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Update Sorry, no I'm not going to pick them up

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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This is my exs weekend with our kids, twin 7 year olds. (We also have 3 grown kids). Because it's spring break he gets them till Wednesday at 3 p.m. Then I get them for the rest of spring break. On his weekend, the kids ride the bus home to his house.

My husband and I decided to take a quick vacation just the two of us since the kids would be at their dads. I got a call shortly after I would expect the kids to arrive at their dad's house. He asked why I had sent them. I reminded him that it's his part of spring break. Plus even if it wasn't his part of spring break it's his weekend. He said that he sent me a text saying that he couldn't take them this weekend because his wife's mother is in the hospital and is likely to pass away. I said that he had not sent me any text message. He looked at his text messages and realized that he typed out the message but never hit send. He said that I would have to come pick them up because he couldn't keep them. I told him that unfortunately we are already on our trip. He said that's too bad but I need to come get them because he can't take his time. I said it doesn't work that way it's his time he needs to tend to them. He started complaining that he needs to be there for his wife but that because his wife's mother is in the ICU the kids can't come to the hospital. There's not even a waiting room that they can sit in on the ICU floor. The only people who will be there are close family members so he doesn't want to ask family members to watch the kids in the hospital when he and his wife go sit with her mother. Again I told him sorry but he's going to have to figure it out. We left right after dropping the kids off at school so we were hours away. Also, we have three grown kids who would be able to be called upon to help out except for he has alienated them from himself so they won't even pick up the phone if he calls.

Right no w my dh is out with his brothers. I was supposed to go out with my sister-in-law but she not feeling well so I'm just relaxing in the hotel room. We have plans tomorrow with dhs parents but after that, we will be coming home early (by sat night). Even though we had plans to stay till Tuesday which included a dinner at a really nice restaurant for the two of us. I told my ex that we will be back by tomorrow night and he actually got mad. He demanded that I come right now because they need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I told him he's lucky I'm willing to come home early at all because I don't have to.

Update

So I went to go get my kids. I was there by about 5:30 yesterday evening. I didn't really do this for my ex but I did it for my kids (to address those who said they wouldn't get them early). Staying one night over there with all this going on was fine but I wouldn't want don't have to deal with just sitting around the house with their agitated father half of their spring break. Plus my husband and I decided that we would take them to Disney World with my parents and younger sister. When I got there I wasn't even out of my car yet and he comes storming out of the house screaming that he hopes I'm happy that his mother-in-law died that mirning and his wife didn't have him there because I was so selfish. I reminded him that I was there 4 days early. The kids were happy to see me and even happier when I told them that we are going to Disney. My ex said "wait how long are you going to be there?" I said "we'll be there till Wednesday or Thursday." He said "I might want them back before then." I said "absolutely not, if you ask me to pick them up early your visit is over." He tried to tell me that because it's his time he has every right to pick them up anytime he wants through Wednesday evening so I better not leave town with the kids. I laughed at him and told him to get over himself. One minute he wants me to pick him up early and now he wants them available? He said thought you might want to take them to the funeral. I said if she just died this morning they are not going to have the funeral before Wednesday evening more than likely. He said "fine I'll let you know when the funeral is." I often why and he said so he could pick up the kids for the funeral if his wife wanted them there. I know I said his visit is over gets no more time. My kids hardly knew this woman so there's really no reason for them to go to her funeral.

So all in all he was mad that I would not pick them up the second he told me to and now he's mad that I won't make them available to him whenever he says.

So to answer some frequently asked questions because I'm sick of responding to them individually

My older kids were aware of what was going on. After the way my ex has alienated himself from the older kids they refused to have anything to do with him and certainly would not be doing him any favors. Yes if the kids were in trouble they would be there in a second, but they werent, They were safe at their dad's house.

Yes I do understand that being a parent means that your plans fall through. However this was my ex's parenting time not mine. While I'm always their mother during his time they're his responsibility. Just like during his time I can't call them up and ground them from to or anything like that it's not my responsibility (obviously baring an emergency with the kids) to drop everything and take care of. If this was a situation where it was what was best for the kids I would have gone and gotten them immediately. But they were perfectly fine with their dad. Now I did go get them early because I didn't want their spring break spoiled by having to spend half of it laying around his house doing nothing. But one day did not hurt him.

And to answer the question, no. If this was the other way around I would not expect him to come running back to take the kids. I would probably offer him the extra time before I asked somebody else to take them because I would appreciate him doing the same for me but I would not demand he come get them. However I have not alienated my older children and other family members, which is why in the event of a crisis, I have people who I can turn to.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:19 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:22 PM
Bump
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:22 PM
How far away are you?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:24 PM
Your poor kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:24 PM
It would take me close to 4 hours to get there if I left right now. That would put it at about 10:30. And by that point my kids would be in bed anyway.

Quoting EntrepeneurMom: How far away are you?
holyhellokitty
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:25 PM
You're nice.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:26 PM
5 moms liked this
Now people are going to want to know exactly how far away you are because unless you're in Tokyo, they'll say you should turn around and go back. Expect the, "I'd go back, but that's just me because I'm not selfish and I have compassion". Lmfao
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:27 PM
Actually I think I am nice to not force my husband miss out on time with his brothers and his parents to accommodate my ex. If this was for the good of my kids we would absolutely do that. But my ex can stay home and tend to our kids and go meet his wife at the hospital when I come get them tomorrow

Quoting holyhellokitty: You're nice.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

So you're both shit parents.  Hopefully you're both done reproducing.  You didn't need to tag along with your husband so he can go screw around with his brothers. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 6:28 PM
We are roughly 4 hours away. For those who say that it selfish to not go back how selfish is it to wake my kids up at ten-thirty eleven o'clock at night? How selfish is it to expect me to drive back in the middle of the night with our kids or to expect my husband to leave his brothers and cancel our plans with parents to accommodate my ex?

Quoting Anonymous 2: Now people are going to want to know exactly how far away you are because unless you're in Tokyo, they'll say you should turn around and go back. Expect the, "I'd go back, but that's just me because I'm not selfish and I have compassion". Lmfao
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