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I resent everything my mother does

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies
2 moms liked this

I really envy those of you that have a good relationship with your mother. 

I grew up in a very strict, 'non-denominational' household. When I was 13, my parents separated and a couple years later got divorced. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion unless my mom and the church approved of it. I wasn't allowed to listen to normal music like everyone else. Hell, even the food we ate was crap once my dad left. Most of the time we had rice for dinner. I had to baby sit my little sisters while my mom worked and went to school, then at 15 my mom required me to work full time while still attending school. When I said something she didn't like, I wasn't allowed to speak until she told me I could. 

Then when I was 19, she married a guy she met online after knowing him for only 6 months. Didn't talk to me about it. Didn't ask me how I felt. Just left. If Iwasn't on board with her, I didn't matter. 

Now I have a kid, and all of a sudden she decides to buy a house back up here, after 10 years of being 1000 miles away, she takes an interest in my life. Because I have a baby. 

I can't remember when we had a good relationship, but if I have to, I was probably like 10. That was the last time I felt like I mattered to her. 

And it really pisses me off when she takes credit for any good quality that she sees in me. NO, I did NOT get that from you. You don't get to all of a sudden be a parent again when I didn't matter to you for over 10 years. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sammichmaker
by soup sandwich on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I totally get it.
debmom07
by Debby on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:23 AM
That must be painfully difficult. I'm sorry to hear that. We only get one Mom. Maybe give her one more try. You can still be on your guard. When she is gone, she is gone.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:23 AM

She's coming here for a month long visit. Every time she comes here now, I feel like I am being emotionally beat up. I hate this. 

Quoting sammichmaker: I totally get it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. I know I need to see a counselor about it because I don't want my issues with her inadvertently affecting my relationship with my child. It's just hard to take the first step. 

Quoting debmom07: That must be painfully difficult. I'm sorry to hear that. We only get one Mom. Maybe give her one more try. You can still be on your guard. When she is gone, she is gone.


lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:24 AM
You need to let go ! I'm not saying forget what she did just let it go. She doesn't deserve the hurt and pain you are suffering . You decide on the relationship you want with her. You control it and don't be afraid to say no to her. Do not let her run it .
blue-heart
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:24 AM
2 moms liked this
Cut her out completely.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:25 AM

I know I do. I really do. I need to see a counselor but I am very scared of opening everything up again. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme: You need to let go ! I'm not saying forget what she did just let it go. She doesn't deserve the hurt and pain you are suffering . You decide on the relationship you want with her. You control it and don't be afraid to say no to her. Do not let her run it .


purplemonkey702
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:26 AM

Just refuse to see her, and don't let her see your child 

corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:26 AM

Whoo...

You need to let go of your resentments.  They will kill you in the end.

Jaide2883
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 10:26 AM
This will be an unpopular opinion but oh well. She's your mom. Give her a chance. Parents make mistakes everyone makes mistakes but it's your mom. I don't know how anyone would could turn their back on their own mother.


That being said I had a great relationship with my mother. I loved her fiercely as a child, and as a teen she was always the one I ran to when I was sad. I was rebellious and a brat and I'm sure my mom would have liked to beat me at times, but she loved me. As an adult she was one of my best friends. She was one of the first people I would call with good news or bad and she called me for everything. We were the best of friends. So honestly I could never in a million years understand your situation with your mom.
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