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Torn what would you do?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

Ok so here's a little bit of background. I've been friends with this girl and her kids for over a year. Up until the last 3 months things have been fine. However her DD started lying and accusing my kids of stuff. First she watched my kids over night (I paid her WELL for it, it wasn't for free) so I could go pick up a car 3 hrs away from where I lived. (Small town cars are so expensive that to get a good one your spending 10k I got a 96 honda odesey for 2k I have ALL the maintence records for the last couple years and the place I bought it from had gone threw it with a fine tooth comb and I even got a list of the things that still needed work. PLUS as an added bonus it was a non profit organization! Union Gosple Mission. Not telling you where you can google it) they train people who would otherwise be without work or skills and help them on the path to a better life.) ANYWAY I leave LATE the night before and come back the next day so she had them for maybe 20 hours. Well a week goes by and it's just normal stuff "hey can I get a ride here" "Can you let #### stay for a few minutes after school" "let's get coffee" "Hey I have a meeting can you watch the boys" (The first 3 are hers) That's when she says no she can't until I replace their 64 controlers that the boys broke.... um WHAT?! I don't know about you ladies but when someone else's kid is over and breaks something I say something IMMEDIATELY when they are picked up! She says that "well I asked dd about it and she said my ds tripped over them and broke them. Ok no problem I don't have the money right now but I'll do it when I can. (Honestly I still haven't had the money we can barely afford food right now. We're on the line where we don't qualify for help and our kids are young enough that daycare would cost more then I would make and while my husband makes ok money it only pays the immediate bills so there's not much left over) SO I ask my son about it. "Hey hun what happened to the 64 controlers over at ####'s house?" He hangs his head says he's so sorry but he didn't see it on the floor and he tripped over it and the joystick thing broke but that it was an accident and not on purpose (mean while he's freaking out thinking he's going to be in trouble) (To be fair to my son it was her DD that LEFT the controler on the floor in the first place so I honestly don't feel it's his fault but w/e). When I ask him about the second he says it wasn't him! That it was the DD she got mad at him for tripping and threw it at him missed and hit the edge of the table and it shattered. Now I know kids lie and my kids are certainly no different I KNOW they're not perfect. HOWEVER I don't see him admitting to breaking 1 and not the other when I've already told him he's NOT in trouble (why punish him when it was something that had happened DAYS before at his age he's not going to really understand why he's being punished). ANYWAY I just kind of let that one slide and didn't say anything. I'll still replace both controllers even tho I don't feel like I should have to replace either. Not worth the fight to me.

The second time she lied was in front of me. Her mom had just had surgery so I watched their middle son for the day and the DD when she got out of school. Well when it came time for her to go home she went gathered up her stuff and got in her dads car. He has her check for her glass's well the case is there but the glasses are missing. She swears up and down she had them on when she walked into my house after school (which she didn't I looked RIGHT at her and I would have noticed she doesn't wear them alot so you take note when she does) so the dad gets pissy with me and starts name calling telling me I'm a horrible person and I won't be watching there kids again (fine by me) if that's how I treat there stuff and how I better find those glass's OR ELSE! This was on a Friday. I spend ALL WEEKEND searching my house (all 700 square feet) tearing it apart and putting it back together so many times I can't count them. I only slept MAYBE 6 hrs all weekend (from FRI until Tues) looking for these glass's because I know they can't afford a new pair anymore then I can. Finally on Tuesday I call apologize profusely and say I've done everything I could to find them and they're no where in my house. I even offer to go get her so she can look herself. Turns out her DD LEFT THEM AT SCHOOL!!! And they didn't bother to tell me?! Now I know that this could have honestly been an accident or she didn't remember what she did with them and she just didn't want to get in trouble BUT she still BLATENLY LIED she had specifically said that my boys must have done something to the because "I HAD THEM ON WHEN I WALKED IN I REMEMBER"  And no I haven't gotten an apology for what he said and for them not telling me she found them a whole day before they told me.

