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trying to get closure

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
we finally talked after his affair last night. He had no problem bringing up our past arguements and disconnection. I felt better because we had both sides of the story from two years ago on the table. We talked about our past issues that lead to his emotional affair and sexting escapades. I felt good to get that out. He still didnt answer regarding the six month span of him not exactly being honest. I got I dont remember. I dont know. 

I asked him why was there a private pic on his phone from May of last year and google searches for an escort while he was out of town that same day. The response was he doesnt remember but he swears he never touched anyone else.

So now I feel like he just utilized our time last night as a way to direct the conversation to two years ago instead of focusing on his noferious actions that im trying to get over.

Did he just focus on the cause or did he find a way to get passed answering the hard questions again? Should I look at this as closure?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2015 at 6:07 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 7, 2015 at 6:13 AM

I think you need to find closure however you can, and being that he is the one that stepped out and messed up he needs to understand.  Maybe he thought that talking about that would help you, if it didn't thats ok.  Just have another conversation until you feel better...unfortunatly maybe you won't but you don't know that until you have tried

kika.fleur
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2015 at 6:20 AM

Do you feel that there is closure or not? If you don't feel that you've addressed all the issues, that you are satisfied with them, and you've agreed how to move forward as a couple and individually, then there is no closure even though you've discussed it.


BonnieRay
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2015 at 6:23 AM
Honestly it sounds like he is still lying to you. If you're waiting for him to admit to all of his wrongdoing or to at least explain it to get your closure, then be prepared for the fact that he most likely never will.

Right now you must decide whether you can get past this without his admission of guilt and whether or not you think the trust can be rebuilt. The fact that he is unwilling to be honest with you does not bode well for the future of your relationship.
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on May. 7, 2015 at 6:31 AM

  This

Quoting BonnieRay: Honestly it sounds like he is still lying to you. If you're waiting for him to admit to all of his wrongdoing or to at least explain it to get your closure, then be prepared for the fact that he most likely never will. Right now you must decide whether you can get past this without his admission of guilt and whether or not you think the trust can be rebuilt. The fact that he is unwilling to be honest with you does not bode well for the future of your relationship.


Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2015 at 6:32 AM
Its very hard to see my faults because what he did was so wrong. I do not accept blame for his choices and lack of self control. Maybe im the one being defensive but talking about how I caused it or pushed him away doesnt make me feel better about his choices.

Quoting kika.fleur:

Do you feel that there is closure or not? If you don't feel that you've addressed all the issues, that you are satisfied with them, and you've agreed how to move forward as a couple and individually, then there is no closure even though you've discussed it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2015 at 7:43 AM
Bump
kika.fleur
by Gold Member on May. 7, 2015 at 2:02 PM

Whilst it take two to make a marriage to work or not work, each partner/spouse makes his/her individual decision whether to stay loyal or not. If my SO were making me unhappy, I have choices in how I react or act to that. Saying that he made me go on to cheat with someone else is too easy and cowardly.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Its very hard to see my faults because what he did was so wrong. I do not accept blame for his choices and lack of self control. Maybe im the one being defensive but talking about how I caused it or pushed him away doesnt make me feel better about his choices.
Quoting kika.fleur:

Do you feel that there is closure or not? If you don't feel that you've addressed all the issues, that you are satisfied with them, and you've agreed how to move forward as a couple and individually, then there is no closure even though you've discussed it.



SaintJudes
by on May. 7, 2015 at 2:07 PM

I don't trust him still for some reason. There is no closure in that whatsoever. Face the facts, he most likely did the deed. 

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