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Dh is upset because dds fiancé didn't ask before proposing

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 279 Replies
Dd is 28 and her and her boyfriend came over on Saturday. They just got back from a vacation to Spain and Italy and we thought they were just coming over to catch up and say hi and tell us about their trip.

Dh and her have always butted heads a bit. We are more conservative homebodies, religious, while she's more free spirited and grew away from our faith. We don't love her any less but they aren't as close as with our other daughters.

Anyway I noticed right away she was wearing a ring and my stomach dropped. They told us he proposed on the trip and Dh didn't look happy. He eventually just said "I feel very disrespected that James didn't come speak to me man to man about this first. As of right now I don't feel like I can support this, but perhaps James and I can go talk". Dd said "no one was asking for your support. We were informing you that I accepted his proposal. What do you need to go discuss, whether you'll be giving him cows or chickens for my dowry?" in a snarky tone. Dh shook his head and left the room, Dd and him left a minute later.

I feel stuck in the middle here. Dh has always made it clear he expected that any boyfriends come ask him for his permission before asking for a dds hand. All my other girls did it. This Dd feels it is sexist and outdated and told her boyfriend as much. Ugh, I don't want to be the middle man here but both are so stubborn and this should be a happy time!
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BCauseImAwesome
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 4:59 PM
7 moms liked this
I'm with your husband. It's just a nice thing to do.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:00 PM
44 moms liked this

Nobody needs your husband's permission to propose to your daughter. He doesn't own her. The only permission nessecary to marry her is hers.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:01 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree with your dd. I wouldn't have married my husband if he had asked my father. Your husband may be disappointed, but he needs to get over it.
Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:01 PM
2 moms liked this
I understand your husbands feelings, but what's done is done. He needs to be happy his daughter has found someone she loves. I would be more upset with the disrespectful snarky comment she made.
Ted1242
by I'm listening. on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:01 PM
4 moms liked this
Although, I'd probably be the asshole that said the same thing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:01 PM
4 moms liked this
Clearly her daughter doesn't feel it's a nice thing to do, as plenty of women don't. Her feelings are naturally going to trump her father's to her fiancé.

Quoting BCauseImAwesome: I'm with your husband. It's just a nice thing to do.
SitaStJames
by *Sita* on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:02 PM
6 moms liked this

feel like I've read a similar post like this before....

Maks1mommy
by Emerald Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:02 PM
2 moms liked this
I think it's a stupid reason to be mad. But then again, I'm not conservative or old fashioned.
BCauseImAwesome
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:02 PM
Clearly. I think that's sad.

Quoting Anonymous 4: Clearly her daughter doesn't feel it's a nice thing to do, as plenty of women don't. Her feelings are naturally going to trump her father's to her fiancé.

Quoting BCauseImAwesome: I'm with your husband. It's just a nice thing to do.
MrsViau
by PinkGiraffe on Oct. 26, 2015 at 5:04 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm with your dd on this one. As been said above, he doesn't own your dd so no one needs his permission. He needs to get over it and move on, there are more important things to worry about then this.
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