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What would you do if you caught your son cheating? (long)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My 17 year old son has had a smartphone for about 4 months now. I've been really careful to monitor it. He is aware of that. He knows that there is a monitoring app on the phone and that I can see everything he does on it. That was part of the deal when I let him get a smart phone, that I would monitor it until he is 18 or until he graduates high school.
He has been dating an awesome girl since October. He's had a crush on her since he was 6, and really got close to her over the summer. She is positive and encouraging, and is just really good for him. He seems to really love her.
The other day, I checked the logs for his phone and found a phone call to a strange number that lasted 2.5 hours, at 11:30 at night. He was spending the night with his granddad at the time, so I asked him who he was talking to when I saw him the next day, and he started getting really nervous. So I knew then that something was up. He says it was a girl he went to school with, and she was talking to him about her ex boyfriend, whom she just broke up with. He made it sound all innocent. So I talk to him about how it is perfectly fine to have friends that are girls, just to be careful that it didn't turn into more than that while he was already seeing someone else, and that if he wanted to see other people he needed to make sure to talk to his girlfriend first. He still seems off, and is quiet and weird all day. So I ask him about it again, and he just busts out bawling, and says that he has been talking to her on instagram direct for two or three days, and that she has been sending him pics of her in her bra and panties, and that their conversations have been really inappropriate. I had a big talk with him about how he needs to break it off with her or with his girlfriend, how it is not ok to have pictures of a teenage girl in underwear, even if he is the same age, and how if she is sending them to him the first day they really started talking, she is probably dealing with some serious self esteem issues and that he is taking advantage of that in a way by continuing this knowing that he has a girlfriend. I'm so mad at him, it makes me sick to my stomach. He knows first hand what cheating does to people. He has seen me deal with it when his father cheated, he saw how hard it was on our family. I raised him to respect himself and to respect girls. He is doing neither.
Anyway, he felt really bad about it, and swears that he loves his girlfriend and doesn't want to keep talking to the other girl. He said he would just be honest and tell her that he loves his girlfriend and can't keep talking to her like that. It's been three days, and he still hasn't told her anything. Just kind of left her hanging. She keeps sending him messages on instagram, which I am now checking, and he just doesn't respond. I'm not sure if I should do anything else at this point. Should I tell the girl's mother that she is sending underwear pics to guys on instagram? Should I just let him handle it from here? Should he tell his girlfriend about it? He never met up with the girl or anything, it was just one phone call and a few days of instagram messages. Idk what to do from here, if anything. How would you handle it?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2015 at 12:33 PM
Replies (11-20):
cheekacheeka
by Emerald Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 1:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Umm....I wouldn't. He's old enough to deal with his own problems with girls. When his gf finds out it will be a valuable lesson for him. Stay out of it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 1:05 PM
He's 17.... Not married. You need to back off completely. It's none of your business. At 17 he should be dating, not in a relationship. He isn't ready to be committed to anyone.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 2:17 PM
2 moms liked this
Until he is 18, it IS your business what he does. Too many parents these days don't care or are not involved. While I agree he has to learn lessons the hard way, it's not ok for this girl to send those pics. I would tell her she needs to stop. I don't think you're too involved at all and he knows there was an agreement I think you're doing a good job
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 2:45 PM

He is almost a grown man.  You need to stay OUT of it. He isn't doing drugs, or anything illegal.  He isn't really "cheating" either, since he isn't living with the girl, or married to her.

This is all on him, and for him to figure out, and/or deal with the consequences of.

_ethansmommy
by on Dec. 28, 2015 at 2:50 PM
This

Quoting Anonymous 4: Until he is 18, it IS your business what he does. Too many parents these days don't care or are not involved. While I agree he has to learn lessons the hard way, it's not ok for this girl to send those pics. I would tell her she needs to stop. I don't think you're too involved at all and he knows there was an agreement I think you're doing a good job
hottle16821
by on Dec. 28, 2015 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I'll monitor my son until he is 18. Yes he will have freedom but I will definitely be too involved. Idc.
hottle16821
by on Dec. 28, 2015 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok so if you are 18 or older. Dating in a "serious" relationship but not yet married or moved in either one of the two people can just go fuck whoever? Makes no sense.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

He is almost a grown man.  You need to stay OUT of it. He isn't doing drugs, or anything illegal.  He isn't really "cheating" either, since he isn't living with the girl, or married to her.

This is all on him, and for him to figure out, and/or deal with the consequences of.

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 3:05 PM


Quoting hottle16821: Ok so if you are 18 or older. Dating in a "serious" relationship but not yet married or moved in either one of the two people can just go fuck whoever? Makes no sense.
Quoting Not_A_Native:

He is almost a grown man.  You need to stay OUT of it. He isn't doing drugs, or anything illegal.  He isn't really "cheating" either, since he isn't living with the girl, or married to her.

This is all on him, and for him to figure out, and/or deal with the consequences of.

Ok, but these are high school kids.  No one (that she knows of) is sleeping with one another.

High school relationships are NOT serious, except to the high schoolers involved.

Daffanyrose
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 3:06 PM
You need a fucking life and some dick to calm you down
ready4happiness
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think your to involved it's good that you minister and have a very open relationship with your child. I'm personally proud of you momma. Good job.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Am I? I'm always worried that I'm too involved. I can't seem to figure out the balance between being too involved and not involved enough. Where am I messing up here?

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You're too involved.

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