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Im a door mat...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies
My kids and husband walk all over me and I guess I let them. I try not to but damn it feels like they are all against me and the arguments are not worth the headache.

First the kids are badly behaved 8&5 they know what I want I remind them what I want but they do what they want.

Morning time
my 5 yr old refuses to get up I either have to dress him while half asleep or bribe him with playing a game on my phone to get ready. After he's dressed he gets my phone and ignores everything I say because he's paying attention to my phone. I have to ask him multiple times what he wants for breakfast and to put his shoes on before I take the phone away and he does what I ask. Pretty much he's glued to his games and is in his own world all day.
The 8 yr old is getting better but some mornings refuses to brush her teeth and hair and lies when I ask her if she did. Then if I have to brush her hair she throws a mad fit over it(I swear I'm as gentle as can be).

So morning is full of fighting, ignoring me, lying and yeah not fun.

After school they know they have to do their homework...but they first need a snack, then a drink, then I find them in their room playing and I'm telling them do your homework now.
The 5 year old is only me reading a book which I do at bed time sometimes he has a quick assignment like find abcs around the house so mostly it's the 8 yr old who homework is a fight. She finally starts her reading but later I find out she's been playing and not reading. So I make her reading where I can see her but of course her brothers pestering her and I also have an almost 2 yr old that I'm dealing with so I have to keep reminding the 8 yr old to do her homework. Sometimes she lies and says she did it when she hasn't.

And then it's dinner time where I get to hear them complain about what is for dinner and how they aren't eating and how they want something else. My son usually eats well and I think he complain s just because the 8 yr old does. She eats but not a lot. After dinner they are looking for snacks and I get mad because there is still dinner to be eaten if they are hungry.

Anyway so bedtime routine and getting them to bed is about the same as the rest of the day.
I want to take things away, say no snacks, put them to bed early. You know send out punishment when needed but dh fights with me like I'm the one whos overreacting and then let's them do what they want. I tell him all the time they would have more respect for me and do what is asked the first time if there were actually consequences of misbehaving.

Idk what to do. Obviously I'm not giving up and I go against dh and do take games away which he gives back, and say no snacks to which he gives it to them anyway. I'm trying here I am but sometimes I just say fuck it it's not worth the headache today.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Seagodess
by Emerald Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:06 PM

In the mornings stop giving in. Pull them out of bed and hand them their clothes to get dressed. Do not hand over your phone or game. Tell them if they dont do what they are told, they will be grounded from any fun after school.

After school let them have a snack at the table and then make them sit there to do their homework so you can keep an eye on them and they are not playing. Do the best you can to keep the other kids away and not pestering them. Give the other kids something to do during this time. Tell them they can play after they finish their homework. 

At dinner tell them that they will eat dinner or nothing. Dont buy snacks and they wont have any to get afterwards. Depending on how their behavior was the rest of the day, depends on if they get to watch tv, play games or whatever. 

You need to sit your husband down and explain what is going on and get on the same page. He should have your back, not going behind your back.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM
He tells me it makes it easier for him to enjoy the time he has with me if they have something to do and aren't annoying us for things. It is annoying but it's never going to stop if we don't stop it.

Quoting Seagodess:

In the mornings stop giving in. Pull them out of bed and hand them their clothes to get dressed. Do not hand over your phone or game. Tell them if they dont do what they are told, they will be grounded from any fun after school.

After school let them have a snack at the table and then make them sit there to do their homework so you can keep an eye on them and they are not playing. Do the best you can to keep the other kids away and not pestering them. Give the other kids something to do during this time. Tell them they can play after they finish their homework. 

At dinner tell them that they will eat dinner or nothing. Dont buy snacks and they wont have any to get afterwards. Depending on how their behavior was the rest of the day, depends on if they get to watch tv, play games or whatever. 

You need to sit your husband down and explain what is going on and get on the same page. He should have your back, not going behind your back.

FromAtoZ
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:12 PM

And your husband does nothing about all of this?

