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What would you do if you caught your son cheating? (long)

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My 17 year old son has had a smartphone for about 4 months now. I've been really careful to monitor it. He is aware of that. He knows that there is a monitoring app on the phone and that I can see everything he does on it. That was part of the deal when I let him get a smart phone, that I would monitor it until he is 18 or until he graduates high school.
He has been dating an awesome girl since October. He's had a crush on her since he was 6, and really got close to her over the summer. She is positive and encouraging, and is just really good for him. He seems to really love her.
The other day, I checked the logs for his phone and found a phone call to a strange number that lasted 2.5 hours, at 11:30 at night. He was spending the night with his granddad at the time, so I asked him who he was talking to when I saw him the next day, and he started getting really nervous. So I knew then that something was up. He says it was a girl he went to school with, and she was talking to him about her ex boyfriend, whom she just broke up with. He made it sound all innocent. So I talk to him about how it is perfectly fine to have friends that are girls, just to be careful that it didn't turn into more than that while he was already seeing someone else, and that if he wanted to see other people he needed to make sure to talk to his girlfriend first. He still seems off, and is quiet and weird all day. So I ask him about it again, and he just busts out bawling, and says that he has been talking to her on instagram direct for two or three days, and that she has been sending him pics of her in her bra and panties, and that their conversations have been really inappropriate. I had a big talk with him about how he needs to break it off with her or with his girlfriend, how it is not ok to have pictures of a teenage girl in underwear, even if he is the same age, and how if she is sending them to him the first day they really started talking, she is probably dealing with some serious self esteem issues and that he is taking advantage of that in a way by continuing this knowing that he has a girlfriend. I'm so mad at him, it makes me sick to my stomach. He knows first hand what cheating does to people. He has seen me deal with it when his father cheated, he saw how hard it was on our family. I raised him to respect himself and to respect girls. He is doing neither.
Anyway, he felt really bad about it, and swears that he loves his girlfriend and doesn't want to keep talking to the other girl. He said he would just be honest and tell her that he loves his girlfriend and can't keep talking to her like that. It's been three days, and he still hasn't told her anything. Just kind of left her hanging. She keeps sending him messages on instagram, which I am now checking, and he just doesn't respond. I'm not sure if I should do anything else at this point. Should I tell the girl's mother that she is sending underwear pics to guys on instagram? Should I just let him handle it from here? Should he tell his girlfriend about it? He never met up with the girl or anything, it was just one phone call and a few days of instagram messages. Idk what to do from here, if anything. How would you handle it?
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 28, 2015 at 12:33 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Anonymous 10 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 4:06 PM
Totally agree

Quoting Anonymous 4: Until he is 18, it IS your business what he does. Too many parents these days don't care or are not involved. While I agree he has to learn lessons the hard way, it's not ok for this girl to send those pics. I would tell her she needs to stop. I don't think you're too involved at all and he knows there was an agreement I think you're doing a good job
by Melissa on Dec. 28, 2015 at 4:09 PM
Stay out of it. You've already said your peace. It's all on him now.
He is old enough to face consequences for his actions, whatever they may be.
by Anonymous 11 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 4:10 PM

This is none of your business and kind of creepy that you are so invested in this. We won't always like what our kids choose to do, by now he knows full well what he is doing. 

by Emerald Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 4:15 PM

What you are doing, is keeping him from discovering natural consequinces. Step out of it. You can give him your opinion, but it is his screw up to make.  

by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 4:24 PM
I have older kids as well. I think as our kids get older it is hard to watch them make their own mistakes. Personally I do not like my dd's boyfriend. He lies to her about little stuff all of the time and he is very manipulative. I can tell her what I think but it is her choice to be with him.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Well, the pics are gone. He deleted them before I ever saw them, I only know about it because he told me. She hasn't sent him any new ones since I got his password for instagram and started checking it. She just keeps asking why he won't talk to her now. It makes me so sad. I really feel like he disrespected both girls in this situation, and disrespected himself as well.

Quoting Anonymous 7: Yes you should monitor him. I will monitor all of my children until they are moved out of my house. As for the picture you should consult either the police department or a lawyer. Make sure that they can not be considered kiddy porn. If they can have your ds erase them and tell her to stop. If he is unwilling then it is time for you to step in and tell her to stop. If it still does not stop then talk to her parents. But make sure that you will not be at risk for her sending that to him.
by Silver Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 5:08 PM
1 mom liked this
You are not wrong at all. If he wants to sling it everywhere...that is fine but don't drag some girl along for the ride. Married or not, lying to women is not okay.

That's the problem with some men now. They don't respect women when they are single so they don't do it once they get married.

Stay on his ass Mom. Raising him to be a decent man and husband starts now.
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I liked your reply I must say

Quoting Anonymous 1: I do need a life, I'm raising three boys, and working 84 hours a week. I have no life whatsoever. I don't think some dick is going to solve my problems, it hasn't so far, but I do appreciate your input!

Quoting Daffanyrose: You need a fucking life and some dick to calm you down
by Anonymous 12 on Dec. 28, 2015 at 11:18 PM

Apple and the Tree!
by on Dec. 28, 2015 at 11:22 PM

I thought this was going to be about your adult son and his wife, not teenagers.

I think you're way too involved. He's a teenager and he hasn't made a serious commitment to this girl.

by Sapphire Member on Dec. 28, 2015 at 11:23 PM
The only part I'd get involved with is the photos. She can get into trouble and so can he. He needs to get rid of all pictures and demand she never send more.
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