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Are you more independent than spouse?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
Anyone a very independent person who is married to a person who doesn't like to do anything separately?

W is a 42 yr old woman married for 4 yrs to M, a 44 yr old man. They were both single many years before marrying. Each has teenage/adult children separately. W loved being single, her home, traveling or being home alone (or with kids). M hated being single, didn't make his house 'home' because he wanted to move on with someone. Now married, he feels hurt when she mentions ever going anywhere without him, she feels bad doing it but needs a way to have a place that is her 'space'. She mentioned she is never even in her own house alone anymore. -she works more hrs a week.
She came to me for advice and I just don't know, you have to know him, he's so nice to her it's like kicking your puppy! Lol
She wanted me to put it out there to cafemom land -yes, I warned her.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:57 PM
I am very independent & I do love my alone time.

I would probably tell him to suck it up.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 3:57 PM
I am very independent, I don't need noone for anything. I prefer to go places alone.
Dh wants me to always go places with him. He about throws a hissy fit if I try to stay in the car while he runs into the store for something little.

I haven't had my home to myself in yrs. I don't even get a space of my own anymore😢. Sometimes I think I would have been better off staying single
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:00 PM
That's sad!

Quoting Anonymous 3: I am very independent, I don't need noone for anything. I prefer to go places alone.
Dh wants me to always go places with him. He about throws a hissy fit if I try to stay in the car while he runs into the store for something little.

I haven't had my home to myself in yrs. I don't even get a space of my own anymore😢. Sometimes I think I would have been better off staying single
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:02 PM

i think a balance of both is healthy. maybe they can meet halfway? my DH always has to be with me or a friend or family member. hes not one to be alone, im the opposite, i love my alone time, watching tv, chatting on the phone, or just running to the stores. Going out with the girls or my mom. etc.

with that being said i try to balance it so i have my space and my dh doesnt get all pissy cause hes alone!

valarie1979
by Already on it on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:03 PM
Sounds like he's codependent, sounds like she married so she will have someone there when she wants it. I say, she needs to compromise w him and find an equal balance for both of them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:04 PM

I guess I am a good mix. I enjoy my independence, I do like doing some things alone, having hobbies and my career, but I love doing things with my boyfriend, events, holidays, etc and prefer to not go alone. When me and my boyfriend move in together and buy a house I will have a room for all my hobby/crafty stuff, my drawing table, sewing machine etc. He will probably sort of have a "man cave" in one room. Do you mean this husband literally goes everywhere with her? Like shopping and everything? Since they have teen/adult kids and don't have to do a lot of watching or anything of them, I can see his side, but also think maybe he need some hobbies. Maybe they need to create their own seperate hobby type rooms or something. Maybe he needs a pet lol. I spend time with my pets when I have them (plus the kids), my boyfriend and I both enjoy gaming but different types usually so we basicaly have our own things going on which I think is great. He is probably even more independent with me because if I have to drive a long distance or go somewhere I've never been, I'd love him to come with me. He's very busy and so am I so he can't always, but I do love it when he can.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 4:05 PM
It is but isn't. It's just the way I am. I like to go places by myself because I can go at my own pace. I like living alone because everything is the way I like it. I love Dh, but sometimes I just need to be alone

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's sad!

Quoting Anonymous 3: I am very independent, I don't need noone for anything. I prefer to go places alone.
Dh wants me to always go places with him. He about throws a hissy fit if I try to stay in the car while he runs into the store for something little.

I haven't had my home to myself in yrs. I don't even get a space of my own anymore😢. Sometimes I think I would have been better off staying single
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 8:10 PM
I'm very independent whereas hubby is still learning.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 8:15 PM
I'm independent. I like to go as I please. Every guy I dated wanted a relationship and they would quickly escalated to more than such.

My ex- I told him it will be six months before you remarry. He was moved in by two weeks and married at 5.5 months. He was not capable of being alone. But it's self preservation for most guys. Otherwise they would have to take care of themselves. ;)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 22, 2016 at 8:20 PM

Nope, I'm the clingy one in the relationship.

I give DH his space and I'm fine with him doing his own thing, but it took us awhile of finding a good balance. And there are phases when it works better than others.

I will say it is hard right now that I'm working from home and DH is working longer hours than me. But I'm doing my best to keep the crazy down and he's doing his best at informing me of his plans. I'm much happier with information. And he bluntly tells me when he needs space. I'm fine with that.

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