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Feeling pretty low right now . I think I need a divorce

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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I think I've been in an abusive relationship for way to long and I didn't even know it . I had a feeling but I just couldn't be sure . When I think back on it all and say the things that happened out loud, I know it was definitely abusive but then it got better ... Kind of . When he started to control his anger better and not put his hands on me ( he never hit , just grabbed , shoved and threw things) it seemed then he'd make sarcastic jokes which was hard to tell if he was just playing or being an ass. Then There was the emotional neglect. I don't think he realizes any of it . I honestly don't . I know he loves us and he does things that show he cares to which makes it so confusing . You know I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of the doubt between us , the lack of intimacy , his refusal to seek counseling . I went by myself . I'm tired of everytime I try to tell him that something he did is hurtful or upsetting to me that suddenly I am the bad guy. He says I am the one holding grudges and making him look like some evil manipulator. Those are his words. I finally realize no matter who is right or wrong that this relationship is unhealthy . I'm physically exhausted and depressed. I hAve lost motivation to get the simplest things done . I've tried to make my marriage work . I Went to marriage counseling alone but I am so emotionally raw that I can't even respond to him in appropriate ways so that good communication can occur . Well I can but approaching him is like walking on eggshells in order to not have his defenses shoot so sky high thAt he can't see I'm just hurt by him . And sometimes I do lose it and yell because he just burns me up with his attitude towards me . I have tried being nice . All that gets me is for him to not realize he's being an ass. I don't feel I've fully succeeded in communicating well because even though counseling has given me the tools to do so, his responses to me trigger me and set me off , making it hard to remember the tools of communication the counselor gave me. At this point I feel like I need to get emotionally healthy first . Not just for my sake but my kids sake. I just need to leave and I can't shake this sadness right now. Just needed to vent . Hopefully I haven't been to much of a Debbie downer lol
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2016 at 9:11 PM
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