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Keep trying or end it?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
This is my first post here I'm pretty much desperate for advice. I don't know if I'm being overly emotional or if other women would feel the same and not want to put up with this anymore. I've been trying to make our relationship work for the kids and because I'm still holding on to when times were good but I feel so done. How would you feel? What would you do?
My husband and I have been struggling since I got pregnant 2 years ago. He started drinking a lot ore often and smoking weed more often. The drinking has always been an issue because he has no self control and ends up drunk everytime and not acting like himself. The smoking weed wasn't an issue before. He claimed he was going to stop both things before she was born but didn't. He took a week off after she was born and spent almost the whole time in front of the tv with a bong In his hand. I was really hurt by that. Then he started a new shift at his job working 3-11pm and would go out to his work friends house every single night drinking. They were all single guys no responsibilities. I was home waiting for him everynight. Our baby was colicky so she would just be crying and I'm sad that he wasn't there with me taking care of her together. After months I told him he's losing me and our marriage is failing. Things got better because he started working 9-5. But he never actually tried to make things better or acknowledge that he hurt me and our marriage. Since then we've had multiple fights with him bring drunk and violent. I even called the police once because he tried to throw me down the stairs and was trying to leave with the baby. When things are good they Are so good and before this we were such. Happy couple. He wanted a baby and then checked out when I got pregnant. I don't get it and don't know if I should keep trying?
Thanks if you read this I had nowhere else to talk about it.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:30 AM
Honestly, I've spent 17 years this way. It hasn't gotten better. Run!
allworkallplay
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:31 AM
Sorry, Momma...you know what you need to do. As for me? I would not stay married to an abuser and I certainly would not subject my child to it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:33 AM
Its time to move on. Better to do it sooner rather than later. He shows no sign of changing.
mattiehatter
by Mary on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd be out. Addiction and abuse are deal-breaker's for me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

A drinker will never stop until THEY want to. You have to choose whether you can deal with that life or not.  I say move on before you can't. You and your child deserve a happy life with someone who deserves you. Hugs.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:37 AM

Before I read the part where he tried to push you down the stairs and steal your baby, I would have said keep trying. But that's too much. I think you should get away, first and foremost. Just pack some bags while he's at work, and leave. Go to a hotel if you can afford it, or stay with a family member or friend. When you're safely away from him, if you decide you want to give him a chance to change,email him a letter telling him if he doesn't get help, divorce is imminent. But it needs to be a serious move, such as counseling, therapy or rehab. DO NOT move back in with him until he's been in therapy for a few weeks (or more) and has made changes.

WillowTreesMom
by Twilight Sparkle on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:39 AM
I would leave.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:42 AM
Get out. He could hurt or kill you or your kid. Do you have a daughter? My aunt-in-law was raped by her alcoholic father.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:46 AM

Leave. I waited for someone to change too and ended up abused and he blamed me for the way he was. I left him. A year later he beat his next girlfriend horribly bad and held her at knifepoint. Clearly I wasnt the problem, it was the drugs and alcohol and him just being a down right shitty person.

I would do anything to take the horrible memories away from my daughter who was 2 at the time she witnessed the abuse. Dont let your baby girl grow up having memories like that. Leaving can seem so hard but it really isnt. There's programs that will put you in your own place overnight with a full fridge if you need it. Talk to social services if you need something like that other wise move in with family while he's away.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:48 AM
I will give you my favorite phrase

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

He's shown you he's a violent alcoholic with no intention of being a stable engaged father. Why are you expecting anything different? Wishing him different is a waste of your time. He doesn't care. Value your life and that of your child.
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