Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

No Smoking!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

I am grossed about by cigarettes. I have terrible allergies and I think it's a disgusting habit.  

I have an aunt who is very defensive about her smoking.  She previously stayed with my mom (a smoker also) when she came back to our area for a visit, but my mom's recently passed away.   After she had grandchildren, my mom stopped allowing smoking in her home, but still smoked on her deck and in her garage. My aunt was known for making side comments about no one would tell her she couldn't smoke in her own home.  She's come right up to me when we're having family picnics etc and talk to me while smoking and I'm like- no get away!  We never asked my mom not to smoke in the house, my other sister told her it was really bad for our baby and she made the decision herself.  

My aunt called this weekend and asked if she could stay with me when she came to visit next week. I said sure, but in the back of my mind I'm thining- how do I tell her no smoking at my house, not in the garage, not in the deck. She's welcome to smoke at the curb or in her car.  I'm dreading this conversation and it's really important to me.  Suggestions? 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
highlandmum
by Spunky on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:15 PM

Just be upfront and tell her you would love to have her but you would appreciate if she did not smoke in your house, deck or on the front porch.  Let her make her own decision if she wants to come and respect your request or decline and go somewhere else.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you need to be straightforward and blunt and before she gets there. When we have company, I have no problem telling them the mailbox is the closest to my house they are allowed with their cigarettes. On Easter, I bagged up a couple of my brothers cigarettes from my mailbox garden and gave them to him on his way out. Zero tolerance. I have kids who I don't want exposed. I was once a smoker. It's 2016. The risks are well researched facts.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:21 PM
Wow! I cannot imagine ppl being rude enough to 'think' it's 'ok' to smoke in someone's house ever! I smoked on and off for a total of 5 years. I could go 2-3 years without a cigarette, smoke a few while out with friends drinking, then not smoke again for several months. Never once did I ever ask anyone if I could smoke in their car or in their house. If I went to someone's house, I went outside and walked at least 50 feet from their house before lighting up.

If she doesn't agree to your terms over the phone, then I would tell her she cannot come to your house. It's your house so you get to make the rules. Good luck!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:50 PM
I can't imagine being rude enough to tell someone where they can stand & smoke a cigarette , OUTSIDE.


I am all for the not in my house conversation but she can't even stand by the house, that's just being ridiculous.


And yes before anyone quotes me, she should make sure not to stand by an open window, (common sense)
DirtyBirdie
by Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I would have said yes only if she agreed not to smoke during her stay. Even if she goes outside to smoke, it'll be all over her clothes all day and then she'll be getting her stench on your furniture. Gross.

My stepmom wanted to visit for a few nights after DD was born and I told her she could if she agreed not to bring cigarettes. She bought a few Blu electronic cigs which was good for her addiction and didn't put off anything other than vapor. It was a good compromise. Maybe recommend that?
Isaacsmom913
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:55 PM
Your house, your rules. I would tell her before she arrives. If she can't abide by the rules then point her in the direction of the nearest hotel.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:56 PM

Well truthfully it's my property, I think it's reasonable to say what can happen on it, it's not like I'm telling someone at a public park to move. (although I'd like to)

Growing up, the smokers dominated and they all smoked where they liked. I can't imagine what my lungs looked like! However, my mom and aunt were the only folks left who still smoked without the idea that they should move themselves away and my mom was coming on board to that. 

Quoting Anonymous 4: I can't imagine being rude enough to tell someone where they can stand & smoke a cigarette , OUTSIDE. I am all for the not in my house conversation but she can't even stand by the house, that's just being ridiculous. And yes before anyone quotes me, she should make sure not to stand by an open window, (common sense)


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:58 PM

This

Quoting Anonymous 4: I can't imagine being rude enough to tell someone where they can stand & smoke a cigarette , OUTSIDE. I am all for the not in my house conversation but she can't even stand by the house, that's just being ridiculous. And yes before anyone quotes me, she should make sure not to stand by an open window, (common sense)


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 11, 2016 at 3:58 PM
Even as a smoker, I can't stand rude smokers. I would make it clear before she came what the rules are.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2016 at 4:00 PM

The latest research says that the electronic cigarettes aren't any better, and might be worse.  It's scary to think of my kids being exposed to any of it. It's so hard when you care for someone who is a smoker. 

Quoting DirtyBirdie: I would have said yes only if she agreed not to smoke during her stay. Even if she goes outside to smoke, it'll be all over her clothes all day and then she'll be getting her stench on your furniture. Gross. My stepmom wanted to visit for a few nights after DD was born and I told her she could if she agreed not to bring cigarettes. She bought a few Blu electronic cigs which was good for her addiction and didn't put off anything other than vapor. It was a good compromise. Maybe recommend that?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)