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DH has to move :-( UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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We just moved into his dad's vacant house (he went to a nursing home) to save on money, and we just found out that while DH is getting a raise & promotion, he'll have to permanently move to a large city in another state. It would mean giving up on the homestead we've started, and I can't continue my career there unless I go through another 2 years of schooling due to licensing requirements.
He really doesn't want to take it, if he did it would mean me staying here & running the farm, only seeing him maybe twice a year. He can't sell the house because of both his & his dad's name being on the deed, & he refuses to rent it out again (we're still repairing it from last time).
I don't want to never see him! And I can't do all this work myself! If he refuses, he may be facing unemployment due to his current location being shut down.
Gah, decisions.

Update: DH looked up the cost of living difference, which is about $1000 more a month than where we are. His pay increase would not cover the difference, & he'd have given up several acres & a house, debt free, for an apartment.
He's not taking the job. My income will cover everything if needed. We just wouldn't be able to pay down our cc & student loan debt as fast if that were to occur.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:26 AM
Take the position and get an apartment in the new city.

Simultaneously look for work where you are now. Quit when he finds something.

Does this work?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:29 AM
2 moms liked this
That would destroy your marriage. Choose wisely.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:30 AM
Not the quiting part. He's only got 2 more years until he can qualify for retirement (railroad) and if he leaves now, he won't get anything.
He doesn't want me to move with him- someone needs to watch the house & livestock. I suggested to him on the phone that maybe, if the pay increase was enough to offset the difference of 2 places, that we could get through it for the 2 years, then he could go elsewhere.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Take the position and get an apartment in the new city.



Simultaneously look for work where you are now. Quit when he finds something.



Does this work?
ame85
by Chemistry cat on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:32 AM
He can sell the house himself if he get power of attorney for FIL. Is your FIL amenable to selling?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:32 AM
Oh man... Game changer there.

Can your marriage survive two years apart? Maybe he could even look for somewhere to rent just a room. To help with the cost.

As awful as that would be, with only two years left to go, maybe this is the route you need to go.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:33 AM

Won't running a farm by yourself also have a pretty negative effect on your career? You either set your career back two years by moving or you set it two years back by running a farm. What's the difference? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:36 AM
There's no way. His dad would never agree to it- he saved up & bought this place with cash, it's his pride and joy. He's mentally all there, but his body has deteriorated to the point where we can't care for him.


Quoting ame85: He can sell the house himself if he get power of attorney for FIL. Is your FIL amenable to selling?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:39 AM

Where my SO goes, I go.  End of story.  I wouldn't risk my relationship over something like that.  Sell the livestock for now, and start again after retirement.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:40 AM
I am able to do both here. I run a small business which allows me very flexible hours, and I currently do the majority of the farmwork while DH does the house repairs. It's not currently even insurable due to the condition of the roof & wiring, since the renters stole copper wires from the walls when they left. It's making progress, though.

Quoting Anonymous 4:

Won't running a farm by yourself also have a pretty negative effect on your career? You either set your career back two years by moving or you set it two years back by running a farm. What's the difference? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I couldn't do it.  Things like this destroy marriages and families.  We've done living in separate states due to work and when the subject came up recently due to him being the only employee in this region willing to travel, I told him that I will not do the living separately thing again.  It's too hard on me and the kids, everything feels like it's in limbo and it will end us next time.

In your case, you being stuck running his family's farm isn't right and he needs to figure out something.  I can't imagine how in the world he thinks he has the right to tell you not to go with him, but stay and take care of the farm for even 2 years. 

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