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Advice needed from mom's whose kids don't live with them

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 60 Replies

I've been moved away from my boys for a little over a year. Moved for work. Boys stayed with dad so as to not change schools. I know that them staying with their dad was easier for them than to have to move with me and change schools. Prior to the move, it was every other week. Now, I'm feeling pretty useless. 

I need advice on how to stay connected with them. I try calling them obviously as it is my right to and will continue to do so. But, these are boys ages, 10 and 14. They talk about video games, they want to go outside and play, not talk on the phone. I don't take it personal. We have a good time on weekends (three weekends per month and half the summer is my time with them) but I feel I'm losing my connection to them, like they're not mine anymore. This doesn't feel right in my gut. 

It is still court-ordered joint legal custody (in all decision making areas) and parent/teacher conferences are coming up. I'm feeling discouraged and thinking what good will it do to go to the school for this. I know I have a right to go. The boys are doing ok in school. Should I keep trying to assert myself? Their dad and I don't have a good co-parenting relationship. He'd be all for me not asserting my rights. But, if I don't assert my rights  and stay involved ........... well, I don't know what I don't know, kwim? 

I just need advice or ideas on how to stay connected to them and to feel like I'm still their mom and still needed. 

Anyone else been throught this?

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:07 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't understand how a "mother" could just leave her kids behind for a job. You want to be connected then move closer, and get 50/50.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:15 PM

Well, thanks. It's called supporting my children. I moved where my job took me in order to not lose the job.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don't understand how a "mother" could just leave her kids behind for a job. You want to be connected then move closer, and get 50/50.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:15 PM

Sorry :-(! Here's a bump!
I couldn't leave my kiddos either.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:17 PM
Yeah... I'd never ever ever do this. Not in a million years.
Libby22
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:17 PM
2 moms liked this

I've got nothing, I'm sorry. My career is extremely important to me but I would give it up if it got in the way of a relationship with my child. Is there any way you can get a new job or ask to be transferred back?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I would rather live in a one bedroom apartment, and work at McDonald's than leave my kids behind for any job. There is far more to supporting a kid than making money. You're feeling the repercussions of being an absentee "parent".

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Well, thanks. It's called supporting my children. I moved where my job took me in order to not lose the job.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don't understand how a "mother" could just leave her kids behind for a job. You want to be connected then move closer, and get 50/50.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this

And have my ex taking me to court for failure to support my kids and provide a good home for them, no thanks. I've always made more money than their dad so even when we were doing every other week, I had to pay child support. Now that he has them most of the time, I owe more support. He works but doesn't make much. And an "absentee parent" isn't one who stays involved. That is what I'm trying to do - stay involved. 

So, how is a "good parent" having a one bedroom apartment and no money, working at McDonalds? That isn't an option, that's a mistake. A secure job does better for my boys than a crappy, minimum wage job and no space at home.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I would rather live in a one bedroom apartment, and work at McDonald's than leave my kids behind for any job. There is far more to supporting a kid than making money. You're feeling the repercussions of being an absentee "parent".
Quoting Anonymous 1:

Well, thanks. It's called supporting my children. I moved where my job took me in order to not lose the job.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I don't understand how a "mother" could just leave her kids behind for a job. You want to be connected then move closer, and get 50/50.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:02 PM

bump

kadcas
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:09 PM
I don't know about being away from your kids, but I think it's hard to stay connected to boys as they grow up. Just force your self to learn as much about their interests as possible. Read reviews about stupid movies you would never watch. Also texting a few times a day with dumb boy jokes or whatever.
witzandglitz
by Queen Lollipop on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:15 PM
3 moms liked this
Buy the same video game and learn how to play it so you can skype and talk strategy. If you don't know how - learn. You need a personal connection. Get on their level.
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