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You are pretty rude to even ASK!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 504 Replies
1 mom liked this
My daughter's birthday is next weekend. She will be turning 5. My stepson who is 13 will be visiting that weekend. Because of how far my stepson lives from us we only see him one weekend a month. I wish it were more and so does DH. But... It's a 5 hour drive each way. So 2.5 IF we meet in the middle with BM. But usually it's us picking up and dropping off.

Aaaannnnywaaayyy

My stepson told DH that he doesn't really want to go to a little girl's birthday on his visit. We *usually* just do whatever SS wants on his visit. Because, why not? It's one weekend a month he gets with his dad.

So DH sat me down and told me he wants me to postpone Dd's birthday (her BIRTHDAY not her "party" we aren't even really throwing a party because she isn't in school yet) a week since SS "doesn't want to celebrate." DH's reasons were:

We can give DD more attention.
We can give SS more attention.
SS is too old for 5 year old girls.
DD is so little she won't know it's her birthday unless we tell her.

So we should just postpone it and instead of celebrating on June 18 (the actual day) we celebrate on June 25.

I told him hell no. We don't have to have any guests. But My daughter and I are celebrating on her birthday. They can join us.He can postpone SS visit. He and SS can spend that day doing other things. They can do whatever they want. But DD is having her birthday. Period.

Its 3:35am and DH and I are still up arguing about it.

What do you think?

Edit:

I don't mean I want to throw a whole big birthday party with a bunch of kids on the day SS is here. I am requesting cake and presents after dinner and possibly grandparents (that are shared by the kids.). What DH wants is to completely skip the day and lie to DD in order for her to believe her birthday is actually a different date.

Edit 2:

In my attempt to compromise I requested that we give DD one gift, take the whole family out to a big fancy dinner, and get ice cream after. I even suggested we give SS a gift too. And DH and SS can spend the whole day Saturday doing whatever guy stuff they want while DD and I do our thing.

I have suggested that we go as a family to all do an activity both kids like. (Like Wonderworks is only 2 hours away.)

I have suggested that DH take SS away For the weekend and DD and I will stay home and have a slumber party and eat junk food all weekend to celebrate her big day.

I suggested we take the kids to grandmas and let her spoil them and just do cupcakes for DD.

I have tried to come up with MANY plausible solutions so that DD can still get recognized and SS can get the attention.

DH is still adamant that we just try to convince DD that it's not really her birthday and that's still a week away.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Racer15
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:41 AM
2 moms liked this
I think that you are being unreasonable.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:45 AM
My DH would agree with you. I obviously disagree. Why do you think I'm being unreasonable?

Quoting Racer15: I think that you are being unreasonable.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:45 AM
33 moms liked this
5 is old enough to understand her day is getting shoved aside.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:45 AM
43 moms liked this
The ss needs to deal with reality and celebrate and honor dd's b-day, on the day she was born. My 5 yr old knew exactly which day he was turning 6, I bet your dd does too. It's wrong to turn the house upside down on the account of a child not wanting to do any given activity. Allowing a child to create such chaos and having such control is not going to work out well. It's not worth the fight and heartache
It's either agree or agree to disagree
Imo the family does as normal especially to celebrate a loved one's birthday
MrsDukati
by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:46 AM
12 moms liked this
Why did y'all pick that day in the first place? Did y'all not know SS was coming?

Personally I think a 13 year old could be more understanding than a 5 year old abut the whole situation. Why should the younger one get told to postpone her party just because the older sibling doesn't want it to be then? I guess I'm with you, I'd be throwing the party regardless. DH and SS can come or not.

And FYI you'll automatically be in the wrong on here because you're the stepmom.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I would put off the visitation for a few days
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:48 AM
2 moms liked this
We dont usually celebrate the kids bday on the exact day so to me its not a big deal. Ss only sees his Dad once a month so yes I do think SS weekend should be about him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:48 AM

That is also Father's Day weekend

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:48 AM
12 moms liked this
Well I'm not even making a party my hill to die on. We could maybe skip that this year. But damn she's getting cake and presents.

Why did we pick that day? Uhhh... I guess DD picked it when she selected for me to go into labor when I did?



Quoting MrsDukati: Why did y'all pick that day in the first place? Did y'all not know SS was coming?

Personally I think a 13 year old could be more understanding than a 5 year old abut the whole situation. Why should the younger one get told to postpone her party just because the older sibling doesn't want it to be then? I guess I'm with you, I'd be throwing the party regardless. DH and SS can come or not.

And FYI you'll automatically be in the wrong on here because you're the stepmom.
ProudMommyChica
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 3:49 AM
3 moms liked this
That's a tough one. You have every right to be upset. But maybe y'all can compromise. It is Father's Day weekend. You want to make sure your hubby's happy. How long is your DDs birthday party? If it's only for a few hours the SS can just get over himself and tough it out.
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