Those kids would have NOTHING in their rooms outside of their bed.  NOTHING.  They don't get to play with devices, watch television, or anything at all.  

If your husband is acting like the children you are in a no win situation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:18 PM
Well like last night they added a bunch of toppings to their dinner because they said it looked gross then would only eat a few bites. Dh was out of town so I told him what happened and told him there would be no snacks and he begged me to feed them like I was being abusive and starving them

Quoting FromAtoZ:

And your husband does nothing about all of this?

Those kids would have NOTHING in their rooms outside of their bed.  NOTHING.  They don't get to play with devices, watch television, or anything at all.  

If your husband is acting like the children you are in a no win situation.

Seagodess
by Emerald Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:19 PM

You need to make him understand that things are just going to get worse if it continues. If he needs time with just you, go on a date, or put the kids to be early. Especially if they are misbehaving.

Quoting Anonymous 1: He tells me it makes it easier for him to enjoy the time he has with me if they have something to do and aren't annoying us for things. It is annoying but it's never going to stop if we don't stop it.
Quoting Seagodess:

In the mornings stop giving in. Pull them out of bed and hand them their clothes to get dressed. Do not hand over your phone or game. Tell them if they dont do what they are told, they will be grounded from any fun after school.

After school let them have a snack at the table and then make them sit there to do their homework so you can keep an eye on them and they are not playing. Do the best you can to keep the other kids away and not pestering them. Give the other kids something to do during this time. Tell them they can play after they finish their homework. 

At dinner tell them that they will eat dinner or nothing. Dont buy snacks and they wont have any to get afterwards. Depending on how their behavior was the rest of the day, depends on if they get to watch tv, play games or whatever. 

You need to sit your husband down and explain what is going on and get on the same page. He should have your back, not going behind your back.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:19 PM
I am sorry no I will not do that. My 11yr old has ADHD and anxiety and behavioral problems which he is getting help with. He has a morning routine and an afternoon routine. He follows rules or has consequences that are on our refrigerator. With my husband I had to stand and stick to my guns. Now him and I are doing better and I am getting my needs and wants met. What does your husband do that he is there first thing in morning? I am sorry to pry but my husband has always worked jobs where he was gone before our son is up for school or gets home in mornings after our son is in school when he worked nights. Honestly I am sorry but I am trying to help.
FromAtoZ
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:20 PM


Quoting Anonymous 1: Well like last night they added a bunch of toppings to their dinner because they said it looked gross then would only eat a few bites. Dh was out of town so I told him what happened and told him there would be no snacks and he begged me to feed them like I was being abusive and starving them
Quoting FromAtoZ:

And your husband does nothing about all of this?

Those kids would have NOTHING in their rooms outside of their bed.  NOTHING.  They don't get to play with devices, watch television, or anything at all.  

If your husband is acting like the children you are in a no win situation.

You are not a door mat.  You are being used and abused by your husband and your children.  You are out numbered.

I am frustrated just reading this.  

I would still take everything out of their rooms. They can earn it back.  If your husband has such an issue with it, tell him to stay home and raise them.

Something needs to be done, there needs to be a middle ground.  You and your husband need to find the same page or at least the same book.  Otherwise, those kids are going to be far worse the older they get.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:22 PM
Start by eliminating electronics (including TV) for a month. Then add it back in as a reward only.
quinnhenrysmom1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:25 PM

leave the kids with him for a while so he can see for himself..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:25 PM
My husband is not home mornings, he gets home at night and gives them their way to get some time during the evening with me.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I am sorry no I will not do that. My 11yr old has ADHD and anxiety and behavioral problems which he is getting help with. He has a morning routine and an afternoon routine. He follows rules or has consequences that are on our refrigerator. With my husband I had to stand and stick to my guns. Now him and I are doing better and I am getting my needs and wants met. What does your husband do that he is there first thing in morning? I am sorry to pry but my husband has always worked jobs where he was gone before our son is up for school or gets home in mornings after our son is in school when he worked nights. Honestly I am sorry but I am trying to help.
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