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My husband wants a divorce because I don't want sex

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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My husband and I have had sex to completion once in 3 years. We have a 4yo daughter and that first year was a blur, I had a rough delivery and was exhausted. I started staying home after that and gained weight and just felt horribly unattractive and I can honestly admit just let myself go which didn't help. I was diagnosed with depression two years ago which I thought was killing my sex drive but every medicine and all my therapy I've been on hasn't brought it back at all.

I love my husband. He's my best friend, he's a good dad, he's a great provider, he's a fit and very handsome guy. But I just have no desire to have sex with him or anyone else, ever. When I try to just do it to please him I guess I don't fake it well enough and seem bored and grossed out because he loses his erection and says "you're clearly not into this..." And goes to bed mad.

Yesterday night our DD was with his mom. He started kissing me on the couch and after awhile I pulled away and got up to do the dishes. When I was done he said we needed to talk and he said he's so unhappy with the lack of sex and my lack of attraction to him he wants to separate. I'm so hurt and blindsided by this. Today he's been packing stuff up in our room and browsing apartment rentals. I've just been in bed crying.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:03 PM
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Um, I will say he sounds like a good guy for being patient this long. Have you guys tried counseling?

Have you thought of the underlying reasons you do not enjoy sex? Weight? Boredom? You mentioned depression. Have you ever had an orgasm? Before the issues, was it good for the two of you?

Everybody goes through a rut, and many times bedroom issues are a manifestation of relationship troubles. My heart goes out to you, this happened to dh and I for a week. I thought I was going to go crazy with frustration.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to see a Dr. Maybe your medication is causing you to feel this way. Maybe something can be adjusted. It may not be just the sex either. Living with someone with depression is not easy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:05 PM
25 moms liked this
You haven't slept with him in years....him wanting to leave is shocking how?
two4one
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:05 PM
2 moms liked this

Sorry,  I don't blame him.  You cannot possibly be blindsided. You do realize that normal couples have sex and men in general are sexual beings? You have made zero effort and he probably feels you are fine with a sexless marraige.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:07 PM
2 moms liked this
Get counseling. Both individual for you and marriage. Many psychiatric medications cause a decreased sex drive. See if your husband is willing to go exercise with you, for example, brisk walks. The excercise certainly won't hurt and may help with the depression and sex drive, also maybe help you feel closer to your husband, maybe help with intimacy.
shadow_lark
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:07 PM
5 moms liked this
Really? You've been withholding affection and turning him down for what sounds like any sort of intimacy for three years, and you want to act like its such a surprise that he doesn't want to be with you anymore? He's returning the message you've been giving him the last few years.
kajira
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't blame him at all. I love sex, and have a super high sex drive. If we didn't have sex for that long, I'd want to fix it somehow too... and it's pretty clear after all these years, it probably can't be fixed with you at this point.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:09 PM
I can't blame him, especially if you are a younger couple that are both healthy.

You need to take control of your sex life and your body to find out what is going on. It doesn't matter if it is physical or mental.

You don't really seem to care about his feelings if your first thought when he is being affectionate is that you need to do the dishes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:09 PM
I agree to see the doctor. Ask dh to wait and maybe you two can go to counseling. I know from experience it hurts when a spouse cuts the other off from intimacy. My ex did that because he said he no longer loved me. It was the worse of the whole thing, living with a dh who was now a roommate. It's been eight years and I still remember the pain. I'd rather be single. It's easier even if I don't have a lover. Talk to your dh, suggest counseling and see what your doctor says.
Keara20
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2016 at 12:09 PM
5 moms liked this
I don't blame him at all, you turning him down and just not wanting him probably makes him feel like complete shit. He's kissing you on the couch and you leave to do dishes??? How do you think that made him feel?? You've had time to fix this and you haven't.
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