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Just need to vent. I'm so hurt :-(

Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
Long story...I'm sorry.

My mom and I have never been close. But, I'm ready to just stop having anything to do with her which is hard because I have kids and don't want to hurt them but I can't take it anymore. I can never do anything right, I bust my butt and it's never good enough for her. My brother has always been her favorite as are his kids take second place to them. I call to tell her good news about one of the kids she has to tell me EVERYTHING my nephews have done. When I got divorced it was my fault (even though he cheated and left me for the other woman), when I got left with all the debt it was my fault(which I worked hard to try and pay off most of it). I have worked my way up in the company I have been with for 14 years (I am highly respected and have been given wonderful opportunities because of it) yet according to my mom he's more successful (he works for a pest control company). My kids play sports and she rarely comes to their games yet goes to everyone of my nephews, when I was out of town for work she came to my house and tried to take over then got hurt when my dh kicked her out.....anytime she needs help she calls me because my brother and his family are too busy. Sil works part time and they only have 2 kids dh and I have 5 between us (my 3 and his 2) we both work full time I also work a part time job occasionally to help pay for sports etc.

Sorry if I sound like I'm whining.....I don't mean to......I am just so hurt....

The latest was last night...dh and I don't go out often because we are busy with work and kids etc. Plus, we would rather do things as a family. Last night we went to a concert at a local casino. My mom took the kids swimming while we were there. Once we were done we found them in the arcade and my oldest said he would bring them home. Dh and I went home (originally we were gonna play for a bit but, did that before the concert and I just wanted to go home) my mom asked the kids where we went. One of the kids said that maybe we went to the casino. She said "wow they can't pay their bills but they have money to gamble"
First: our bills are paid
Second:we spent $20 each (which we saved up to do)
Thirdly: I have had financial problems in the past (mostly because of the debt I was left with after my divorce from my ex. It took me 10 years to pay it off....all $60,000 of it)

If you read this far....thank you for letting me vent....I don't really have anyone to talk to...dh tells me to let it go.....can't do it heart hurts because I wish she could be proud of us...

Oh yeah not long ago a woman who lived out by my mom came into where I work. I mentioned that she lived by my parents. When I told her who she stared she didn't know they had a daughter and asked if I have kids and I said I did...she didn't know that they had other grandkids...just my nephews. :-(
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Emerald Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:55 PM
I don't know how to be more clear about this, it is highly inappropriate for your mom to bash you to your kids. Stop leaving them with her and giving her the opportunity to do it.
by Emerald Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 12:57 PM
My MIL is similar to your mom and a few years ago my husband (after 33 yrs of life) realized he will never make her proud and stopped time. It was an amazing realization for him and had helped him immensely.
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:00 PM
She's not worth the aggravation you put yourself through hoping if you keep dealing with her she'll suddenly change. In your second or third sentence you say not putting up with her is somehow going to hurt your kids. But a good chunk of your post is about how she doesn't seem to care much about them and what they do anyway. She's badmouths you in front of them. She doesn't sound like someone you should be trying so hard to get the approval of.
by Diamond Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:01 PM
Just stop. I was very close with my mom. If she had said or done things like this, I would be so hurt too. Just stop communication with her. She had no right saying anything like that in front of your children, period.
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:02 PM

I feel your pain.I'm the youngest of 3 i have 2 kids witch are the youngest of the 5 grandchildren. my mom is all for the oldest sister and her child.I've always told my mom shes welcome to see the kids but doesn't. There just comes a point of in your life that you have to say F IT and do what is best for you. If you ever need to talk im here.

by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:02 PM
Yeah just tell her your done with her bullshit what she does is wrong and your not dealing with it then move on. Some parents are not that great
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:04 PM
I am very sorry. I would at least not let her watch the kids. It is really inappropriate to say bad things to your kids.
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:11 PM
You will never be happy if you're constantly looking for her approval. Let it go. Yes it sucks, it hurts, especially about the whole favoritism toward your nephews. Focus on your family. Start weaning you and you kids away from her.
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:11 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's really hard to distance one's self from a toxic relationship, especially when it's a parent. The moment you stop trying to live up to her expectations - which it sounds like you could never fulfill because she has issues - you will feel so much better. 

YOU need to set boundaries. You have to break that abuse cycle. She should not be bashing you to your kids at all, that is incredibly wrong. Don't let her be alone with your kids; if it was me, I would put some solid distance there for a while and then if the kids need to see her, you are there and it's for a set amount of time, like no more than an hour and you're out with the kids in tow. 

by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2016 at 1:13 PM
I am so sorry to hear that your mother's issues have power over you, that is sad and unnecessary. Please see a mental health practitioner if you need help dealing with this in a healthy manner. You have every right to be accepted and valued as you are, there should be no competition nor do you need to slight your brother because you are hurt by what is happening. You and your brother may each chose the path on which you each want to travel and whatever that is should not hurt the other.
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