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My b**** of a sister told my younger brother he's adopted -RANT-

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 31 Replies
1 mom liked this

So my mother was pregnant with my older sister when she met my father. After she gave birth, he adopted my sister. Growing up she was totally normal, but she went through that rebellious teen phase and made a lot of bad choices. She ran off to Florida with some boy right out of high school. A few years later, I was 16, she shows up at our house pregnant, claiming that her boyfriend had left her, and in need of money. 

She told our parents that she couldn't afford to raise a kid, so she was planning on aborting. My parents don't agree with abortion, and they made a deal with her. They would pay for her healthcare until the baby arrived and would help her get a job and back on her feet. In return she would have the baby, and let them adopt it. So, that's what they did. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy (we'll call him Jack), and he was raised as our younger brother. 

Shortly after she gave birth, my sister left her job and the apartment my parents were paying for to go back to Florida. In the past few years she's had 3 more children, doesn't work, and has gotten involved in drugs. The rest of my siblings and I have for the most part cut off contact with her Our parents have made a point to keep Jack away from her during her "visits", and he really only knew of her from the things he heard in conversations. She's come back up north multiple times, but only to cause issues. Today was one of those issues.

Jack, now 16, showed up at our house this evening in tears because he found out that he isn't our parents biological child. I called my mother, and she told me what happened. Apparently my sister was back in town looking to get money off of our parents, and they refused. They told her that they would buy things that her children needed, but they would not give her money. She got pissy and stormed out of the house, running into Jack in the driveway. She told him that he was her kid and not our parents' son, and to ask our parents if he didn't believe her. 

Our parents told Jack the truth, they knew he'd find out one day and it would be better not to lie to him. He didn't handle it well. 

We haven't talked yet. He cried for a while, and then asked if he could go lie down. I have no idea what I'm going to say when we do talk. I didn't imagine he would find out like this, or take it this badly.

I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to get this out.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm kind of at a loss here.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:10 PM
6 moms liked this

Your parents should have told him themselves as soon as he was old enough to understand, especially since she does not have the best track record, He is in shock and probably feels betrayed. That is a huge thing to learn a 16.  He is going to need time, space, and lots of love.

All they can do now is apologize for not telling him sooner and get him counseling to deal with it if he needs it. He may be angry at everyone for a while. His world just got turned upside-down.

Good luck to your family. I hope he heals and forgives.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:17 PM

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I believe that he'll be okay once he wraps his head around it. I think he might be worried that he could end up like her.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Your parents should have told him themselves as soon as he was old enough to understand, especially since she does not have the best track record, He is in shock and probably feels betrayed. That is a huge thing to learn a 16.  He is going to need time, space, and lots of love.

All they can do now is apologize for not telling him sooner and get him counseling to deal with it if he needs it. He may be angry at everyone for a while. His world just got turned upside-down.

Good luck to your family. I hope he heals and forgives.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:20 PM
This can't be for real. Why wouldn't your parents tell him? They just kept him away when she visited? I'm giving this whole post some major side eye.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:26 PM

Make sure to reassure him that she made her own choices, and he gets to make his. It's tough because you do not want to badmouth her in case he internalizes it. He may see himself as half  of her.

He will be okay. He may want to get to know her, and your parents will have to make that decision. My hubby was adopted by amazing people, but he was always curious about his biological parents. His parents struggled, but they let him contact his biological mother when he was in high school. She is not a good person, and he found out some things he didn't really need to know, but it brought closure for him. He loves his parents with all of his heart, and knowing his biological roots only helped to cement that.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you for the kind words and advice. I believe that he'll be okay once he wraps his head around it. I think he might be worried that he could end up like her.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Your parents should have told him themselves as soon as he was old enough to understand, especially since she does not have the best track record, He is in shock and probably feels betrayed. That is a huge thing to learn a 16.  He is going to need time, space, and lots of love.

All they can do now is apologize for not telling him sooner and get him counseling to deal with it if he needs it. He may be angry at everyone for a while. His world just got turned upside-down.

Good luck to your family. I hope he heals and forgives.




ThatDancerGirl
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:28 PM
Your parents should have told him from the beginning
jjchick75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:30 PM
Your parents should have been honest with him from the start. Your sister has made plenty of mistakes but this mistake belongs entirely to your parents.

My advice is just to listen to him. You aren't the one who can provide the answers he's going to be looking for.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:30 PM

Our parents had their reasons for not telling him. He grew up hearing the things people would say about her and hear about her actions and he decided she's a person who wouldn't be worth his time. They had planned on telling him at some point, but the teen years are a weird time in general, and they didn't want to overwhelm him. 

And yes, on the occasions they knew she would be in town, they would have him go to a friends house, or stay with DH and I. I get that it sounds unbelievable, yeah the situation is really not normal, but it is what it is and I am only looking for advice.

Quoting Anonymous 3: This can't be for real. Why wouldn't your parents tell him? They just kept him away when she visited? I'm giving this whole post some major side eye.


kailu1835
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:32 PM
Poor kid. They should have told him when he was little. I can't imagine hiding something so massively huge from my child.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:37 PM

I agree with you, but he's spent his whole life hearing about the things that she's done. I think he would've reacted badly no matter the age they told him.

Quoting ThatDancerGirl: Your parents should have told him from the beginning


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:37 PM
I feel bad for your "brother" but your parents really should have told him sooner. You guys should have known how spiteful your sister would have been given her track record.

I guess all you guys can do now is try to talk to him about it when he's ready.
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