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Adoption? I'd like to hear your stories

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 9:28 PM
  • 67 Replies

Whether you're adoptive parents or a child who was adopted, I'd like to hear your stories about growing up/raising your child. I'm writing a book, currently, and the main character released her child to another family. It was a closed, private adoption but the child found her years later, nonetheless. I'm trying to see things from many different perspectives, but I want to get it as close to real as possible.


Thanks!

by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GKSoccerMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 9:35 PM

bump

quinnhenrysmom1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 10:29 PM
2 moms liked this

well,this may not be what youre looking for but it might be interesting to see how adoption affects the children of adoptees..my dad was adopted..since he died when i was 3,ive really been curious about my birth grandparents.according to my mom,my dad didnt care about his birth parents,he adored the people who adopted him.ive always wondered if what killed him was genetic,what his birt parents were like,everything.hope that gives you some insight..

lenashark
by Emerald Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 10:39 PM

We adopted our youngest son a year and a half ago. His mother is my husband's distant cousin. There is a divide in my husband's family and one part of the family does not communicate with the other, so she did not grow up knowing my husband. When she was a teenager she contacted my mother in law and secretly formed a relationship with her and my husband, she wanted to move to Italy and knew my mother in law used to live there so she wanted advise. She moved to Italy when she was 18 and met and married my son's father. While she was pregnant his father was killed, suspected to have been murdered. Her only family there lived in the slums and not knowing who killed her husband, she didn't want to remain with her husband's family out of fear someone would go after her child.

She moved back to her family in the United States. She is unable to live apart from them right now, but did not want her child to grow up in that environment. She loves my son but did not think she was giving him the care that he deserved, so she contacted my husband and I and asked if we would consider adopting him. She wanted him to be with someone who she knew and trusted, but she knew her family would not accept the adoption so she wanted to make sure they wouldn't find out who she gave him to. My son is two months younger than my daughter so we already had a lot of what we needed for a baby in the house. He is now two and is our little boy, I couldn't imagine our family without him. 

adopteeme
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2015 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I grew up in an adoptive home that should have been continuously monitored for the proper care of goldfish.
.....they had no business being anyone's parent!
I am reunited with my Mother, siblings and extended family. I am hot on the trail of the discovery of my unknown paternal lineage.
I hate adoption policy and practice that involves:
$$$$$$
Secrets and lies
the loss of identity, knowledge and relationships with family BEFORE any gain by being adopted
Sealed records! Really really sucks about being adopted!!!!
GKSoccerMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this

thank you for taking the time to respond! It does help; the character in the story isn't aware of who her father is and i'm working out if I should bring him in or what. I appreciate it!

Quoting quinnhenrysmom1:

well,this may not be what youre looking for but it might be interesting to see how adoption affects the children of adoptees..my dad was adopted..since he died when i was 3,ive really been curious about my birth grandparents.according to my mom,my dad didnt care about his birth parents,he adored the people who adopted him.ive always wondered if what killed him was genetic,what his birt parents were like,everything.hope that gives you some insight..


GKSoccerMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:06 PM

That's wonderful, thank you for sharing and congrats on your little boy. Was the legal portion of the adoption stressful? What went through your mind the day he was officially yours? What fears did you have? You don't have to answer all those, I know some are very personal.

Quoting lenashark:

We adopted our youngest son a year and a half ago. His mother is my husband's distant cousin. There is a divide in my husband's family and one part of the family does not communicate with the other, so she did not grow up knowing my husband. When she was a teenager she contacted my mother in law and secretly formed a relationship with her and my husband, she wanted to move to Italy and knew my mother in law used to live there so she wanted advise. She moved to Italy when she was 18 and met and married my son's father. While she was pregnant his father was killed, suspected to have been murdered. Her only family there lived in the slums and not knowing who killed her husband, she didn't want to remain with her husband's family out of fear someone would go after her child.

She moved back to her family in the United States. She is unable to live apart from them right now, but did not want her child to grow up in that environment. She loves my son but did not think she was giving him the care that he deserved, so she contacted my husband and I and asked if we would consider adopting him. She wanted him to be with someone who she knew and trusted, but she knew her family would not accept the adoption so she wanted to make sure they wouldn't find out who she gave him to. My son is two months younger than my daughter so we already had a lot of what we needed for a baby in the house. He is now two and is our little boy, I couldn't imagine our family without him. 


GKSoccerMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:09 PM

oh wow, I'm really sorry that it worked out like that for you. I'm glad you were able to find your mother and siblings. A sense of family is very important.

