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The Facts of Life - Long, But Play Along

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:38 PM
  • 24 Replies

First off, stop signing the theme song. I know it is hard, but try.

Life should have an instruction book. Let;s start one here. Some of these you know - good - some you were never taught. Please continue the list with me. Let's teach each other something. All subjects allowed.

If you borrow money, tupperwear, clothes, cars, etc... you bring that shit back. and in the same condition.

if you sleep with a married man realize you are a piece of ass and he will never leave her for you.

if your friend asks to borrow twenty bucks kiss it goodbye and call it a gift.

if you are college shopping and find one that accepts everyone and requires money upon your acceptance run away. matriculated colleges of value are paid before classes not when you say yes.

If a man says he thinks you are funny and a nice person and then offers you a glass of wine and his dick on a platter he is not into you. he just wants to get laid. these men are easy to kick in the nuts.

if your date said he had an aids test, make him show you the results. how many men really get tested?

speaking of penises, if your date whips it out and says those bumps are just moles that he has always had, slip him a herpes brochure and say sorry I have to go squeeze oranges for OJ tomorrow.

If a car dealership slips you the perfect monthly payment, don't cream your panties until you see the extended warranties, tife protections and protection against dings to the tune of 5 grand over the total of the car. they slip that shit in there and hope you don't notice.

You know those unknown company credit cards that come in with 0% but require an annual fee of 500 bucks? rip those fuckers up. you will never see 0% or your five hundred again.

don't stay late at a bar. the losers looking to get laid will buy you the last call and shove his hand up your skirt. don't be happy you finally got hit on. he is a dirty man who will fuck you badly and steal your grandmas china.

when someone dies and you see their hand move or their body shudder, don't call for help. gas is getting ready to expel. step back before the deceased pees on you.

if a zombie is chasing you, put your drink down. you have had too much.

Now if an alligator is chasing you, run zig zag. they see only forward and will slow down and get confused by your movements.

Don't have a job? Get off Cafe Mom, turn Maury off, and get out the phone book. Call everybusiness in that book and if they say no, work them for leads. The  job of the unemployed is to find a job. not fuck around.

Some people seems estatic when they get their food stamps.if you are employable you are literally stealing food stmps out of the hands of the homeless,, elderly and dsabled. Do you feel good that the little old lady down the streets gets only 20 dollars and ends up eating the mice she finds in her apartment?

Big paychecks are great! You can buy new things, go on vacation, save for retirement, and get so many breast enhancements you have to get hubby to heft them up so you can clean the crud the builds up under there. But wait. Your mother is using all her SSI on meds and spends what is left on ramen. Or the young bald kid walking around looking for change for the last treatment before he dies. What about others? Is another Mercedes or a cock implant more important than your mother paying her rent in  pennies?

are you those who sit back and expect things to happen to you? Sure a job falls in your lap and you are a sure thing. do you show up in sweats with no documentation and demand how man y vacation days you get? If you were the hiring manager would you hire the piece of crap in front of you? no matter who is sucking your dick to hire her?

If you smoke, that is your personal decision. Blowing smoke into the faces of others who did not make that decision makes you a dick. There are designated smoking areas. Don't be lazy and refuse to walk over there. On the other hand, non smokers should STFU when telling a smoker to stop. It ain't going to do anything.

So a person is black. You wanna judge? Judge their character. Judge their contributions to society. Judge their knowledge, maturity, and class. Being darker than you means nothing. Being a better person than you means everything.

Who cares if Fybromyalgia is a real disease.The symptoms are real. bitching at a fibro patient because you think they are faking is like telling a depressed person to snap out of it cuz it can't be real  and then they blow their brains out.

Body shaming is disgusting. People of class see a person as a person. Not a fat blob with saggy boobs and a giant ass. They also dont see the bony people with no fat. And if they do they should hold their mouth. A FAT PERSON KNOWS THEY ARE FAT. No PSA is needed. And don't ever tell a skinny person to eat. Do you really think they haven;t heard that before? Someone's body is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

If you are a teen mother don;t let the mature mothers belittle you or make you feel bad. So you fucked up. All health classes give you your options. Any choice you make makes you a stronger person. And you gain knowledge. Use that knowledge and it wont happen again.

If someone makes a mistake, don't snicker and tell them they are wrong. Explain the correction - help them to learn. learning something new feels good. wouldn't you want to help someone feel good? it will make you feel good too.

I am going to end this with the myth of perfect parenthood. It is in our nature to lie. Perfection is impossible. Children themselves ensure that their mothers arenot perfect but are actually fucked up and faking  normal. Just like you and me. If you claim perfection you had better lower your Xanax dose because it is fucking with your brain.

So, add some ladies. Those of you who choose to ignore the message and correct grammar or punctuation lose this game of life. It just means you have nothiing to say. Why don;t you think of something?

I had not inentions with this post. It is free thought. Try it.


by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OshKoshByotch
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this
I feel like this can be summed up in 4 words.

Don't be a dick.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:42 PM
I have to disagree with the sleeping with a married man part. Lol.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:44 PM
However, I do agree with this

Quoting OshKoshByotch: I feel like this can be summed up in 4 words.

Don't be a dick.
morgiefae
by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I freaking miss you when you aren't on here..
-high five-
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:45 PM
I agree.

Quoting OshKoshByotch: I feel like this can be summed up in 4 words.

Don't be a dick.
KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:46 PM
Too late to read all that.
witzandglitz
by Queen Lollipop on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, but that is so short and I was feeling wordy.

Quoting OshKoshByotch: I feel like this can be summed up in 4 words. Don't be a dick.


OshKoshByotch
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:46 PM
Oh for sure i just felt it needed a tl;dr lol

Quoting Anonymous 1: However, I do agree with this

Quoting OshKoshByotch: I feel like this can be summed up in 4 words.

Don't be a dick.
witzandglitz
by Queen Lollipop on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:47 PM

According to others it sums up to don't be a dck.

Quoting KendallsMommee: Too late to read all that.


nellyoleson
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 10:47 PM
I want to be tootie on roller skates.
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