Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Hypothetical question...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Would you call her a selfish, stupid, dumb woman or would you support her decision.

Options:

Yes, I'd support her.

No, she's an idiot.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 12

View Results

Say you're a 32 year old single mom, who has lived in the same town all of your life. You know what there is to offer,and you know what the school system and special needs program is like because you've worked in it first hand. Say that your children are special needs.  Say that you met someone online and have dated them for a while.  Say they are considerably younger than you, (of course they are an adult, but they are a full time student with a complete free ride.)  Say that you have researched the schools and the special needs programs there vs. what is offered here and you found out there was more for you to learn as well; like say... Sign language WITHOUT the audiology degree. You can take the courses at the college, get certified and become an inturpretor. You also know that sign language is a GREAT way to communicate with your children even though they aren't deaf, but respond best to visial aid than verbal. But at the same time you have an oportunity to build on the relationship you've been in for a while.  A little info on the other end, say that because he's still in college and lives at home with his free ride to get his degree, he says he can't tell his parents or he loses part of his financial aid because they would stop claiming him as a dependant, and tell him he has to go live on his own and go deep into financial debt with student loans that he doesn't have at all right now. He has told you he'd come see you when ever he could between classes and then cross the bridges with family when you came to it.  

Also keep in mind that the woman has lived in a very small town ALL of her life and is moving 13 hours away to a larger city where she has no family, no friends except her boyfriend, and she's also 4 hours away from her ex who is SUPPOSED to have visitation with his kids anyway but he moved to another state for a woman. The woman gets enough money to take care of her bills and is also self employed. 

Would you call her a dumbass, stupid, selfish woman, or would you support her decision to move after weighing the options of there vs. where she currently lives?  Her children are autistic, ADHD, ODD, Tourrette's, and an unknown disabilty at the moment, but by the time she was ready to move, it would be diagnosed and treatment started, if there is any.  I'm just asking this as a hypothetical question for a friend.  please and thank you. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2015 at 10:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 5, 2015 at 10:57 PM
If it would benefit her and her children to move then I would say go for it. But you cannot expect the boyfriend to become super involved if his education relies on his family not knowing about anything. That is asking too much of him especially if it isn't a very serious committed relationship. If financially stable and it would benefit the children and the mothers education/career i would make the move. But would most definitely check into the doctors in the area and the availability at the schools for the children. Just because someone has lived somewhere there whole life doesn't mean they cannot make a change to improve their life.
MichLW69
by PackersXLV4 on May. 5, 2015 at 11:01 PM
That's a lot of "say"'s. He's hiding you and you're contemplating moving so far away? This will not end well.
Choobang
by Choo Choo on May. 5, 2015 at 11:06 PM
I would say "live your hypothetical life how you choose"
Tyrneathem
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 11:07 PM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't call her stupid or selfish or any of that, but I would advise that she only make the move based on her own and her childrens' needs. Don't move because of the relationship. I hate to say it, but the future of the relationship aspect sounds iffy at best. It's never a good sign when a relationship needs to be hidden and it seems like there could be enough complications on this relationship without the hiding.

bluebunnybabe
by kid crack dealer on May. 5, 2015 at 11:07 PM
3 moms liked this
If she wants to move to another area she thinks will be better for her & her children & she has a way to support herself when she gets there, great. The thing she has going on with the guy shouldn't have anything to do with her decision at all.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2015 at 11:53 PM

It's mostly because she has bad memories here, things happened that she has to be reminded of daily and it's just taking it's toll on her. She also feels the need to put some space between her family and her(and her kids) not because she doesn't love them, but because she DOES and doesn't want to lose what she has left of the relationship with them. Though her family has said some very harsh things to her for wanting to move away. Calling her stupid, a dumbass, selfish and immature. There are several reasons for her not to stay but her family is using her Granny against her.  A little background, she grew up with only one real friend. All the rest of the kids made fun of her, laughed at her, picked on her, called her names, beat her up...all because she was born with a mild birth defect. The entire school at one point shunned her because they learned she had to have surgery to repair the defect, some kids started rummors about her having AIDS...she does NOT. after the damage to her eardrums was deemed irreprarable, and she'd continue throughout the rest of her life, losing her hearing, she moved on to middle school. There she was tortured with kids putting mealworms in her hair and locker, hermit crabs in her jacket hood and pockets, even a snake put in her desk. Then she rounded the corner into her science class one day and one of the kids was standing there with a straw broom and then with the straw end, (straws out straight forward not to the side) jabbed it in her face. she was nearly blinded that day and her vision hasn't been the same since. Her best friend found out and got suspended for 3 days for fighting to defend her. Then High school and it was their freshman year. All was as usual until Christmas. her best friend got her something very special and she got him something in return equally special. He took her aside and told her that he loved her and when he came back from his trip, they were going out. kissed her cheek and left. 4 days later, he died. he never came home from his trip alive. She was devastated. Things changed after that. High school went better for her after that. Then she graduated, made a HUGE mistake and married her "high school sweetheart" only to find out he was really abusive. He beat her, talked down her her, cussed her...raped her, sodomized her, you name it, he did it. He left her on their anniversary and abandoned her with just a pair of scrubs and her purse.  Then later she started dating someone else, they ended up getting married and having children together. Though he wasn't physically abusive, he imprisoned her, isolated her, and mentally and emotionally abused her for years. He even put the kids in danger. She finally left him and is now stuck renting from her parents and they are holding her back from expanding anything. She worked in the special needs department of the school system, and said it wasn't good at all. Now, she has the guts to move away, but her family is guilting her with her granny. They want to keep her and her kids where they are and she knows her kids will fail...she knows she'll never expand where she is now...she doesn't have any friends anyway. just her family.  The guy is only a perk. She doesn't expect him to be there full time. just get to know each other and the kids at a slow and moderate pace. Even if he had a girlfriend at the campus he couldn't tell his parents for the reason in the original post. So, i suppose now she's between the devil and the deep blue sea, huh?  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2015 at 11:55 PM

Sorry for the long post. Really wanted to let everyone know most of her reasons...Nothing good has ever happened to her where she lives. since she was a little girl. She was starting to make sense to her mother before her dad called. then it all went south again...

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on May. 5, 2015 at 11:56 PM

 Who cares about the guy? If she can support herself and is doing this to better her and her children then go for it. The guy means nothing in this equation.

WaterorWine
by Wino on May. 5, 2015 at 11:57 PM
Wow, that's a lot of info, lol.

I'm going to be blunt. He doesn't sound like he's serious about you, so if you decide to move do it for you and your kids, not him.
Amybelle
by on May. 6, 2015 at 12:05 AM

I'd say she has a shii-load of baggage and is guaranteeing herself even more

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)