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Would You Talk To Him?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

After my siblings and I were already grown, my half brother "A" (my mom's son by not my dad's son) told the whole family my dad had molested him as a child.

No one is sure whether they should believe him. "A" gets an SSI check for being mentally ill. He has been known to fabricate stories even including trying to get me personally arrested for something I legitimately swear on my life did not do, but he truly thinks I did.

"A" told me to ask our other brother, "B" about it (my full brother), because supposedly our Dad had admitted to him he did indeed molest our brother. So I asked "B" and he said our Dad did admit it to him.

I don't know what to believe now. I honestly don't know B well to say whether he'd lie or not about that. When my parents split he was already an adult and I was 8, and he moved away to join the army. He settled down in a different state and doesn't come home to visit. So basically my only memories of him were as kids and I don't really "know" him, kwim?

Before B told me these things, my Dad had met my DH and kids, but just being a busy family we didn't talk much, and after what B told me I decided to err on the side of caution and not let him be in our lives anymore.

And here's where idk what to do. My Dad probably does not have much longer to live. A few years maybe. He abused his body with drugs and alcohol and is paying for it now, although he does not do drugs/alcohol now.

Should I allow him to be back in our lives? Even if there were no allegations, I wouldn't leave him alone with my kids because I just feel like he's too old/beat up/worn down from his abuse of his body to keep up with them.

I don't want my Dad to die without being on good terms with him. Even doing drugs he was always a good Dad in the sense he provided for us, loved us, etc. He was just a functional drug/alcohol abuser.

WWYD? I really don't know what to believe as far as him being a molester. All my other siblings say he 1000% did not touch them, including my other half brother that was also not my dad's bio child. So it wasn't something like he only touched "A" and not his kids because A isn't his kid, there was another small child there that 100% was not touched.

Another thing I thought of that doesn't make a lot of sense. "A" said that my Dad used to come in at night to molest him when everyone was sleeping. But growing up, I had 5 brothers living under the same roof, all sleeping in the same room, in bunk beds. It seems like someone somewhere would have noticed that, but "A" says they slept through it. And "A" also says that it happened when we lived in California, but when we lived there my Mom made us all sleep in the same room because she was afraid of the earthquakes and not being able to get to her kids. It seems really weird to me that he'd have been able to get to my brother in a room full of kids PLUS my Mom and molest him with no one noticing. "A" says we just slept through it and that it only happened at night when everyone was sleeping.

Idk what to do anymore.


Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:29 PM
Bump
fallenangel_353
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:33 PM
Why would B lie on his own father? Do they have a bad relationship? Would he have reason to lie about it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:37 PM
B prefers to feel like he's not part of our family. He feels that because he has a career and not a lot of us do, he's better.

Quoting fallenangel_353: Why would B lie on his own father? Do they have a bad relationship? Would he have reason to lie about it?
Ramms
by New Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:40 PM

I would believe A & B.  Personally, I wouldn't bring someone like your dad around my kids. 

FromAtoZ
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I can understand your feelings about your Dad dying alone but it seems he may have brought that on to himself, sadly.

Let me say this, my mother was abusive to me.  Only me.  Yet when she was close to death I went to see her.  I had to.  Like you, I did not want her to die without her knowing I was there, that I loved her regardless of how awful she was.  

That was more for me than for her.

Do what you feel is best for you.  I would highly consider keeping the children out of this.  

DJsmama34
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:45 PM

i would just leave things the way they are not have him back

fallenangel_353
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 5:24 PM
That doesn't sound like a motive to lie about something so serious. You probably just need to face the possibility that your father did actually do this, and evaluate your decisions from there.

Quoting Anonymous 1: B prefers to feel like he's not part of our family. He feels that because he has a career and not a lot of us do, he's better.

Quoting fallenangel_353: Why would B lie on his own father? Do they have a bad relationship? Would he have reason to lie about it?
Kaelee1
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 5:40 PM

Having a career doesn't mean he would lie about something like this.  Based on your account, he seems the most trustworthy.  I'd believe him.

Quoting Anonymous 1: B prefers to feel like he's not part of our family. He feels that because he has a career and not a lot of us do, he's better.
Quoting fallenangel_353: Why would B lie on his own father? Do they have a bad relationship? Would he have reason to lie about it?


JENNlEPEPSl
by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 5:50 PM

I would. Even after all that has happened, he is dying. Its time to put it aside, and let the kids see him SUPERVISED ONLY. 


CheerioHolder
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 5:51 PM
I personally would keep in contact over the phone and through texts, maybe go lunch or coffee every once in a while and share pictures with him of what my kids have been up to. In other words, I would keep a relationship with him while still being sure to never have my kids alone or in a private place with him for even a moment.
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