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I don't know how to go about fixing me

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
I'm 26 and I've never had a relationship with a man. I've gone on a grand total of 4 dates, each with a different man, and they sucked. The men were decent, good guys, but I just couldn't relax.

I grew up with only negative examples of relationships. My mother went through three men while I was growing up, each was a horrible human being. One was an alcoholic who spent most of his time just passed out, and fighting with my mother when he was awake, and the other two were just mean and abusive. I promised myself I wouldn't repeat the cycle and so I never tried.

I have my children because of another horrible relationship, they're biologically my half sister's kids, when she and her husband ended up dead, I got the kids. I've spent the last few years focused on them.

I want to get past this, but I don't even know where to try. I don't trust men. I can't relax around them. It's not something that's obvious, I have no problem working with men, but anything of a personal nature and I can't handle it. Do I need a psychiatrist, a therapist? Do I talk to my family doctor? Should I even bother? Are there any decent men, or should I just stick to me and the kids and call it a day?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Buy a giant vibrator.

You're welcome.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:55 PM
Just gotta find the right guy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:56 PM
I've got a few. That's not what I asked.

Quoting corticosteroid:

Buy a giant vibrator.

You're welcome.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:56 PM
That's nice, but trite and really doesn't help me with the underlying issue.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Just gotta find the right guy.
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:57 PM

You don't need fixing.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I've got a few. That's not what I asked.
Quoting corticosteroid:

Buy a giant vibrator.

You're welcome.


Flurffy
by Silver Member on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:58 PM
Definitely try some sort of therapy.

There certainly are good guys out there, but you'll never find them if you're looking with a "bad guy" filter all the time.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 11, 2016 at 11:59 PM
Therapy. And getting out loving life. Explore the world around you. Meditate. Do yoga. Pray. Run. Do it all and figure out what you like. Then find like minded people. Eventually, you meet people. Men, women, whoever.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2016 at 12:00 AM
When the right guy comes along, you'll feel comfortable. I couldn't stand being on dates. I clamed up, felt awkward. Now with dh we hit it straight off. I felt comfortable right away and we talked from 9 pm till almost 5am because it was ok and comfortable. I never felt off or awkward. I wasn't being short with you, but when you meet him, you'll know.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's nice, but trite and really doesn't help me with the underlying issue.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Just gotta find the right guy.
Willow_Phoenix
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2016 at 12:16 AM

counseling. get into counseling and get past the trauma of your childhood so you can be open about love and can see the pattern to break it. Yes there are decent men. Psychologist would be a good start and EMDR might not be a bad therapy type for you.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2016 at 12:19 AM
Go to therapy and make time for yourself.

I'm kinda sad your mom only went through 3 men and you have such bad memories. My step kids have lived with 3 men in their mom's house and at least 5 coming around in the last 6 years. Sad.
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