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Need a Perfect Punishment *UPDATE

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:22 PM
  • 13 Replies
My hard headed daughter (she's 6 and high functioning autism) has been refusing to do her school work. We have had this problem for a while and nothing seems to be working. I have taken things away. I have put her in the corner. I have gone up to the school and gotten onto her there. At the moment I'm having her redo all of the work she refused to do and also making her write her right words 3 times each as well as an apology note to the teacher. Her only excuse is that she says she can't to it but the teacher and I both know she can since she has done it before. She's a smart girl but unless you stay right on her ass, she will not do anything and when she does, she doesn't follow directions.

I just need advice on another type of punishment that might work. I'm at a loss and just really don't know what to do. She's a good girl except when it comes to this.

Update:

Yesterday I got a call from the school. My daughter's teacher told me she still wasn't doing her work and asked if it was ok to move my daughter away from the other students to see if that will help. It didn't. She still didn't do her school work. So the teacher and I agreed that the work would be sent home and done here. Last night it took until about an hour and a glad before bedtime to get all of it done, which is about 2 and a half hours. Afterwards we say down and I told her that I was done with her playing in school. I explained to her that if I got one more call from her teacher I would be coming to the school and she would be meeting me in the office and she would be spanked.

Today I got a missed call from the teacher. I called back and left a message but she never called back. So I left early to go to the school so I could talk to the teacher. She met me in the hall and told me that since she had called me, my daughter's whole attitude changed. She did her work and stopped playing during class. I told her teacher that since she was doing better, I was going to go outside and wait for school to let out. We still have a long way to go with this in such a short amount of time but I can see that this might be something that can work.

Thanks all for the advice.
by on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:25 PM
Natural consequences- she doesn't do the work, she gets held back. But she'd have no privileges in my house until she sorted her shit out and was completely up to date
mrswillie
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Can you find out about the incomplete work day away? I would give her an hour study time every night including weekends. Explain if she isnt going to work at school, she certainly will at home.


I used to give my teenagers 2 hours every day, when they brought him anything below a B on the report card. It went report card to report card. To add, if they came to me for help and the teacher for help, they were allowed to go lower than a B, but they had to prove they had been trying.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:26 PM
Ugh, this poor kid is going to burn out by third grade.
mrsmamab
by Lacye on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:31 PM
The teacher sends home copies of school work for me to sign. That includes complete and incomplete work. When she has done her all of her work with no problems, she gets rewarded by putting whatever change I have into her piggy bank to save up for something special of her choice.

Quoting mrswillie: Can you find out about the incomplete work day away? I would give her an hour study time every night including weekends. Explain if she isnt going to work at school, she certainly will at home.


I used to give my teenagers 2 hours every day, when they brought him anything below a B on the report card. It went report card to report card. To add, if they came to me for help and the teacher for help, they were allowed to go lower than a B, but they had to prove they had been trying.
mrswillie
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:32 PM
2 moms liked this
I would give her an hour study time every night regardless of what work she has incomplete, and make it report card to report card.

Quoting mrsmamab: The teacher sends home copies of school work for me to sign. That includes complete and incomplete work. When she has done her all of her work with no problems, she gets rewarded by putting whatever change I have into her piggy bank to save up for something special of her choice.

Quoting mrswillie: Can you find out about the incomplete work day away? I would give her an hour study time every night including weekends. Explain if she isnt going to work at school, she certainly will at home.


I used to give my teenagers 2 hours every day, when they brought him anything below a B on the report card. It went report card to report card. To add, if they came to me for help and the teacher for help, they were allowed to go lower than a B, but they had to prove they had been trying.
mrsmamab
by Lacye on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:33 PM
How do you figure that when she does nothing but play around at school all day and refuses to do her work? When she has good days and does her work, she doesn't have to do that.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Ugh, this poor kid is going to burn out by third grade.
mrsmamab
by Lacye on Apr. 20, 2016 at 5:34 PM
I'll have to try that. Thank you!!!

Quoting mrswillie: I would give her an hour study time every night regardless of what work she has incomplete, and make it report card to report card.

Quoting mrsmamab: The teacher sends home copies of school work for me to sign. That includes complete and incomplete work. When she has done her all of her work with no problems, she gets rewarded by putting whatever change I have into her piggy bank to save up for something special of her choice.

Quoting mrswillie: Can you find out about the incomplete work day away? I would give her an hour study time every night including weekends. Explain if she isnt going to work at school, she certainly will at home.


I used to give my teenagers 2 hours every day, when they brought him anything below a B on the report card. It went report card to report card. To add, if they came to me for help and the teacher for help, they were allowed to go lower than a B, but they had to prove they had been trying.
clairewait
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:28 PM


Quoting Anonymous 2: Ugh, this poor kid is going to burn out by third grade.

Sorry. I'm with this.

6?

I'm an ex-high school teacher with 2 in elementary school now, and 2 preschoolers.

I cannot STAND the American education system.

Consider this: homeschooled elementary aged kids, on average, complete an entire days work in less than 2 hours. 

I'm not saying you need to homeschool. I will say this though: instead of putting all this effort into how to punish your daughter, I'd be putting my creativity into finding her a better environment for learning.

Things I know: 

  1. if students LIKE the teacher, they will perform, no matter what.  
  2. elementary aged students learn best by playing, and I don't freaking care what every public school in America says about this. They are wrong. Kids NEED TO PLAY!!
  3. You can "fail" every single grade until 8th, and still get caught up in 9th grade English if you have a good teacher.
  4. One good teacher, one year, at some point in life, can save every other bad year and, honestly, nothing really matters before high school anyway. Truly. So don't stress.

If it was me, and my child, I'd focus on everything positive about school and really hone in on making sure my student doesn't hate school. And the rest I wouldn't worry about. I really wouldn't.

Sorry you are going through this, Mama. Has to be stressful. But, actually, it doesn't really have to be stressful. Stop letting society tell you what is important for your child right now, and listen to your heart.

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:31 PM
I'm a SAHM, so I have time to do this, you may not. I'd accompany DS to school until this temper tantrum ended. I'd make it clear that I was there because DS couldn't behave himself.

Basically, I'd embarrass his ass in front of all his school friends. He has no SN though.
clairewait
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2016 at 9:32 PM


Quoting mrsmamab: How do you figure that when she does nothing but play around at school all day and refuses to do her work? When she has good days and does her work, she doesn't have to do that.
Quoting Anonymous 2: Ugh, this poor kid is going to burn out by third grade.

Burn out might be the wrong choice of words, but I agree with the sentiment.

Your kid might resent you and everything abotu school very soon. And when you consider this is where she's going to be spending more than 2/3 of her waking hours for the next 18 years, it might be worthwhile to find a more holistic solution.

I'm not above punishing disrespect or the wrong attitude. But punishing apathy only creates more apathy, and resentment. Apathy is a beast of a totally different color, and I've turned myself inside out to undo it in more than 500 students. And I can tell you that 9 times out of 10, punishment wasn't the solution.

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