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We chose to be a family. That doesn't make us less a family

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 94 Replies
6 moms liked this
I read through a couple threads where fiance's and blended families were said to be NOT a man's family when he has prior children.

That irks me. My fiance and I made the choice to move in together, to raise our children together and to BE a family. We don't do the his-kids my-kids thing. They are just our kids. We keep all of them when the other is working without question. We help whoever needs help with homework. Whoever is available or both of us attend conferences and extra curriculars.

We are a family just as much as any married couple. We don't need legal documents to make it so and the fact that he had children before he met me does not negate my or my children's value in his life - nor do my children and I negate the value of his other children.

I don't understand the hatred and resentment towards "second families" in here. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CampHarris
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:08 PM
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My blended family is absolutely a family.  And a much happier one than the one the kids and I left behind.  It may not be the same as having their biological father in our lives... but that was kind of the point, lol.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:08 PM

So you don't need the legal documents but plan to be married? Is he really your fiance? Or is he your "fiance" in that you will be "engaged" indefinitely with no definate plans to marry?

misskriss10
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:09 PM
1 mom liked this

That's how things were when my parents divorced. My mom remarried and my stepdad raised me as his own. He didn't have any children from a previous relationship but my mother and him had a child together. Most people didn't even know that he wasn't my real father because my brother and I were treated the same way. I'm very thankful that he took me in as his own, even though he didn't have to. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Agreed! We are all very happy and stable and very much a family.

Quoting CampHarris:

My blended family is absolutely a family.  And a much happier one than the one the kids and I left behind.  It may not be the same as having their biological father in our lives... but that was kind of the point, lol.

QueenBof6
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:11 PM
My SO and I have a blended family. And are very much a family.

I don't get the mindset that no one else counts after prior children
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:11 PM
6 moms liked this
Sounds all well and good until you throw birth moms and birth dads into the mix.

And I'd never live with anyone without being married to them. My religion aside, marriage comes with some legalities that you may wish you had in place if you and your SO split.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:11 PM
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No you really aren't family yet. If one of you gets hit by a bus tomorrow the other person would never see their "step kids" again.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:11 PM
We will marry when we can afford to have the wedding I want. Id we never get to that point, it won't change a thing. I swore I would never marry again unless I could have my wedding the way I want it.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

So you don't need the legal documents but plan to be married? Is he really your fiance? Or is he your "fiance" in that you will be "engaged" indefinitely with no definate plans to marry?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:12 PM
We are both very close to and involved in eachother's biokids. It's about love and there is plenty to go around.

Quoting misskriss10:

That's how things were when my parents divorced. My mom remarried and my stepdad raised me as his own. He didn't have any children from a previous relationship but my mother and him had a child together. Most people didn't even know that he wasn't my real father because my brother and I were treated the same way. I'm very thankful that he took me in as his own, even though he didn't have to. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:14 PM
His ex is very absentee and mine died so it makes it easier, I admit.

Quoting Danesmommy1: Sounds all well and good until you throw birth moms and birth dads into the mix.

And I'd never live with anyone without being married to them. My religion aside, marriage comes with some legalities that you may wish you had in place if you and your SO split.
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