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How do I make her see that things can't go on the way they are

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies

I have a very good friend who needs some help.  I have offered and offered.  Her house is trashed.  I don't mean like it looks lived in...I mean it is nasty, trashy, messy, dirty, smelly, and whatever else you can think of.  She has three kids. 

 

She also doesn't use the correct car seats for the kids.  Her two year old is in a booster, her four year old is in a seat with just a seat belt...no booster, and her infant is never properly buckled. (straps very loose)

 

She is acting like a rebellious teenager lately.  No one can tell her anything. 

 

I am at a loss.  I feel her kids aren't safe.  I feel like going over and taking the kids until she can at least get her house cleaned up.  DH wants to go buy the proper seats for the kids and get a buddy of ours who is certified in car seat installation and safety to go over with us. 

 

We live in Texas.  I have showed her the law but she sees the word gyudelines and doesn't feel she needs to follow.

 

I love these kids as if they were my own.  I have been there since the 4 year old was born. 

 

 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 7, 2015 at 9:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 7, 2015 at 9:26 AM

I would anonymously call CPS and just let them do their thing. If she's acting all crazy dramatic right now there isn't much else you can do without feeling her wrath. She's going to flip when CPS shows up too but at least she won't know for sure who did it. 

shadow_lark
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2015 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this
If its really as bad as that and she's refused all offers for help, or thinks it doesn't need to change, I'd call cps. She has to make the decision to change on her own, but there's no reason for her kids to live in filth while she comes to the realization
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on May. 7, 2015 at 9:29 AM
I'd offer to take the kids. Regardless of whether she sorts herself out or not it's the best thing.
shadow_lark
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2015 at 9:29 AM
If its really as bad as that and she's refused all offers for help, or thinks it doesn't need to change, I'd call cps. She has to make the decision to change on her own, but there's no reason for her kids to live in filth while she comes to the realization
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 7, 2015 at 9:29 AM
If you truly feel the children are in danger in their home then report her. Don't bother if it's just about the car seats though. Sadly, nobody gives a crap about children's safety in the car and as she's even moderately following the law they won't do a thing about that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2015 at 9:29 AM

 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I would anonymously call CPS and just let them do their thing. If she's acting all crazy dramatic right now there isn't much else you can do without feeling her wrath. She's going to flip when CPS shows up too but at least she won't know for sure who did it. 

 She would know...I have been on her case.  I started out nice...offering to help out as needed, going over to clean, taking kids off her hands, and stuff like that.  Then I got mad and told her she was putting her kids in danger.  Her two year old poured an entire bottle of bleach into the toilet...

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on May. 7, 2015 at 9:30 AM

Well is it the fuidelines she's ignoring or the law?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 7, 2015 at 9:33 AM

What?   If the kids are in danger, call CPS. 

The whole car seat thing is a little overblown though.  Yes, they are important but it's not the friggen end of the world.  Clearly, you've been reading on CM far too long and need a break. 

Lost_in_madness
by Member on May. 7, 2015 at 9:33 AM
Tell her she can either let you take the kids while she gets her shit together or it's going to be cps that takes them. Kids shouldn't live in filth and they should be kept safe, always.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 7, 2015 at 9:35 AM

 

Quoting Not_A_Native:

Well is it the fuidelines she's ignoring or the law?

 The way the law is written is kind of weird.  I pulled from two different websites.  One is TxDOT and the other is the DMV.

 

Texas Child Car Seat Laws

You must secure any child under 8 years old in a federally approved child car seat while operating the vehicle, unless the child is more than 4'9" tall.

Use the following guidelines when buying a car seat for your child:

  • Birth – 1 year old and up to 35 pounds:
    • Use a rear-facing seat suitable for your child’s height and weight.
    • Make sure you check the height and weight capacity of your car seat and follow the installation and operating instructions carefully.
  • 1 year old–4 years old and 20 pounds–40 pounds:
    • Use a forward-facing seat for as long as is recommended by the manufacturer.
  • 4 years old–8 years old and over 40 pounds:
    • Use a booster seat.

 

 

Here Is the Law

Texas law now requires drivers and all passengers in vehicles to be secured by a safety belt. A safety belt violation can result in fines ranging from $25 to $50, plus court costs.

Any child under the age of 8 must be restrained in an approved child passenger safety seat unless taller than 4 feet, nine inches. The fine is up to $25 for a first offense and $250 for a second subsequent offense.

The law becomes effective on Sept. 1, 2009, but tickets for this offense cannot be issued until June 1, 2010. Police officers are allowed to issue a warning before that date. However, the previous law remains in effect for now and requires children younger than 5 and less than 36 inches in height be in a child safety seat, and tickets can still be issued for this violation.

Safety Seat Guidelines

Safety belts are designed for adults, not children. Use a booster seat to lift your child up and prevent severe injuries in a crash. View an informational video about the proper use of child safety seats.

Please remember the following guidelines when buying the proper seat for your child:

Birth-1 Year, Up to 35 Pounds

  • Use a rear-facing seat until your baby reaches the weight limit or height limit of the seat.
  • Secure the chest clip even with your baby's armpits.
  • Fasten harness straps snugly against your baby's body.

1-4 Years, 20 to 40 Pounds

  • Use a forward-facing seat for as long as the safety seat manufacturer recommends it.
  • Fasten harness straps snugly against your child's body.
  • Secure the chest clip even with your child's armpits.
  • Latch the tether strap to the corresponding anchor if your vehicle has one.

4-8 Years, Over 40 Pounds

  • Use a booster seat.
  • Fasten the lap belt across your child's thighs and hips, not stomach.
  • Strap the diagonal belt across the chest to rest on the shoulder, not the neck.
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