Were you adopted through an agency or privately? If you don't know, that's okay. The character who placed her daughter chose the couple by herself and it was a private deal.

I considered placing my daughter when I was pregnant with her and I remember being very uncomfortable and feeling very pressured by the agencies I went to. That's one reason I decided to keep her; I felt I couldn't trust anyone who would have monetary gain for my daughter. They didn't have my interests at heart, or hers, they just wanted money. (The agencies, not the potential parents.)

Quoting adopteeme: I grew up in an adoptive home that should have been continuously monitored for the proper care of goldfish. .....they had no business being anyone's parent! I am reunited with my Mother, siblings and extended family. I am hot on the trail of the discovery of my unknown paternal lineage. I hate adoption policy and practice that involves: $$$$$$ Secrets and lies the loss of identity, knowledge and relationships with family BEFORE any gain by being adopted Sealed records! Really really sucks about being adopted!!!!


lenashark
by Emerald Member on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks. It was, but probably less stressful than having to go through an adoption agency and going through the process of finding a child. He was already living with us and was ours by the time that he became legally ours, it relieved some stress that he couldn't be taken back, but otherwise it was a pretty uneventful day. Our main fear is members of his biological family who don't approve of the adoption finding out who and where we are since they have made threats and my son not adjusting as he gets older to the idea that he is adopted. 

Quoting GKSoccerMom:

That's wonderful, thank you for sharing and congrats on your little boy. Was the legal portion of the adoption stressful? What went through your mind the day he was officially yours? What fears did you have? You don't have to answer all those, I know some are very personal.

Quoting lenashark:

We adopted our youngest son a year and a half ago. His mother is my husband's distant cousin. There is a divide in my husband's family and one part of the family does not communicate with the other, so she did not grow up knowing my husband. When she was a teenager she contacted my mother in law and secretly formed a relationship with her and my husband, she wanted to move to Italy and knew my mother in law used to live there so she wanted advise. She moved to Italy when she was 18 and met and married my son's father. While she was pregnant his father was killed, suspected to have been murdered. Her only family there lived in the slums and not knowing who killed her husband, she didn't want to remain with her husband's family out of fear someone would go after her child.

She moved back to her family in the United States. She is unable to live apart from them right now, but did not want her child to grow up in that environment. She loves my son but did not think she was giving him the care that he deserved, so she contacted my husband and I and asked if we would consider adopting him. She wanted him to be with someone who she knew and trusted, but she knew her family would not accept the adoption so she wanted to make sure they wouldn't find out who she gave him to. My son is two months younger than my daughter so we already had a lot of what we needed for a baby in the house. He is now two and is our little boy, I couldn't imagine our family without him. 



GKSoccerMom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:14 PM

That sounds a lot like what my main character did; she found the family, met with them several times and then said "I don't want a part of this, I don't want to meet her, ever." so I guess it was a little more closed than yours.

I know I'll get some anti adoption stuff and that's okay, I know it's a sticky subject and honestly, I do think adopting costs far too much and is very corrupt in many ways. For the purpose of my book, though, I'm not delving into the ins and outs, more the emotional stuff.

Congrats on your daughter! Thank you for taking the time to respond

Quoting Anonymous 1: Any post with "adoption" in it will attract CM's resident anti-adoption nuts (be forwarded). That being said, we adopted our DD as a newborn. BM requested a "semi-closed" adoption. We know her name and met her family and vice-versa. We can find her one day if DD wants to, but BM did not want to be an active part of her life. We respect that.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 18, 2015 at 6:29 PM

I was born in Vietnam (Saigon) in 1974.  When i was 4.5 months old i came to America and was adopted by a white family (half jew/half roman catholic)

i grew up in a predominately white area, went to a predominately white school.  I have my original birth certificate with my birth eggs name on it.. just the sperm name is omitted.

I grew up in a normal middle class family.  vacations every school break, 6 weeks of summer camp, 2 weeks during the summer traveling, celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas.

I honestly have no complaints about my childhood.

my mother died in 1993 and my father died in 2004.  people always ask me, dont i want to find my "real parents"  my real parents are dead... I will never get or understand how people think just because my parents DNA is not in me, they arent my parents.

i am glad my records are sealed, i am glad i will never have to worry about some weirdo showing up saying they are my sibling.  i honestly could give two shits if they ar alive or dead.  i dont have hatred towards them... the egg and sperm or just egg person, did what she had to do, and i respect that... but i could care less about her...

i think more adoptions should be closed and sealed... whats the point of giving a child up for adoption if you still want to be a part of that persons life?  then raise your damn child...


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