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I'm trying to be nice for sd

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 12:36 PM
  • 38 Replies
SD is at BM's for most of the summer. There is a summer school where bm lives but she'd never enroll sd in Independently and she also had major surgery during the enrollment time. (SD has autism so she needs a summer school program plus it's free and they give free lunch. Which bm struggles to meet SDs basic needs while sd visits her.)
I contacted the teacher because bm doesn't have a very good cell signal, some odd things were going on from the little communication we did have with SD, dh doesn't think about those things, and bm Hates me lately (she's bipolar so it flip flops) I asked about SDs attendance which was good for Summer school and I asked for a list of other fun free things sd could do with bm while she's there or any free lunch programs in the area. I explained that bm has a hard time financially meeting SDs basic needs but I want sd to enjoy her time with her mom because she doesn't get much of it during the school year. I asked the teacher to keep it between us.
I'm sure some people are going to say I'm over stepping my bounds but I truly have good intentions and I'm trying to be kind hearted. (Yes, I'll admit I want to make sure SDs basic needs are met while she's there is mean seriously she complained about buying sd pads and sent her home for a short period of time because of it. So call me a bitch or whatever but at the end of the day it's about SD not me or her.)
My issue is now that I have a list how do I get it to bm? I was thinking about typing it up to look like it came from the place sd is attending summer school and mailing it off to her or making a flyer type thing for the teacher and seeing if she'd be willing to distribute it to "all the kids families" via email.
I'm doing all the labor work for her and anyone else that might benefit in the area.
What do you think?
by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 12:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 12:38 PM
Oh boy.
CBusymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 12:45 PM
Don't give me that! If you were in my shoes and you had to send a child you love as your own to a person who can't even afford the basics needs what would you do to get them those basics and to enjoy the time as well?
This was what I came up when I mentioned it to dh he encouraged be to do it because he wants what's best for sd.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Oh boy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:06 PM
Is the visitation court ordered? Mom must not be that bad if she has her most of the summer un-supervised.

Quoting CBusymom: Don't give me that! If you were in my shoes and you had to send a child you love as your own to a person who can't even afford the basics needs what would you do to get them those basics and to enjoy the time as well?
This was what I came up when I mentioned it to dh he encouraged be to do it because he wants what's best for sd.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Oh boy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:20 PM
Omg. You're not trying to be nice you're trying to make yourself look better than BM.
CBusymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:24 PM
Yes, it's court ordered. We are working on a new agreement. Bm isn't dangerous (for most part) she doesn't think before she acts but I don't think she intentionally hurt sd.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Is the visitation court ordered? Mom must not be that bad if she has her most of the summer un-supervised.

Quoting CBusymom: Don't give me that! If you were in my shoes and you had to send a child you love as your own to a person who can't even afford the basics needs what would you do to get them those basics and to enjoy the time as well?
This was what I came up when I mentioned it to dh he encouraged be to do it because he wants what's best for sd.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Oh boy.
CBusymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:29 PM
That is not my intentions at all. Bm nor sd would even know that I contacted the teacher which is why I asked her to keep it between us.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Omg. You're not trying to be nice you're trying to make yourself look better than BM.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:34 PM
2 moms liked this
And while t might not be you still went about it in a shitty manner. You could have just gone to the school boards website found the info and texted bm the link. Asked the teacher of activities and programs for SD WITHOUT telling the teacher that BM can't provide the basics. She doesn't need to know that. No one outside of you, her, Dh and your lawyers need to know that. It's not your place to tell anyone BM can't. And you can't guarantee that the teacher WONT sae anything because you don't know her and she very well can.

Quoting CBusymom: That is not my intentions at all. Bm nor sd would even know that I contacted the teacher which is why I asked her to keep it between us.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Omg. You're not trying to be nice you're trying to make yourself look better than BM.
Rhodin
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Wouldn't have just been better to send SD with a whole summer's worth of toiletries, healthiest shelf-stable food you can get, grocery store gift cards, laundry soap, things like that?
MinnieBooboo17
by LauraBelle on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

i think you honestly mean well but this isnt going to go over well at all.

CBusymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 2:02 PM
Because I don't know that the gift cards would be used on food or on sd, I can't afford to support a whole other household if they all "dip into that bucket" (bm has a lady with 3 kids living with her and her boyfriend.) and it's gone before sd comes home, and I know I'd be insulted if my ex gave me everything I needed to care for my child it'd be like telling me I can't support my child or parent right. I would prefer something from my kids school that makes it look like fun free social events.
Besides even if we provide all the basics it's nice for sd to do some fun community things with bm.
If bm attends a few with SD she might find some resources and be able to see sd more during the year.

Quoting Rhodin: Wouldn't have just been better to send SD with a whole summer's worth of toiletries, healthiest shelf-stable food you can get, grocery store gift cards, laundry soap, things like that?
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