks bc i feel for her too. How long will her past affect her future? Will she never be able to go to a friends house for sleep overs bc of this? Will i always have that fear that she'll abuse ds of something like this?

I know that i don't want to ruin their relationship, they are both cut off from their siblings, from their families so on this side, they are all they have. But it may be something that will always have to be supervised.

Quoting Anonymous 3: I don't have any advice, except do what you believe is best for your son. We all love our nieces and nephews and want to help when times are like this, that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Can you do supervised for a bit, then maybe try visits in your home again later?
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