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Adoption doesn't mean ownership!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 43 Replies
My adopted mom has always placed strong emphasis on the fact that I am adopted. She has always introduced me as her adopted daughter, whenever I would misbehave she would threaten to 'give me back'. Needless to say, I don't have many warm feelings towards her.
My birth mother found me when I was 19. We reconnected and got to know each other, and we're very close. That pissed my adopted mother off. She yelled, bitched, threaten my birth mother with calling the cops, just a mess.

My birth mother and I went out today, just the two of us. We went shopping and had plans to grab some food after. My adoptive mother ran into us at the mall. I haven't told her that I'm still spending time with my bm, kind of a don't ask, don't tell thing.

I was hoping she'd just keep going, but she didn't. She came over and demanded to know what we were doing together. I told her we were just shopping. She got really, really nasty after that. She told my bm that I was her (am's) daughter and she shouldn't forget it. She called me ungrateful and basically made a huge, loud, uncomfortable scene. The gist of her rant though, was that she bought me and I owe her.

I will never understand where she got this insane notion that adopting a child means you own said child, or why she thinks telling me I owe her is going to endear her to me. I'm honestly close to just cutting all ties with her and calling it quits. I can't deal with her anymore.
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kjandkamysmom
by Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:55 AM
Is your adopted father around? What does he think of the way your adopted mother behaves? What does he think of you spending time with your BM?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:56 AM

i wouldn't deal with it either. i would cut ties to your adopted mom.  you dont owe her anything.  she chose to raise you and you dont owe shit.

If you and your birth mom get along great, then i would stick with her.  if your adopted mom tries to call the cops or go to court they will laugh her out of court.  you are an adult now and she can't do anything about the fact you want to be close with your birth mom

where is your adopted dad?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:56 AM
No, he passed away when I was 15.

Quoting kjandkamysmom: Is your adopted father around? What does he think of the way your adopted mother behaves? What does he think of you spending time with your BM?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:57 AM
I do love my adopted mom, she is my mother. She's the one who raised me, for better or for worse, but I can't keep dealing with her insecurities and spite.

I will always maintain contact with my birth mother, that's not going to change.

He's deceased.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

i wouldn't deal with it either. i would cut ties to your adopted mom.  you dont owe her anything.  she chose to raise you and you dont owe shit.

If you and your birth mom get along great, then i would stick with her.  she tries to call cops or go to court they will laugh her out of court.  you are an adult now and she can't do anything about the fact you want to be close with your birth mom

where is your adopted dad?

Cassiemeru
by Ruby Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:58 AM
I would (and have) cut ties, no one ownes me, I'm not property. I don't owe my parents anything just because they chose to have kids, by mistake according to my mother, who threatened to give us away almost daily. Your adoptive mom sounds like a lunatic, I'm sorry she has treated you this way.
AllofFive19
by Emerald Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:58 AM
Wow, what a psycho. I'm glad you have a good relationship with your mom.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:58 AM

im sorry you lost him, that has to be hard.

i wouldn't be able to deal with your AM's tantrums.  

Quoting Anonymous 1: I do love my adopted mom, she is my mother. She's the one who raised me, for better or for worse, but I can't keep dealing with her insecurities and spite. I will always maintain contact with my birth mother, that's not going to change. He's deceased.
Quoting Anonymous 2:

i wouldn't deal with it either. i would cut ties to your adopted mom.  you dont owe her anything.  she chose to raise you and you dont owe shit.

If you and your birth mom get along great, then i would stick with her.  she tries to call cops or go to court they will laugh her out of court.  you are an adult now and she can't do anything about the fact you want to be close with your birth mom

where is your adopted dad?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2015 at 2:59 AM
It is. I miss him.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

im sorry you lost him, that has to be hard.

i wouldn't be able to deal with your AM's tantrums.  

Quoting Anonymous 1: I do love my adopted mom, she is my mother. She's the one who raised me, for better or for worse, but I can't keep dealing with her insecurities and spite.

I will always maintain contact with my birth mother, that's not going to change.

He's deceased.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

i wouldn't deal with it either. i would cut ties to your adopted mom.  you dont owe her anything.  she chose to raise you and you dont owe shit.

If you and your birth mom get along great, then i would stick with her.  she tries to call cops or go to court they will laugh her out of court.  you are an adult now and she can't do anything about the fact you want to be close with your birth mom

where is your adopted dad?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 25, 2015 at 3:00 AM
She's getting worse the older she gets, and I just can't handle it.

Quoting AllofFive19: Wow, what a psycho. I'm glad you have a good relationship with your mom.
kjandkamysmom
by Member on Sep. 25, 2015 at 3:00 AM
I would try maybe a sit down 'I appreciate you, but you've got to let me do what I want to' conversation. Give her a chance and if she can't deal cut her off. Sorry about the funky position she's putting you in.

Quoting Anonymous 1: No, he passed away when I was 15.

Quoting kjandkamysmom: Is your adopted father around? What does he think of the way your adopted mother behaves? What does he think of you spending time with your BM?
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