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Your kid isn't coming in the door!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
2 moms liked this
My older sister is a single mother of an 8 year old boy. He is high functioning autistic, and he's horrible. I'm well aware that it isn't his fault, that the problem is the lack of discipline and the poor parenting.

He's violent, angry, has dangerous tantrums, throws things, attacks people, doesn't listen, and is uncontrollable. Everyone in our family has talked to my sister about the desperate need for discipline and getting him help, but she refuses to listen. Every time we bring it up, she just starts whining about how hard it is being a single mom, how she was blessed with a special needs child but it's so hard. A few weeks ago she and her son were at my house and after he broke a chair and hurt my child, I threw them out and told her I didn't want her kid in my house or around my children ever again.

She didn't take me seriously and yesterday stopped by unannounced with her son and said she wanted to stop by for dinner. I told her that her kid wasn't coming in the door. She acted totally shocked and wanted to know why. I explained, yet again, that her kid needs discipline and help and I won't subject my kids, myself, or my home to him. She said I needed to have more compassion and understanding for her difficulties and her son's disability.

My compassion and understanding ends right at the point where my children get hurt and my things get broken.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
acrogodess
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:43 AM
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I see nothing wrong with that and I'm the mother of a child with high functioning autism. I will however say that my son's personality has always been easy going and friendly so except for a small patch when I had to explain about being careful and gentle with friends - he's always been well behaved. He hurt them accidentally and not on purpose and that was at age 5/6.

Discipline and taking the time to explain things are definitely very important. The safety of my home and children are more important to me than letting in a family member who will cause harm to both.
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neveragain17
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:43 AM
My daughter is high functioning and she isn't uncontrollable, it took lots of hard work in therapy and most important following through! I know she has her moments but it's not to bad! The best advise I got was from a friend to take parenting classes and they helped sooo much! I'm a single mom and it is very hard but it's not impossible!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:47 AM
My child has low functioning autism and he doesn't act like that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:48 AM

I agree with you OP. Who need that bs?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 5:52 AM
I would understand even if he had the occasional temper tantrum or outburst, as long as she tried to correct the behavior. But it's never his fault, always someone else's. Someone else wasn't "understanding" enough, didn't let him get his way, he just doesn't know any better. That's what drives me so crazy, that she acts like he can't be taught when I know he can be. I can't even imagine what he'll be like as a teenager, physically strong and big and still with no boundaries or rules. He's already dangers and he's just a kid.

Quoting acrogodess: I see nothing wrong with that and I'm the mother of a child with high functioning autism. I will however say that my son's personality has always been easy going and friendly so except for a small patch when I had to explain about being careful and gentle with friends - he's always been well behaved. He hurt them accidentally and not on purpose and that was at age 5/6.

Discipline and taking the time to explain things are definitely very important. The safety of my home and children are more important to me than letting in a family member who will cause harm to both.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 6:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Good for you.  Yes it can be "hard" to have a SN kid but that does mean you can just drop the ball with them.  But honestly my guess is she would be a poor parent whether the kid was autistic or not.  She unfortunately has an excuse now.  Parents like this make me sad.  It ruins people's views of autism.  My son is almost 6 with autism and he knows there's rules.  He's not perfect but out of him and my three nephews, he's the most well behave.  We don't let anything slide.  Because one little thing could quickly turn into a big thing.  

We were at a nephew's birthday party a few weeks ago and I overheard a mom I didn't know talking to my SIL's best friend about my son.  This woman kept asking if DS was a problem, if he was violent, if he had ever hurt anyone.  The only reason she knew he was even autistic was because he has a dairy allergy so we brought him a cupcake to have during cake time.  Fortunatly, SIL's friend stuck up for DS and told the other woman that she had never seen anything out of my son.  

corticosteroid
by on Apr. 11, 2016 at 6:59 AM

Sounds like something other than autism.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 7:48 AM
Poor kid. Autistic kids need discipline, boundaries and routine. They rely on that, at least my son does. Even "normal" kids need that.
PinkButterfly66
by Diamond Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 8:54 AM

If she is neglecting her child by not getting him the services he needs, that's medical neglect and I'd report her, sister or not.  She is a shitty parent and when her autistic child is all grown up, society is going to have to dieal with an angry, violent adult who throws tantrums when he gets overwhelmed or doesn't get his way.  

TisHerself
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 8:59 AM

It's your job to protect your children. If he is a threat to their safety, you are just doing what you need to do. 

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