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verge of a mental breakdown

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
I doubt I'm gonna make any sense but I'm just driving myself crazy here. I feel like I do EVERYTHING.

Parenting- that's on me. My son is 10 so sex talk, drug talk, girls, dating, why his penis is doing whatever- on me.

Helping with school work, reminding him he HAS to shower, HAS to put deodorant on, don't forget about your book report- on me.

The household stuff- bills, cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, on me.

Doing things for my dad- can't ask his other kid bc he won't do it. Don't get me wrong, the things are simple, he's helped financially in the past, I'm happy to help, but again, I'm driving myself crazy.

Things for my ex's mom, ds' grandma. I want them to have a relationship. But it means driving there, staying there, doing whatever she needs done there. Listening to her about her kids. I can't stand it anymore. She has her other grandkid, which she shouldn't bc that responsibility is on me half the time too.

Ds and his friends are always here. Which normally, it's fine. But they are loud, they are destructive, they don't listen, they complain (yes, I'm aware I'm doing a major complain here). Why can't ds go over there once in a while?

Wtf can't I get a break? Two or three times a year, I get like this. I have this mental breakdown where I feel like I'm going into hulk mode and there's NOTHING I can do to stop feeling like this. Come Sunday, I'll be fine. Things will be normal but fuck, I want a break from everything. I damn near broke down in tears yesterday bc of all this and ds says I need to take a break, that I need to be away from him bc he knows he causes me stress (he compared his friends moms single parenting of 5 yrs, saying he knows that's hard so my 10 years of single parenting without a break is really hard).

I just wanna bang my head against the wall bc secretly, I want a break, from him included. Just a night off. But that means leaving him home alone and I won't do that- plus I have no where to go so why bother? I don't have friends bc my time is cut between parenting, work, my dad, my son's grandma and her needs.. which is fine- until this hits once in a blue moon.

Bc I know the question will be asked- where's ds' father? That's another stress on me. He's in jail, or prison or whatever. Idk, I just know he hasn't died yet, but that's where he's heading. Prison doesn't phase him, he has no desire to get off heroin and there's no way I'm letting him around ds with him fucked up like that. He'd rip ds' necklace of his neck just to get his next fix.

I think I'm gonna clock out early. Do my dad's errands, and maybe have enough time to shower before ds and his friends get to my home. Maybe a shower will relax me. Fuck. What I really wanna do is smoke (nothing illegal), but I can't do that until tonight and I have issues doing that with ds' friends around. Woosah.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:41 PM
Have your husband do half of the work.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:44 PM
I'm not married. Lol do they have mail order grooms?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Have your husband do half of the work.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:46 PM
Well not having a husband is the problem. Where did he go? Did he run off?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm not married. Lol do they have mail order grooms?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Have your husband do half of the work.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:47 PM
I haven't even been on a date since ds was 2 and I think that was more of a pity date. We had sex (that's all I wanted lol) and I think he felt bad for 'using me' and asked me out on a date.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:51 PM
He started crack or meth when I was 5 months along. Told him to clean up his act or I was gone. At this point, he's still on heroin, not sure what else. I get updates through his mom when she's stressing about his latest contact with her (trying to get money out of her). I've asked her to stop, I don't wanna hear about him, but she eventually gets back on that topic.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Well not having a husband is the problem. Where did he go? Did he run off?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm not married. Lol do they have mail order grooms?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Have your husband do half of the work.
OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on Mar. 11, 2016 at 1:52 PM

You need to pull back from so many responsibilities or organize them in such a way that your life isn't chaotic with them. Have an allocated day to help your dad, your ex's family (kudos on you for that one), and SPECIFICALLY....a day of REST. No friends over. No Family. Frankly, I'd be the opposite and give only one or two days of the week to allow his friends over. Or he can start hanging out over there. Their choice. :)

Your son is old enough to have more responsibility for himself and the home he lives in. I urge you to start demanding more independency and self sufficiency in your son. He needs to be able to do these things without being told in the long run...That's how adulting works. He can also contribute to the household by helping you out with the trash, dishes, and becoming a self-contained human who cleans up his messes as he goes and doesn't make additional work for everyone. 

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