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It is NOT about you, Mom!! *trigger*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
My sister found out last week, at 39 weeks, that her baby had passed away. She was induced. Her husband was with her, and she called me (we're 10 months apart and extremely close) and her husband had his best friend there. They wanted no one else there, and they didn't tell anyone the baby had passed until after she was home from the hospital.

Everyone else is grieving, supportive, and trying to help my sister and her husband through this, except for our mother. She's throwing an absolute bitch fit because she wasn't there, because she wasn't able to hold the baby, take a picture with him, because she wasn't allowed to speak with the social services, basically, she's mad none of the attention is on her, and instead of supporting and helping her daughter, she's harassing her, driving her nuts, and basically making a total ass of herself. When she tried to start in on me for not calling her, I told her to fuck off. I can't even look at her or think about her without seeing her calling my sister a selfish bitch, while my sister is sobbing because she came home without the baby she's planned for and wanted for years.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mama_danetta
by She's so heavy on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:20 AM
Wow, total dick move.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:20 AM
2 moms liked this
You should ALL cut mom off. She sounds toxic and not capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone. My mother was the same way. It was pure bliss once I cut her out.

I am so sorry your your sisters loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:28 AM
I know, I can't believe she's doing this.

Quoting mama_danetta: Wow, total dick move.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:28 AM
She's never done anything like this before, but I think you're right. I just don't think we can reconcile from this.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You should ALL cut mom off. She sounds toxic and not capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone. My mother was the same way. It was pure bliss once I cut her out.

I am so sorry your your sisters loss.
Tik_N_Tok
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:32 AM

Cut her out. We did the same when we lost our daughter, it was just my husband and me and my twin brother, no one else. We actually waited for over a week until we told anyone else, I just couldn't handle it. My mother in law reacted much like your mother, screaming and furious that she wasn't called and there. We haven't spoken to her once since then, and I never will again. I am so sorry for your sister's loss. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:32 AM
I'm so sorry for her loss. My mom did the same when my daughter died. Def cut her out. It gets worse
Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:45 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.  When you get a chance, look up Compassionate Friends (you can google that and find their website).  They exist to help people who are dealing with the loss of a child.

Was this by any chance the first grandchild?  We lost our first grandchild when he was only 3 months old.  We were lucky that we got to be there with him, and got to hold him and sing to him and read to him before he passed.  I cannot even BEGIN to imagine how much more painful his loss would have been, had my son and his SO not bothered to call us until after the fact.  It WAS selfish of your sister to completely exclude Grandma from the situation without thinking about how she would feel.  Now, Grandma's not only grieving, she's hurt and angry on top of it, and lashing out as a result.  Grandparents experience just as much pain at such a loss as the parents themselves do - perhaps even a little more, because they are not only grieving for the grandchild, but hurting for their child who has lost a child as well.  Cut her a little slack already. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: My sister found out last week, at 39 weeks, that her baby had passed away. She was induced. Her husband was with her, and she called me (we're 10 months apart and extremely close) and her husband had his best friend there. They wanted no one else there, and they didn't tell anyone the baby had passed until after she was home from the hospital. Everyone else is grieving, supportive, and trying to help my sister and her husband through this, except for our mother. She's throwing an absolute bitch fit because she wasn't there, because she wasn't able to hold the baby, take a picture with him, because she wasn't allowed to speak with the social services, basically, she's mad none of the attention is on her, and instead of supporting and helping her daughter, she's harassing her, driving her nuts, and basically making a total ass of herself. When she tried to start in on me for not calling her, I told her to fuck off. I can't even look at her or think about her without seeing her calling my sister a selfish bitch, while my sister is sobbing because she came home without the baby she's planned for and wanted for years.


~*~ Diamepphyre ~*~


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:49 AM
No, it is not the first grandchild.

I'm not cutting the woman who called a grieving mother a bitch any slack. This isn't about her. This isn't about ANYONE, except my sister and her husband. My mother hadn't even planned to be there for his birth, she couldn't be bothered to come see him, so her acting like this now is not just rude and disgusting, but ridiculous given that initially, she didn't plan to see him until a few months from now.
If she was hurting for her child, she wouldn't be treating her the way she is. That woman is dead to us unless she pulls her head out of her ass and apologizes.

Quoting Diamepphyre:

I am so sorry for your loss.  When you get a chance, look up Compassionate Friends (you can google that and find their website).  They exist to help people who are dealing with the loss of a child.

Was this by any chance the first grandchild?  We lost our first grandchild when he was only 3 months old.  We were lucky that we got to be there with him, and got to hold him and sing to him and read to him before he passed.  I cannot even BEGIN to imagine how much more painful his loss would have been, had my son and his SO not bothered to call us until after the fact.  It WAS selfish of your sister to completely exclude Grandma from the situation without thinking about how she would feel.  Now, Grandma's not only grieving, she's hurt and angry on top of it, and lashing out as a result.  Grandparents experience just as much pain at such a loss as the parents themselves do - perhaps even a little more, because they are not only grieving for the grandchild, but hurting for their child who has lost a child as well.  Cut her a little slack already. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: My sister found out last week, at 39 weeks, that her baby had passed away. She was induced. Her husband was with her, and she called me (we're 10 months apart and extremely close) and her husband had his best friend there. They wanted no one else there, and they didn't tell anyone the baby had passed until after she was home from the hospital.

Everyone else is grieving, supportive, and trying to help my sister and her husband through this, except for our mother. She's throwing an absolute bitch fit because she wasn't there, because she wasn't able to hold the baby, take a picture with him, because she wasn't allowed to speak with the social services, basically, she's mad none of the attention is on her, and instead of supporting and helping her daughter, she's harassing her, driving her nuts, and basically making a total ass of herself. When she tried to start in on me for not calling her, I told her to fuck off. I can't even look at her or think about her without seeing her calling my sister a selfish bitch, while my sister is sobbing because she came home without the baby she's planned for and wanted for years.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:50 AM
I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose a child, but then to have to deal with someone acting that way?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Quoting Tik_N_Tok:

Cut her out. We did the same when we lost our daughter, it was just my husband and me and my twin brother, no one else. We actually waited for over a week until we told anyone else, I just couldn't handle it. My mother in law reacted much like your mother, screaming and furious that she wasn't called and there. We haven't spoken to her once since then, and I never will again. I am so sorry for your sister's loss. 

Tik_N_Tok
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this

The worst part was seeing how it hurt my husband, how his mother acted. He was livid over her reaction, and that just made the whole thing worse for him. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose a child, but then to have to deal with someone acting that way? I'm so sorry for your loss.
Quoting Tik_N_Tok:

Cut her out. We did the same when we lost our daughter, it was just my husband and me and my twin brother, no one else. We actually waited for over a week until we told anyone else, I just couldn't handle it. My mother in law reacted much like your mother, screaming and furious that she wasn't called and there. We haven't spoken to her once since then, and I never will again. I am so sorry for your sister's loss. 


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