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She can stay home during your visitation but you're not getting my weekend

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 209 Replies
I have an 8 year old daughter with my ex. My ex has remarried and has an 11 year old step daughter who has recently been diagnosed with cancer. He called me tO tell me that because she will be going through chemo Dd will absolutely not be able to come over sick. It is very rare that he will have her sick anyway since she's only over there one weekend a month but i will have to check her temperature and be hyperaware to make sure I'm not sending her over sick. And obviously I'm happy to do that. He explained that if she is sick in anyway she can't come over which of course I understand.

But then he went on to say that we would have to switch weekends if that happens. That's where I had to stop him. I understand that he can't take his weekend if she is sick but we Often have plans on my weekend. If there is a weekend where we don't have plans then absolutely I'd be willing to switch with him if she got sick on his weekend. But I don't think that she should have to miss out on doing something that she wants to do because quite frankly he's putting another child ahead of her. I understand the situation it's necessary, there's really no other choice but it still doesn't seem right for her have to give up something she wants to do for it. I did tell him that if she missed a weekend with him I would give her the choice to go the next weekend if she wanted to. But I can pretty much guarantee that unless we don't have plans she's not really going to want to go. He lives 2 hours from us now so just the crazy long drive is enough to make it not so fun for her. on top of that she Loves going to church every Sunday, hanging out with her friends and cousins.

I also told my ex that if there was ever a weekend that he missed his weekend he would be welcome to come to our town and spend the day around town with her. This is actually an open invitation that I have extended to him since he moved two hours away. He has never taken me up on it.

I'm really not trying to be mean and I am trying to be reasonable. But at the same time our life can not revolve around the situation at my ex's house. my ex however feels that I am being completely unreasonable and should basically be willing to drop everything in order to accommodate him.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:17 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:20 PM
2 moms liked this
Seems fair. I would do the same thing.
twinlawdiva
by Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:21 PM
27 moms liked this

Ok, I have 2 kids and my ex sees them every other weekend. I do all the heavy lifting raising the kids so I get the bitterness toward her dad. That being said...

Think about what you're doing here. You may keep her from her dad for what, up to 6 weeks or so instead of just switching a weekend? Due to her stepsister having CANCER? That's not any karma I'd be bringing on myself. That's junk. This is an extenuating circumstance and you should really, really reconsider. Do you want to answer to her someday as to why you wouldn't budge and kept her from her dad because you wouldn't allow her to miss church 1 weekend?

I have very active kids. We have things to do on weekends frequently. But really, what is she going to miss more, the ONE weekend she gets with her dad, or yet another weekend of church and playing? Put your daughter's wellbeing ahead of the inconvenience. This won't last forever and hopefully the stepsister gets well soon.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you. My husband says I'm being perfectly fair to but to hear my ex talk you would think I'm the Wicked Witch of the East. He actually thought when he moved two hours away that I was going to do all the driving because he has to work and his wife doesn't drive. I have to pick her up Sunday afternoon but he is responsible for picking her up Friday afternoon from me so he has to leave work early

Quoting Anonymous 2: Seems fair. I would do the same thing.
motherslove82
by Emerald Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:23 PM
33 moms liked this
Wow. Ok. Let's look at it this way - if she got sick on your weekend, you would have to either reschedule or cancel your plans, right? She wouldn't be able to participate.

You have three weekends a month and every day of the week to make plans with her. Are you really going to begrudge him his one weekend a month because she gets sick? He isn't choosing another child over her. He is choosing another child's life over seeing her on that specific weekend. It's important for your daughter to see her father. One weekend a month is already an insultingly small amount of time. Forget about what he needs or wants. Don't take that away from your daughter.
Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:24 PM
28 moms liked this
Damn children with cancer fucking up your plans.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this
As I said I am more than willing to let it be my daughter's choice. If her dad has to miss one weekend she can choose if she wants to go to his house the next weekend or not. This eliminates me having to answer for anything. But also if he wants to he can come down anytime and spend time with her. All he has to do is give me heads up so that we can make sure that she's free for the time he'll be down.

Quoting twinlawdiva:

Ok, I have 2 kids and my ex sees them every other weekend. I do all the heavy lifting raising the kids so I get the bitterness toward her dad. That being said...


Think about what you're doing here. You may keep her from her dad for what, up to 6 weeks or so instead of just switching a weekend? Due to her stepsister having CANCER? That's not any karma I'd be bringing on myself. That's junk. This is an extenuating circumstance and you should really, really reconsider. Do you want to answer to her someday as to why you wouldn't budge and kept her from her dad because you wouldn't allow her to miss church 1 weekend?


I have very active kids. We have things to do on weekends frequently. But really, what is she going to miss more, the ONE weekend she gets with her dad, or yet another weekend of church and playing? Put your daughter's wellbeing ahead of the inconvenience. This won't last forever and hopefully the stepsister gets well soon.

DJsmama34
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this

ur being more than fair. hes being a jerk

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:27 PM
This is true however if she got sick on his weekend that means that I'm taking care of her while she sick on his weekend and then having to give up a weekend with her while she's healthy and can go do fun stuff. Yes I have the majority of the time with her that was his choice. He chose to move 2 hours away. He also chooses not to come down and see her when I have told him he can do that anytime. I also did say that I would let it be her choice if she wants to give up her plans For the weekend to go see her dad on a weekend that is not his. He can choose to come see her on his weekend. He makes very good money there is no reason that he can't afford to come down for the weekend and stay in a hotel If he can't take her home to his stepdaughter.

Quoting motherslove82: Wow. Ok. Let's look at it this way - if she got sick on your weekend, you would have to either reschedule or cancel your plans, right? She wouldn't be able to participate.

You have three weekends a month and every day of the week to make plans with her. Are you really going to begrudge him his one weekend a month because she gets sick? He isn't choosing another child over her. He is choosing another child's life over seeing her on that specific weekend. It's important for your daughter to see her father. One weekend a month is already an insultingly small amount of time. Forget about what he needs or wants. Don't take that away from your daughter.
Seagodess
by Emerald Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:28 PM
8 moms liked this

I see that you are trying to be reasonable in some way and I agree that you shouldn't have to rearrange your life. However, this is something that should have a little more care and understanding. She see's her dad 1 time a month. I dont think its fair to either of them to have to go even longer because of church or playing with cousins which I'm sure she does a lot more often then seeing her dad. Now if you had plans to go on vacation or something, that would be different, but just small things should get in the way of seeing her dad.

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