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I just had a parenting "Aha" moment! Long!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 42 Replies
I have two beautiful, smart little girls. They are 3 and 5. Lately though, they've been hellions. Fighting, screaming, running, throwing things, jumping on the furniture, etc. I've been at my wits end just trying to control them. Empty threats, yelling, spanking, etc.

They share a bedroom with every toy, book, princess crap, baby stuff, a kitchen, basically everything a girl could want. My aunt recently gave them a mint condition Playskool dollhouse that she'd used for her girls 15 years ago. This thing is sweet. It has beds, linens, Christmas decorations, a fridge, table and chairs, couches, a TV, dressers, just everything in it. It's beautiful. My kids have it one week and break a piece on the roof trying to use it as a step stool somewhere else. They won't listen, they've been rude to me and to their dad.

So, tonight I'm sitting in the middle of the mother of all messes that their room had become (When I cleaned it perfectly and vacuumed it literally two days ago) begging them to help me while they're ignoring me and saying no and giggling and running away. I just snapped inside.

I calmly told the oldest to get me a box from the laundry room. I calmly start packing everything from that dollhouse into it. They both stopped in their tracks. The five year old was like "What are you doing?" I said calmly, "You girls are obviously not old enough for this yet." She cried and called me a mean mommy. I said firmly but still calm, "I am done. I am taking this stuff until you two can learn to respect us and your things. You are going to clean this room every night. You are going to stop being disrespectful and not listening to us. You will start doing as your told and if you don't, you will lose your bedtime movies, For Real. (Their very favorite thing). I am done being treated like this. I am your mother and you WILL listen to me." My 5 year old knew that I wasn't bluffing or messing around this time. She started helping me clean up. My 3 year old kept dancing around and giggling. I told her one time that if she didn't help us, she wouldn't get the coveted bedtime movie. She never did. I didn't say anything else or nag her.

Imagine her shock when she was, in fact, sent to bed without it. She cried and said "I'll help, I'll help!" I said "I'm sorry, it's too late. Next time mommy asks you to do something, you need to listen." She finally fell asleep.

Omg. I didn't know how out of control I've felt lately, pleading and bartering with them! It's like it finally clicked again, I'm in charge and running this house. It feels good.

Where do I go from here? I mean tomorrow when the shenanigans start again? I can only take away the movie once you know? And theyre going to be bad all day. Lol what are some creative ways of discipline? Time out is a joke to them. I get that that's my fault, but I just need some perpective on the situation. Thanks!
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:39 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:43 PM
1 mom liked this
STOP WITH THE EMPTY THREATS, first and foremost. If you're going to threaten something, freaking follow through, or they will walk ALL OVER YOU, like they clearly have been.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:45 PM
2 of my kids watched me and my oldest have snow cones today because they wouldn't behave in the store. I'm always looking for a reward that can be taken away.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:46 PM
Start teaching them how to keep their room cleaned before it gets messed up. Teach them to play with only so many toys and if they want more they have to clean up what they were playing with first. A good book is Keep Your Sanity Teach Them to Clean.
olivejuice2
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:48 PM
Make their punishments fit the crime. If they refuse to help clean up, they lose the toys that aren't put away. If they don't take care of their things and stuff gets broken they either live with broken stuff or they live without it after you throw it away. If they refuse to dress appropriately to go out, they either live with being too cold/barefoot/whatever or they dont go (use your judgement). If they behave disrespectfully, they don't get to be around you/do fun things (when my 3yo dd is being a pill she's sent to her room until she can be pleasant. She HATES being sent away).

Never make empty threats. Repeat yourself once or twice, then follow through. Stay calm, just follow through.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:52 PM
I know! It's so dumb, and I'm not a dumb person. I think it clicked. I've just been so soft on them because I didn't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel left out of something. But it's not good for anyone. They are just becoming brats. No way do I want that.

Quoting Anonymous 2: STOP WITH THE EMPTY THREATS, first and foremost. If you're going to threaten something, freaking follow through, or they will walk ALL OVER YOU, like they clearly have been.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:55 PM
See, that's where I usually falter. I feel like it's just too mean. But I really don't because when other moms say things like that, I'm like "You go girl!" Lol so I guess I was guilty of having "snowflakes" Yuck. Not anymore. They have to get better which means I have to get tougher!

Quoting Anonymous 3: 2 of my kids watched me and my oldest have snow cones today because they wouldn't behave in the store. I'm always looking for a reward that can be taken away.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:58 PM
Thank you, I will check it out! I have tried that but I always give in to the whining. Ugh, I know.

I do have it set up so that a lot of things are put away. I'm sticking to it now! No more out until this is cleaned up!

Quoting Anonymous 4: Start teaching them how to keep their room cleaned before it gets messed up. Teach them to play with only so many toys and if they want more they have to clean up what they were playing with first. A good book is Keep Your Sanity Teach Them to Clean.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 8, 2016 at 11:58 PM
Oh I felt like the biggest asshole ever. But I just gave them too many chances and they messed them all up. Then my son told me how much he didn't like me and he wasn't going to come in the house or anything. Lol. Now he wants to lay right next to me.

Quoting Anonymous 1: See, that's where I usually falter. I feel like it's just too mean. But I really don't because when other moms say things like that, I'm like "You go girl!" Lol so I guess I was guilty of having "snowflakes" Yuck. Not anymore. They have to get better which means I have to get tougher!

Quoting Anonymous 3: 2 of my kids watched me and my oldest have snow cones today because they wouldn't behave in the store. I'm always looking for a reward that can be taken away.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2016 at 12:01 AM
All great ideas! Thank you! My 3 year old is addicted to me. Her thing when she's in trouble and crying and I'm mad she says "I just want a kiss and hug!" Like how can I be mad at that? But I know she's playing me. So I might try that-sending her to her room.

It's so nice to step away from it and see all the mistakes I've been making so clearly. I'm going to try to keep it up!

Quoting olivejuice2: Make their punishments fit the crime. If they refuse to help clean up, they lose the toys that aren't put away. If they don't take care of their things and stuff gets broken they either live with broken stuff or they live without it after you throw it away. If they refuse to dress appropriately to go out, they either live with being too cold/barefoot/whatever or they dont go (use your judgement). If they behave disrespectfully, they don't get to be around you/do fun things (when my 3yo dd is being a pill she's sent to her room until she can be pleasant. She HATES being sent away).

Never make empty threats. Repeat yourself once or twice, then follow through. Stay calm, just follow through.
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