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Parents controlling my life!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies

I'm a 31 year old divorced single mother. Although single motherhood has proven to be quite difficult ... I still own my own house, pay my bills, and work a job. My parents have helped me out in great lengths my entire life. My ex-husband had a slew of problems throughout our 11 year marriage. I should have divorced him sooner per my parent's advice ... but I so wanted to prove them wrong. To say my parents didn't have a little bit of pull in my divorce would probably be a lie. They were right in everything they said, but as a parent, they should have butted out of our marital problems (although, I'm sure I'd still be divorced). And I, as a daughter, should not have complained. I see that NOW and I don't want to repeat that again. Like I said, my parents are huge helps. They will drop whatever they're doing to help me in a second. It's almost too much. One side of me is extremely grateful, but the other side of me so wants them to leave me alone. Let me live life, make my own mistakes, and let me "fly" so to speak. Here's the other part of the situation.... (Perfect example - and it happened last night) -- I went to the city yesterday. I spent the day thrifting. Alone. It was nothing new. I do this once every 3 months or so, just to get away. I was sitting in my car around 9:30 eating a Sub from Subway and I get a call from my dad. He asks me where I'm at and when I'm going to be home. I replied "I don't know." He goes on to say "Call me when you get home so I can get some sleep." Now, this is nothing new. He ALWAYS tells me to call him when I get home. And it drives me nuts every single time, but I guess it particularly bothered me last night because I felt like he was telling me to get home and if I didn't then I'm responsible for his lack of sleep. What in the hell? I'm an ADULT! Not to mention, there's been some recent happenings with my ex-husband and my parents seem to want me to do certain things. I can't even call my mom these days without her bringing my ex-husband into the conversation and telling me I need to do this ... that ... and blah blah blah. Believe me, I'm just as bothered as they are with my ex, but I'm bothered with them too. I feel like they've helped me out so much in life that they're throwing it all back in my face -- in a pretty subtle way. If I don't jump when they say jump then I'm the bad daughter. For example, my father guilt tripped me one night because I wouldn't take the kids over to him right at that moment. I was busy on a Sunday night, getting stuff ready for the work week, and cooking supper. He said to me, "With everything I've done for you and you won't even bring my grandkids to see me?!" They see them ALL the time. Too much, actually. They call daily ... and it's driving me nuts. How do I stop this?! This is completely unnatural.... right? I'm also in a pretty serious relationship with a pretty capable trustworthy manly man. We talk about this issue with my parents often and I'm so afraid of my parents being a problem in this relationship as well. I've mentioned it to them many times and made comments like "I hope you don't do that if I marry (boyfriend). He'll totally be offended". Dad claims he won't because he's so much better than the last one and the only reason he stepped in so much in my prior marriage is because my ex proved himself uncapable. Now with him stepping in so much into MY life at the current time; he makes me feel uncapable of anything. It's like an insult to me. He doesn't let me do anything on my own which I'm more than capable of doing. ADVICE PLEASE! Should I just be grateful or do I have legitimite reasons to be upset? My parents are a blessing and a curse all at the same time!

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amje
by Maynard's Bitch on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Just be grateful, and if you don't want to hear from them, don't answer the phone. Call them back when you aren't doing twenty things at once.
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this

All I see here is Blah Blah Blah, I'm Super Spoiled.

StarLight23
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:53 AM
2 moms liked this

 I would probably say something like, "I am very grateful for everything you have done, but I can do this by myself."

Or "I would love for you to see the grandkids, but I am cooking dinner and getting ready for next week right now."

If he gets offended, oh well. He needs to get over himself.

EarlGrayHot
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:55 AM

Sorry- I cannot read through this huge paragraph.  Paragraphs make it so much easier to read. 

quinnhenrysmom1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:57 AM
2 moms liked this

they are 'controlling' you because you let them..

Spare.Time
by on Oct. 26, 2015 at 9:58 AM
3 moms liked this

Become an adult.  Don't tell your parents every single thing that happens in your life.  Unless your are in fear of becoming homeless or you children going without basic necessities stop asking for any help from your parents. Set some boundaries.  Grow up.

RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Cry me a river. Your parents care about you and you expect ppl to feel bad for you? No. Be grateful.
Seagodess
by Emerald Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 10:02 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to sit your parents down and explain that you are very thankful for all they have done for you, but you need some space. Tell them that you dont have time to call every day and that they need to stop expecting you to check in when you get home. Then when they call, dont answer the phone every time. Call them every couple days or so. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 10:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Sorry. I know how it feels to be an adult but to feel you have no autonomy over your own life. I started out fairly independent at 18, but that went downhill once I married and had my first child.

You're going to have to gradually distance yourself from your parents and stop accepting help from them. Obviously, their help comes with strings attached. If you're busy, it's fine to not answer the phone or to say no to a situation that doesn't work for you. You also need to limit the amount of information you give them about your life. They can't attempt to control or comment on things they know nothing about.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 10:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Stop seeing them. Don't answer the phone when they call. Don't go over there. Don't tell them what you are doing with your life.

You aren't being an ungrateful child if, at thirty-one years old, you are living your own life. A man who cannot sleep soundly without knowing that his adult offspring is safely at her home in the night, has serious issues. That is not your problem. You don't need to feed into that.

They can whine and complain all they want about not seeing their grandchildren, but those are your children, not theirs. You operate on your schedule, not theirs. Stop responding like a teenage daughter when they treat you like one.

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