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Custody Question -- Relocating out of state

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 23 Replies

My ex husband is a mental nutcase. Been on disability four times now, been in a mental institute for 30 days, and I recently picked up a police report dating back to January where he locked himself in a room with a gun and threatened to kill himself. His own father was the one to call the police on him then. Probably shouldn't forget to add that there's a lack in consistency with child support as well. Anyhow, I'm in a happy stable relationship with a man I plan on marrying next August. We want to move 12 hours away to Virginia. My kids are against it because they're still in the denial stage when it comes to me telling them about their father. I was so frustrated a few weeks ago that I called their dad, put him on speaker phone, and asked if he was on disability again. He said, "Yep". I asked him why and he said "Mental issues". I prodded some more for information and he said, "I think people are trying to kill me ..... but my parents and the doctors tell me it's in my head. I was glad he said that. My oldest daughter heard it all and although she was crying .... I feel like she's been questioning what I've told her and acts as if I'm the bully. Now she's heard it from his own mouth. He does have decent parents -- whom I don't like for other reasons -- but they're decent to the kids as far as I know. My kids don't want to move because they'll miss out on the farm life and 'riding ponies at papas house'. They mostly spend their every other weekend with their grandparents because their dad evidently doesn't want to or don't know how to care for them. And recently, my youngest (she's 5) has really been putting on the lies. I'll ask questions about their weekend and catch her in a lie often.  As far as my oldest -- she's been secretive, defensive, and against me all along. It's very hard to talk to her. I feel that my ex and his family are brainwashing the kids. It seems like it takes an entire week to get my kids "back to normal" after returning from over there. I feel that a fresh start as a new family would be the better alternative. Even though the kids don't seem to think that ..... as a mother, I know it would be better for them. I hear these relocation battles can be terrible though. Is that true? Would I have a chance? Also, when my daughter turns 12 and she has the option to live in with her father .... does the court still have a say in whether she goes or not given his mental instability? That is SUCH a fear of mine. She just doens't want to believe the reality of the situation and I fear for their lives everytime they leave with their dad.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2015 at 10:22 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:01 AM

You have to have his permission to take them out of state, if he has any custody at all.  Maybe since he is such a nut job, the courts would step in and say you don't have to have permission, I don't know. 

bluebunnybabe
by kid crack dealer on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I think that's horrible that you did the thing with the phone call but anyway, if it's in your decree or custody agreement that you can't move, you're going to have a hard time moving. They will likely deny it if you request permission. If it isn't, you likely can move. I would have a lawyer look at your papers to be sure though.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:05 AM
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It was wrong of you to put him on speaker phone and make you daughter listen to him talk about his mental problems,  that is her father and she still loves him no matter what.  Do you have a custody agreement?  If so you have to go to court to move that far.  Running away from your problems won't help or make a fresh start,  you will still be dealing with two broken children plus have more issues because of the move.  You are the one that chose to breed with this man and you shouldn't be allowed to run away because you now feel like it. 

Melbornj
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:07 AM
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I can't believe you did that to your daughter that is just mean and vindictive.
katcb1019
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:08 AM
If there us a court order, you do have to petition the court to move. You have to prove why it's better for your children to move away from the other parent. Better schools, better standard of living that sort of thing. You can end up having to pay the cost of getting the kids back to their father for visitation.
On a side note, I don't agree with the phone call. No child has to hear terrible things about their parents. My oldest child's father is bipolar and was physically abusive to me. She is almost 12 and has no idea. She loves him and I would never ruin their relationship by telling her those things. I feel like your trying to replace their dad and ruin whatever relationship they have with him. That is parental alienation and a dorm of child abuse.
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Bigmetalchicken
by Emerald Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:20 AM
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Your children are trying to tell you the only way they know how that they do not want this man of your to be in their lives, and they certainly do not want the two of you to force them to move farther away from the people they feel love them.  And yet, you are refusing to hear them, because you are stuck on what you want, and you are too focused on painting their father to be the bad guy in this 'right fight' you have going, that you can't be bothered to listen to them.
You are saying you think they are being brainwashed, but it sounds more like you are just upset that they are not keeping their mouths shut about how they feel about this.

If you really think their father is so bad, then why are you so hellbent on putting your own romantic interests above their need to have at least one parent that is demonstrating that the kids are the first and most important priority.  Oh, and by the way, continuously talking shit about their father, even putting him on speaker and making them hear that stuff, can be considered parental alienation, and could help your daughter's case if you make her move and she wants to escaper back to her grandparents. Leave the children out of the adult drama. 

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:22 AM
You should have never involved your children in this! What you do is petition the court to relocate. Have an attorney present your case. Damn.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 11:28 AM
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Is their anything in your custody agreement preventing you from moving?  If there is, this is all premature as you will have to go to court to get permission.  Trying to turn them against their father and being insensitive to his mental health issues is pretty shitty. It was completly inappropriate to place him on speaker and ask about his mental health history to prove something to your kids.  That's piss poor parenting so perhaps neither of you are too "fit"...

hannmc14
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this

My sil, before she was my sil, wanted to take my niece down to FL with her, we live in NY, and a judge put a stop order on her ability to move out of state. A lot of judges will not allow you to relocate when they have an estabilished relationship with family. Some won't even let you move out of the county without permission, my co-workers ex made it so that she was unable to move out of the county because they shared custody and the kids were enrolled in a specific school already. Gl but there is a really good chance a judge will not let you just leave the state if dad or dad's family is involved with the children.

BaronSamedi
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 12:27 PM
1 mom liked this

See a very good lawyer who will go over the divorce decree.  Then document everything.  You will need lots of documentation.

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