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my mom loves me & DD more than her stepchildren and step-grandchildren and my SF loves his children and grandchildren more than me and DD

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
My SF came into my life when I was 18. He has three children of his own (two daughters and one son) and his daughters are the apple of his eye. (Unfortunately him & his son are basically estranged. He sees his son once a year if he is lucky and says it is very hurtful). I know he loves me, but there is nothing quite like the love he has for his own daughters.

It's the same story with my mom. She dearly loves her stepdaughters, but it is nothing quite like the love she has for me.

Then there are the grandchildren. He became a grandfather well before my mom did, and my mom was absolutely thrilled. She loved her step-grandchildren very much from the beginning. But it was nothing like when my DD was born. When her own granddaughter was born, she was over the moon times infinity. She adores DD with her life. My stepdad cherishes his own grandchildren with his life and he is really involoved in their lives, especially his grandson who is following in his career path and might go to his alma mater.

There is love all around but I just find it interesting. Do you think it has to do with bloodline or do you think it has to do with raising stepchildren from a young age versus coming into stepchildren's lives later? Any of you experience this with your step families, have these undertones??
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:29 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:31 PM

Well sounds like an even trade.

Dont think about it to much.Just make sure your kids are taken care of.

TriggerQueen
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:34 PM

I think it has a lot to do with a long time bond with the stepkids and also how involved the grandparents are from day one with the grandkids. My mom loves my two no more than she loves my sister's three and my sister is her sd. You'd think they were all hers biologically. Same with my sister's stepdad, he adores her girls. But they have all been super involved from day one and everyone gets along, that helps.

1981FloridaMom
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:11 PM
This.

Quoting TriggerQueen:

I think it has a lot to do with a long time bond with the stepkids and also how involved the grandparents are from day one with the grandkids. My mom loves my two no more than she loves my sister's three and my sister is her sd. You'd think they were all hers biologically. Same with my sister's stepdad, he adores her girls. But they have all been super involved from day one and everyone gets along, that helps.

jws120567
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:15 PM

I think it varies from family to family, based on bonds and personalities.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:27 PM
It is but that's what's so strange. Is it almost always just like that by nature?

Quoting Anonymous 3:

Well sounds like an even trade.

Dont think about it to much.Just make sure your kids are taken care of.

hannmc14
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:34 PM

I definitely think that there is a difference in how a parent or step-parent feels about a child they have raised as their own most of their lives and ones that come into an adult child's life. My stepmom raised my sister and I from the time we were little and our bm wasn't around so sm became our mother and loved us just as much as our brother who she had when I was 6 and my sister was 4. She was my mother in every way and was there for every step of me growing up but unfortunately she passed away last year and my dad is dating someone and if she were to become my step-mother it would be a very different relationship and the love would never be close to the love my mom and I had for each other. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:29 PM
My first SF raised me so he loved me just as much as his son (my younger brother). He was the only father I ever knew as my bio dad died before I was born. He died though, and my mom later remarried. My second SF is a very nice man but we are not nearly as close, although he is the only maternal grandfather my DS has ever known.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:32 PM
You were grown when he met you. I'd be shocked if he WAS as close to you as the kids he raised.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 10:12 PM
My SF has almost an attraction to me. Every time an occasion comes around, he tells me he doesn't know what to get for my mom and he asks me to go shopping with him. Often the department store workers will think we're a couple, and he'll play along as if we are. I'm not saying this disparigingly; it just is.

Quoting Anonymous 4: You were grown when he met you. I'd be shocked if he WAS as close to you as the kids he raised.
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