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Would you let your child fail?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 76 Replies
I have a 13 yr old son (with a November birthday so he is one of the oldest in his class). He is in seventh grade and he is on the border of failing his classes. This is a pattern for him. Every year he starts out okay and then completely bombs second and third quarters and then we have a meeting with teachers and we come up with a plan to scrape and pull him through on the skin of his teeth to move on to the next grade. This year he is in junior high. He has had to take more responsibility yet here we are in the same place we always are and this year I have lost all desire to pull him through. He needs to learn that I cannot and will not be there to save him when the fault is his own.

He's a smart kid. When he does the work he gets decent grades. He has a lot of social issues. He gets picked on a lot because he has red hair and is a little overweight (not obese by any stretch). He has an IEP but it hasn't seemed to help. He's just not motivated. We have tried incentives (privileges, rewards). We have tried punishments (loss of privileges). But nothing makes a lasting input on his grades. He is in counseling every other week which has helped a little behavior wise, esp in dealing with bullies, but not academically.

So what would you do? Would you let him continue and fail? Or step in to put an enormous amount of energy and time into scraping him by again?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:43 PM
4 moms liked this
I'd ride his ass consistently all year so he wouldn't be failing in the first place.
peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:43 PM
You can't help him scrape by each year, he is learning that you will always bail him out
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:46 PM
Because I'm sure you're just supermom. There is only so much parents can do at the junior high level. I check his homework every night and I help him keep track of his tests and study for them. But if he half asses his work at school there's not much I can do beyond punishments that have no effect on him.

Quoting Danesmommy1: I'd ride his ass consistently all year so he wouldn't be failing in the first place.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:47 PM
I'd have his dad deal with it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:49 PM
We are in it together

Quoting Anonymous 2: I'd have his dad dral with it.
PartyOfGirls
by Gold Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I let my kids fail whe they need too, you won't be around forever will you?

You are teaching him nothing except that you bail him out in the end of it, its time at his age to be in charge of himself in certain areas, and this is it!

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this
No, not a super mom, but doing poorly in school, because you aren't trying, isn't an option.

I don't see how he could be failing if you are doing those things.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Because I'm sure you're just supermom. There is only so much parents can do at the junior high level. I check his homework every night and I help him keep track of his tests and study for them. But if he half asses his work at school there's not much I can do beyond punishments that have no effect on him.

Quoting Danesmommy1: I'd ride his ass consistently all year so he wouldn't be failing in the first place.
bleumonster
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:51 PM
If I had tried everything to make him do it and it was just laziness, yes I would let him fail. He is getting used to everyone riding to his rescue so he thinks he can just slough off. I would sit him down and tell him I wasn't riding to his rescue this time. He needs to figure out how to pull it up or he will be doing summer school. I used this tack on my dd in 7th and guess what? She was able to pull her grades up and even passed math lol.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:51 PM

I would let him fail.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 7:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I did this a lot on school. My DS does it too. :( both of us are/were of the mind set "I know this, why do I have to do this?" Maybe he isn't being chalenged enough? Or maybe the classes are not at a fast enough pace for him?
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