Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What can I do for my husband?

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:48 PM
  • 6 Replies

BM keeps badmouthing him to the kids ever since my stepson who is 15 said he wanted to live with us.

Long story short my stepson BM and his stepdad all got into a huge fight about wanting/not wanting to go somewhere and it blew up.

My DH made my stepson apologize to his mom, yet she still keeps talking shit on him. My stepson keeps asking all these questions about his marriage to his ex, stuff that has nothing to do with anything.

They divorced over six years ago. She moved on he moved on so I don't really understand why she is bringing all this up now? And especially to a 15 year old?

And its breaking my husband's heart. He has to sit here and listen to all these lies she keeps telling, having angry kids who are asking questions and when he tells the truth she keeps lying.

I just don't know what I can do for him at this point. Except to tell her off but it would only make things worse.

by on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
momngram
by Ruby Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:51 PM

Nothing YOU can do.

Lollipop_LC
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 2:55 PM

Honestly not much you can do but be there for him and try to lift up his spirits. 

knoxmomof2
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 3:01 PM
I'm a SM, SD is 19. BM was awful about badmouthing. There's nothing you can or should do, DH needs to handle this. He needs to refuse to discuss topics that he feels are not appropriate ever, or not currently appropriate to discuss with his son- and tell him so. "Your Mother may bring that up, but it's not a topic you are old enough / should be made a part of". If it's a topic regarding the child / DHs parenting choices, 15 is probably old enough to delve into work those IF stepson brings it up. He should avoid sinking to BMs level, but stepson should know the truth if lies are being told that affect how he views his Dad. Dh should still try to avoid bashing BM, just state the facts from his side. No matter what, both parents are a part of a child, and DH should be cautious not to say more than necessary in matters related to BM.

We tried to take the high road with BM/ SD by saying nothing negative in response when bad things were said to SD. It backfired on is because she only really knows one side today, and will pretty much refuse to listen to our side on anything today.....and she KNOWS her Mom is messed up!

Good luck!
destinyangl21
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 3:04 PM

 

She only started this recently.

DH made a mistake and told SS the truth when SS confronted my DH about cheating on his mom. DH told him it was his mom who cheated on him.

BIG MISTAKE.

Quoting knoxmomof2: I'm a SM, SD is 19. BM was awful about badmouthing. There's nothing you can or should do, DH needs to handle this. He needs to refuse to discuss topics that he feels are not appropriate ever, or not currently appropriate to discuss with his son- and tell him so. "Your Mother may bring that up, but it's not a topic you are old enough / should be made a part of". If it's a topic regarding the child / DHs parenting choices, 15 is probably old enough to delve into work those IF stepson brings it up. He should avoid sinking to BMs level, but stepson should know the truth if lies are being told that affect how he views his Dad. Dh should still try to avoid bashing BM, just state the facts from his side. No matter what, both parents are a part of a child, and DH should be cautious not to say more than necessary in matters related to BM. We tried to take the high road with BM/ SD by saying nothing negative in response when bad things were said to SD. It backfired on is because she only really knows one side today, and will pretty much refuse to listen to our side on anything today.....and she KNOWS her Mom is messed up! Good luck!

 

knoxmomof2
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2015 at 3:13 PM
He just needs to apologize to DS for sharing details with him that he shouldn't and tell him that, in the future, only questions about DH and his relationship with DS will be answered. He needs to explain that he loves him very much and, because of that, he refuses to drag him through the mud by discussing either parent's sexual / relationship choices when the topic was originated out of a negative / spiteful purpose. Then he needs to bite his tongue and stick to it - no matter what BM says.

Quoting destinyangl21:

 


She only started this recently.


DH made a mistake and told SS the truth when SS confronted my DH about cheating on his mom. DH told him it was his mom who cheated on him.


BIG MISTAKE.


Quoting knoxmomof2: I'm a SM, SD is 19. BM was awful about badmouthing. There's nothing you can or should do, DH needs to handle this. He needs to refuse to discuss topics that he feels are not appropriate ever, or not currently appropriate to discuss with his son- and tell him so. "Your Mother may bring that up, but it's not a topic you are old enough / should be made a part of". If it's a topic regarding the child / DHs parenting choices, 15 is probably old enough to delve into work those IF stepson brings it up. He should avoid sinking to BMs level, but stepson should know the truth if lies are being told that affect how he views his Dad. Dh should still try to avoid bashing BM, just state the facts from his side. No matter what, both parents are a part of a child, and DH should be cautious not to say more than necessary in matters related to BM. We tried to take the high road with BM/ SD by saying nothing negative in response when bad things were said to SD. It backfired on is because she only really knows one side today, and will pretty much refuse to listen to our side on anything today.....and she KNOWS her Mom is messed up! Good luck!

 

DallasCowboys81
by Don't live in Texas! on Apr. 10, 2015 at 3:16 PM
My dhs ex does the same thing. Not only to the kids, but to me as well. I walk away and attempt to get away from her after telling her he's not that way. I think it just goes with being in a step family. One of the perks so to speak. Not much you can really do.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)