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Why do her wants matter more? (adoption post)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 98 Replies
This is something I have never understood. I'm adopted, was adopted as an infant. My biological mother changed her mind when I was about 6 that the adoption had been a mistake. My parents indulged her until I was a teenager and told them I didn't want to see her anymore. She's been a pain to deal with ever since I turned 18. Never enough to get an RO or any other legal protection from her, but she'll randomly show up, she'll call me at work. It drives me nuts, and I'm just waiting until she does something that'll finally help me get her legally and hopefully permanently, out of my life. What I don't understand, is why most people think she's the one who is being wronged, and why her wants (to have me in her life) matters more than my desire to not have someone like her around. No, she didn't abuse me, but she's a nobody to me. She didn't raise me, she's an extremely annoying, selfish stranger, so why should I indulge her desires, and why does it matter more what she wants?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2015 at 1:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
dblhlx
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2015 at 1:20 AM
Her wants DONT matter more than yours. Just put your foot down and tell her to leave you alone.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2015 at 1:21 AM
Oh, I will and do. I just can't understand why the vast majority of people, including my own parents, think I should give in and have a relationship with her. Hell, even the lawyer I talked to about my options told me I should 'give her a chance'.

Quoting dblhlx: Her wants DONT matter more than yours. Just put your foot down and tell her to leave you alone.
zdtmok
by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:23 AM
1 mom liked this
They don't. I do know that many, many people put birth mother's on a pedestal. My oldest child is adopted. We had some issues with his bm, and ended locking her out of his life and getting an RO, and several people shared the general opinion that since she gave birth to him, she was somehow entitled to our child more.
TediLee
by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:24 AM
Sounds like you were brain washed sorry but I know successful adoptions where the birth family is in the child's life and known to the adoptee. My friends grandson was adopted and she's Nana to him and grandma to his soon to be sisters. The couple has three bio kids, adopted him and now will adopt two more and its how its treated.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2015 at 1:26 AM
Huh? How am I brainwashed?

Quoting TediLee: Sounds like you were brain washed sorry but I know successful adoptions where the birth family is in the child's life and known to the adoptee. My friends grandson was adopted and she's Nana to him and grandma to his soon to be sisters. The couple has three bio kids, adopted him and now will adopt two more and its how its treated.
TediLee
by on May. 5, 2015 at 1:27 AM
Sounds like your adoptive parents made her the enemy and you fell for it.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Huh? How am I brainwashed?

Quoting TediLee: Sounds like you were brain washed sorry but I know successful adoptions where the birth family is in the child's life and known to the adoptee. My friends grandson was adopted and she's Nana to him and grandma to his soon to be sisters. The couple has three bio kids, adopted him and now will adopt two more and its how its treated.
DensHag
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2015 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this
I have a real issue with people who like to say "Do you know what you should do?" I HATE that statement with a passion. So what I tell them is this: "Yes, I do, and I don't need you to tell me." And I shut them down and refuse to discuss it further. And thats the end of it.

Assert yourself and shut that shit down. No wavering. People need to respect you. Good luck.
katydid150
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2015 at 1:30 AM
Her wants do not matter. Only you get to decide who to let in your life. Good luck.
StillBill
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 1:30 AM
1 mom liked this
Reading comprehension isn't her thing lol

Quoting Anonymous 1: Huh? How am I brainwashed?

Quoting TediLee: Sounds like you were brain washed sorry but I know successful adoptions where the birth family is in the child's life and known to the adoptee. My friends grandson was adopted and she's Nana to him and grandma to his soon to be sisters. The couple has three bio kids, adopted him and now will adopt two more and its how its treated.
TheBamBam
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2015 at 1:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I think your parents are trying to take the high road and not make you feel pressured to "close the door" on her, ultimately that decision is yours. You owe her nothing, despite her personal regrets in life. Thats something only *she* can deal with, her burden is not yours to carry.
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