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I am going to make a big deal out of my daughter graduating I don't care if it upsets your son

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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My dd is graduating high school this year with a 4.2 GPA. She's not valedictorian but she's in the top 1% of her class and got into her Top Choice College which is a great college that is only about an hour away from home. Not only that but she got a full scholarship which includes room-and-board. Needless to say I am super excited. Her father passed away when she was 7. I saved a large chunk of his life insurance policy for her College. Obviously I'm not going to spend all of it because something could happen and she could lose her scholarship. But I am going to go ahead and treat her a bit. I bought her a car with part of what we would have used for her first year of college. I told her to consider the car a graduation gift from her father and me. I paid the full Year's worth of insurance and I will be continuing to pay her cell phone bill. I am also going to be giving her a small allowance with some of the money we would have been using for her first years College tuition so that she doesn't have to worry about getting a job.

When we found out about her getting into a choice school and the full scholarship we went out to dinner and made a big deal out of it.

We also made a big deal out of it when we found out she was in the top 1% of the school. She is graduating in a class of over 700 kids. So being in the top 1% is pretty amazing.

In addition I'm going all out on her graduation. I am having a huge party for her. Probably close to 200 people. It's very clear that I'm very proud of her as any mother would be. I even got reservations at my daughter's favorite restaurant for the night of graduation!

Here's the problem. My step-son was also supposed to graduate this year too. However he has failed 2 classes and will therefore he will not be able to graduate with his class and while my daughter is going through all the Pomp and ceremony of graduation he won't be allowed to participate.

Last night my stepson went to my husband and told him that all this excitement over my daughter graduating is making him feel bad. Subway husband came to me and asked me if we could turn down the excitement a little bit. His son knows that he screwed up and doesn't need it rubbed in his face. I'm not rubbing his failure and his face. But I certainly will be celebrating my daughter's success. She didn't choose to be in the same graduating class with him and her success should be no less celebrated because he failed. Had they both been graduating the huge graduation party would have been for both of them. We would have found a restaurant that they both like as ss doesnt really like the restaurant we're going to for dinner before graduation. I told dh that ss is just going to have to sick it up. Dh says that I'm being unreasonable and that I'm going out of my way to make can. Which is completely not true. I would have been doing these same things whether he graduated or not ( they would have shared the graduation dinner and the party, and when he got his college acceptance letters we did make a big deal out of it. He just can't go now). So exactly how am I doing this specifically to make him feel bad?

I'm just annoyed. I understand that re both disappointed but can't they just be happy for my daughter?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:49 PM
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MOM-RN
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:51 PM
10 moms liked this

I'd make a huge deal out of it and tell him to suck it up! Good for your daughter. 

1TallMamaCA
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:52 PM
18 moms liked this
So your husband wants you to stop celebrating.. Ya no if he's that unhappy tell him to take his son somewhere else during the party, and dinner. Problem solved dad and son can have their time, and ss won't have to see the party.
Ms_Smock
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:52 PM
2 moms liked this
Well that's kind of the thing, he didn't do well, and it's for people who did graduate so....wtf is the problem?
Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:53 PM

I would make a huge deal. Your Step son put no effort into school therefore is failing. Not your daughters fault. Why did he fail? Has neither Mom or Dad really supported him much?

BCauseImAwesome
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:55 PM
5 moms liked this
I would tell him its his own damn fault. Natural consequences. You shouldnt hold back just to spare his baby feelings.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:55 PM
24 moms liked this
By all means, let's coddle the slacker and downplay the hardworking kid with a bright future. Your DH sounds like a winner.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:56 PM
8 moms liked this

I'd carry on with the plans for DD.  She's earned it.  You earned it by raising a smart and responsible young woman.  It's not your fault or DD's that SS failed two classes (he must have really been slacking off).  Sometimes the biggest lessons in life to learn are ones that hurt a little bit. 

Tell DH to take your SS to dinner or something that way SS won't have to "feel bad".  BTW, DH should have told his son to suck it up and that it was his own fault entirely he's not graduating on time.  No need to coddle or cater to SS who really blew it.

mama_danetta
by She's so heavy on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:56 PM
I would go ahead with your plans. He'll see what he could have had if he had tried just a little.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2016 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this
That was actually my husband's point. Before he sailed these two classes he had a 3.2 GPA. I think he even has the GPA to still graduate even with these two failed classes. He just doesn't have enough credits to graduate. But even still your senior year you only have to take 3 academic classes. So there's truly no reason to fail. He fail his government class which is actually a half a year credit and he failed the second half of his Spanish class I mean technically he still has about 4 weeks left of the class but between his grade from last nine weeks which was a 62 and the fact that he only has a 32 in the class right now there's no way he can bring it up so that he passes the semester. But basically my husband said that since he's doing well during high school and just kind of coasted this year it's not like he felt all through high school. To me it doesn't matter he failed. And because he feels he's not celebrated. My daughter didn't fail so she's being celebrated. It was a little bit of a problem to begin with that my daughter was going to be getting a new car and he wasn't. But that's from money that her dad left her.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I would make a huge deal. Your Step son put no effort into school therefore is failing. Not your daughters fault. Why did he fail? Has neither Mom or Dad really supported him much?

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