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My kids live here. Get used to it Updated 3/11/16

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 82 Replies
3 moms liked this
I can't edit because that post is featured so I'm stuck doing a new post.

There has been a lot of back and forth since I originally posted, both with sd10 and between my df and Bm and df and I.

I don't want to type it all out in multiple replies since I haven't been around much for a couple days and there are a TON of replies.

For starters, my df spends a lot of one on one time with both his girls. That is never an issue. He always has. My kids and I don't tag along every time they want to do something. We have family time, we have one on one, we have couple time. It's always a balance and we make sure to keep it as balanced as we can.

K. The new stuff: df called sd10 last night and asked why she is so upset we are still here and explained that he and I are committed and plan to stay together for ever, that the kids and I are a permanent part of his life. That doesn't mean he loves her any less. It just means more people for everyone to love and be loved by.

Sd10's response was typical 10 yr old. She basically just said she doesn't know. Sometimes she likes having us around but this isn't our house, it's hers and her sisters and her daddy and mommy's house and we really shouldn't be living in her house like this. She would rather we move out and her dad and I live apart and just hang out sometimes. He explained that wasn't going to happen.

Bm did call him last night about sd10's emotional behavior lately and df suggested a real counselor and offered to pay for whatever insurance won't cover. Bm didn't really agree but she didn't shut the idea down either.


Df and I are seriously considering putting the house on the market sooner rather than waiting til Fall and maybe making househunting a family even this summer so we can all start fresh and every one feels like a part of choosing our new home together.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:03 AM
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donnag013
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:03 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like SD10 is still hoping her mom and dad get back together. Change can be traumatic for some kids. I think some counseling would be awesome

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:05 AM
It's certainly possible. Mom is remarried though and she has 2 stepbrothers from her stepdad...I don't think she is super fond of her stepdad or his boys either however.

Quoting donnag013:

It sounds like SD10 is still hoping her mom and dad get back together. Change can be traumatic for some kids. I think some counseling would be awesome

Roxygurl
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:08 AM
When my DH and I took over the house that his ex and the kids were living in his daughter took it hard. She got upset when I painted the master bedroom and called her mom crying. When she went to open a drawer and the silverware wasn't in it she broke down in tears.

We tried everything we could to help her, we told her she could change rooms, paint her room any color, she could pick out which bedroom furniture she wanted. Help us pick the paint for the den....nothing worked.

In the end due to her feelings towards the house, my feelings towards the house, the repairs needed because of the condition the house was left in, and because she was so far behind on the mortgage and HOA we decided it was best to move on.

It's probably better to make a fresh start in your situation as well, good luck op.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:10 AM
2 moms liked this
We wanted to sell when I first moved in with him but she got so upset we decided to wait. Now we are rethinking that choice. It just seems to be holding her back from moving on and I think ALL of the kids would be better off with a fresh start.

Quoting Roxygurl: When my DH and I took over the house that his ex and the kids were living in his daughter took it hard. She got upset when I painted the master bedroom and called her mom crying. When she went to open a drawer and the silverware wasn't in it she broke down in tears.

We tried everything we could to help her, we told her she could change rooms, paint her room any color, she could pick out which bedroom furniture she wanted. Help us pick the paint for the den....nothing worked.

In the end due to her feelings towards the house, my feelings towards the house, the repairs needed because of the condition the house was left in, and because she was so far behind on the mortgage and HOA we decided it was best to move on.

It's probably better to make a fresh start in your situation as well, good luck op.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:14 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:14 AM
Bump
Roxygurl
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:15 AM
That's what helped in our situation

She was really upset when she found out we weren't keeping the house and she cried and cried and cried but in the end I think it was the best choice. She likes her new room and doesn't mention that house anymore at all.


Quoting Anonymous 1: We wanted to sell when I first moved in with him but she got so upset we decided to wait. Now we are rethinking that choice. It just seems to be holding her back from moving on and I think ALL of the kids would be better off with a fresh start.

Quoting Roxygurl: When my DH and I took over the house that his ex and the kids were living in his daughter took it hard. She got upset when I painted the master bedroom and called her mom crying. When she went to open a drawer and the silverware wasn't in it she broke down in tears.

We tried everything we could to help her, we told her she could change rooms, paint her room any color, she could pick out which bedroom furniture she wanted. Help us pick the paint for the den....nothing worked.

In the end due to her feelings towards the house, my feelings towards the house, the repairs needed because of the condition the house was left in, and because she was so far behind on the mortgage and HOA we decided it was best to move on.

It's probably better to make a fresh start in your situation as well, good luck op.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I do see a meltdown in her future when we officially make the decision to sell but I do think it may help her let go and accept the changes in her life. I also think it might make things better for my kids too. They won't feel like they are in someone else's space any longer.

Quoting Roxygurl: That's what helped in our situation

She was really upset when she found out we weren't keeping the house and she cried and cried and cried but in the end I think it was the best choice. She likes her new room and doesn't mention that house anymore at all.


Quoting Anonymous 1: We wanted to sell when I first moved in with him but she got so upset we decided to wait. Now we are rethinking that choice. It just seems to be holding her back from moving on and I think ALL of the kids would be better off with a fresh start.

Quoting Roxygurl: When my DH and I took over the house that his ex and the kids were living in his daughter took it hard. She got upset when I painted the master bedroom and called her mom crying. When she went to open a drawer and the silverware wasn't in it she broke down in tears.

We tried everything we could to help her, we told her she could change rooms, paint her room any color, she could pick out which bedroom furniture she wanted. Help us pick the paint for the den....nothing worked.

In the end due to her feelings towards the house, my feelings towards the house, the repairs needed because of the condition the house was left in, and because she was so far behind on the mortgage and HOA we decided it was best to move on.

It's probably better to make a fresh start in your situation as well, good luck op.
monshine2
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 10:17 AM
Sounds like you're on the right track
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