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Pregnant and scared :(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
I don't know where to turn right now.

My husband and I have an 8 year old and have had a few miscarriages and a stillborn baby the last few years trying to grow our family. It's been an insane emotional roller coaster. We put babies on the back burner this last year and put effort into ourselves for a while. We really got in good shape, healthy living became a priority and the three of us together were really happy.

Well I am now 9 weeks pregnant and everything seems to be going well. I was so excited at the beginning but now I cant get the thoughts of something going wrong out of my head. The more I think about a miscarriage the more ok I am with that happening. I feel like a cruel monster to even think this way. I feel like I was just carried away with trying to have a baby that I didn't think about the family we are now. I know that if I have this baby I will love it. I don't know if this comes from being scared, or if I'm just an asshole.

I feel on the verge of crying all the time.
Help?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:26 PM
Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to feel however you are feeling... Just relax and let whatever will happen, happen. It will all work out as it should.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:30 PM
Thanks ... Trying hard but I also wonder if I should seek out help or if I'm ok....

Quoting Anonymous 2: Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to feel however you are feeling... Just relax and let whatever will happen, happen. It will all work out as it should.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

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Baby's timing is perfect! The more we want something, the more we experience the 'wanting' as soon as we let it go, it comes to us!
Your not cruel, some of these thoughts are coping mechanisms to protect your heart. You now recognize every baby is a miracle, not a given. Imo, these thoughts are not uncommon though I do think they are harmful to you. Try finding and replacing each negative thought with a positive thought. Also look at babies online, growth through gestation, and YouTube for funnies lol, this should help replace those thoughts and fears. Try get find a place of gratitude and acceptance for whatever occurs in the outcome is important but not as important as this very moment you and baby share together.
Big hugs to you, live in the moment, don't miss what is napping now by worrying the future or reliving the past.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:35 PM
It never hurts to talk to a doctor... I would try not to take meds unless it's you really feel that it's necessary but maybe your doc can refer to someone you can talk to.

If you feel like you need that, then you probably do.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thanks ... Trying hard but I also wonder if I should seek out help or if I'm ok....

Quoting Anonymous 2: Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to feel however you are feeling... Just relax and let whatever will happen, happen. It will all work out as it should.
valarie1979
by Already on it on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:35 PM
I think you're ok w a miscarriage because a stillbirth was probley the most devastating to you. The odds it happening again are low. Relax hun.
theboyfactory
by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:37 PM
I think you are just trying to protect your emotions from another loss.
imstilljenny
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:40 PM
I had 4 miscarriages back to back. I never enjoyed my first (real) pregnancy bc I was so afraid I was losing him. In fact I really pretended like I wasn't. The next thing I knew it was Christmas Eve and I felt him move. It was the first time I felt myself acknowledge I was carrying. I ended up having him in May, and 16 months later we had a baby girl. I sometimes regret not enjoying my pregnancy. Even if I had lost him, he's precious. BUT I completely understand your feelings. You are not an asshole. You are protecting your heart.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:49 PM
I don't know if any of you can really understand how thankful I am for your responses. I only wrote as anonymous because I thought I would get torn apart. The support, even from strangers is pretty comforting. My husband knows that I am afraid, I've even been to the hospital just to make sure things were OK. I know that I really do want what's best for this baby but it still so hard to be positive with our past.
Sending out a big hug to everyone thank you so much.
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