Ok Now to the big cahoona. this last friday I get a call from the mom. (I dread her calls at this point) She said that her DD had told her that my older 2 boys had been picking on her at school (it was a very specific manner that wouldn't have been apropriate). I ask her when her DD told her this. She said "oh a week or so ago" and that she just hadn't had a chance to call....  Red flag to me right there. If my child told me someone was picking on them in more then just a mild manner I would call IMMEDIATELY no matter what I was doing. ANYWAY I said ok I'll take care of it. So DH and I get our kids in the car and go for a drive. We start quietly talking about it and decide that we're not going to blow up we're going to get their side and then talk to the school. SO I ask my boys what happened. my middle son rolls his eyes says she's lying about the first part and that the second part was this other kid in his class but that it hd been over a month ago. My oldest starts crying. He asks me why she is saying this about him and accusing him of stuff when he tries to be super nice to her all the time. (I nearly break down because I remember feeling that way. Like you try and try to be nice and yet no one likes you.) SO we explain to the boys that we're not going to punish them right now because we're going to investigate this but that if we find that they lied to us they're going to be in more trouble. I explained that I will NOT raise mean boys. Monday comes and the teacher is too busy. So Tuesday comes and I express that it's actually really important and fairly time sensitive that I speak to her (my friends DD is in the same class as my middle son so that is the teacher I speak with). She comes out and I give her the situation and ask her what she has observed. She says that she has seen no evidence of my MDS bullying ANYONE much less her. AND to top it off My oldest son (a year older) and them NEVER see each other threwout the school day so there would be NO chance for him to be involved in ANYWAY (Different recess, lunch, class schedules they don't even change class's or pass each other in hallways). When I said "are you sure I know my kids aren't perfect but if there's any chance this is true I need to know I WON"T raise mean boys" she said unless it was before school there is no chance this is true (it wasn't before school because I only send my kids out the door  a couple minutes before so they have just enough time to get to their class and go to the bathroom) So as far as I'm concerned I've done my job as a parent and researched the situation and found NOTHING.

Now the hard part. I've caught her DD in 3 lies relating to her accusing my kids. Each time I found they weren't true. With each lie her tales also got larger then the last. I'm really concerned about what the next one could be so as of now I know I'm going to keep my distance. However I know that the next time I see the mom she's going to ask how I dealt with the boys. She is one of those moms that while she knows her kids aren't perfect she will not let anyone else know that. She has a rather explosive personality and can get mad in seconds and she IS one of those who will get in a physical altercation if she feels the need. Not that I think she's going to start anything physical with me. I'm at the point where I really just want to keep my distance and let it blow over. HOWEVER part of me says if I don't address this issue the next lie is going to be so much worse. 

What do you ladies think? (I apologize for any grammar, punuation or spelling mistake, it's 2 am I'm exhausted and sick as a dog but I'm doing laundry so I can't sleep.  I had to run errands all day so I didn't get the chance to do it earlier.)

Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2015 at 5:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2015 at 5:20 AM
Cut them out of your life problem solved
by Anonymous 2 on May. 7, 2015 at 5:21 AM
Get a jerry curl. Then eat a jelly donut.
by on May. 7, 2015 at 5:23 AM

I would have been done after the glasses incident. I do someone a favor by watching their kid and they respond by yelling at me that I won't have the pleasure of babysitting for them for free again and I'm done with that family for good.

The parents sound like dirtbags who just use people and sadly, they're teaching their daughter to be the same way.

I wouldn't call her or respond to her calls. If I ran into her and she asked me how I dealt with my kids, I'd tell her I talked to the teacher about it and handled it. I'd be polite but distant and I wouldn't give her details and I'd have to be somewhere else so I wouldn't have time to talk. Since she likes to fight, I'd have my hand on my stun gun in my purse throughout the conversation. She puts her hands on me, I pop her 1,000,000 volts and call 911 while she twitches on the ground. She can explain to the police why she thinks it's ok to hit people.

by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2015 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Holy hell, do you have a shorter version of that?
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2015 at 5:23 AM
You need to just stop leaving your kids over there. Stop watching her kids. Id be done with the friendship at this point. Done.
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2015 at 5:34 AM

I would just slowly cut her out. I wouldn't give it another thought.  

by Emerald Member on May. 7, 2015 at 6:28 AM

No more exchanging kids when you or she needs a sitter. I agree slowly cut her out. I would be worried the next blame on your kid will be huge.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2015 at 10:34 AM

That's my concern. Is it sad and wrong tho that there's a part of me who wants to just confront her with the fact that her "DD" is a lying manipulative little girl? I WONT because I know the outcome wouldn't be good and honestly I'm not a confrontational person. I don't see the reason to be childish and yell, scream and name call.  Not my style.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

No more exchanging kids when you or she needs a sitter. I agree slowly cut her out. I would be worried the next blame on your kid will be huge.

by on May. 7, 2015 at 10:44 AM

dont have them watch ur kids anymore and dont watch hers. if she says anyting about u dealing with ur kids, say u handled it and leave it at that. cut that family completely out of ur lives

by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2015 at 10:52 AM

End the relationship TODAY

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