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But I need help!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
1 mom liked this
Last week I needed to run an errand that is just so much easier without kids. It takes 15 minutes tops if I'm alone but easily 45 with kids. So I called around to all of my friends asking if they could watch my kiddos (6 and 9 months), and the baby would be asleep the whole time. No after no after no.

It was a real eye opener for me. I watch all of their kids constantly. There is almost always a kid over here and if someone asks if I can watch them, I just say yes, I don't need a reason. If they want a nap, go shopping alone, go to lunch with their hubby, whatever, I don't care. I'm glad to give everyone a break. But I very rarely ask for anyone to watch my kids. My oldest doesn't like to go to the store so I just wait until my husband gets home from work and go real quick.

The last time I asked someone else to watch my kids was 2 months ago. I was only gone for 15 minutes and that was after I had babysat her kids for 4 hours that day. I've watched her kids at least once a week since then, not to mention all the other kids I watch.

My kids aren't brats, I'm always being told how great they are, and it's not like I'm ever gone more than 30 minutes. I'm not seeing why people can't return the favor. There's really no reason why they can't on the rare occasion I do ask.

So after that, I said no. But I asked people randomly if they wanted to come hang out at the park or anything. A bunch of big fat Nos. so then I got several shocked 'oh...' Reactions like I had ruined all their plans, but the reaction I just got took the cake. I just got yelled at for saying no. She called and said 'hey, can I drop the kids off for a bit?' And I said 'sorry, I cant today' and she asked me why. I told her I'm trying to clean and I'm just not up for it today. She got pissed and said 'look, I just need a little bit of help today. It's only going to be an hour and a half.' I just told her sorry and that I just can't today. She hung up on me.

I'm a real idiot. I need to just stop helping people. I'm not good enough to come hang out with, to talk to, or for my kids to be with them for half an hour. But I sure am good enough to dump their kids off onto for several hours at a time. I thought these women were my friends. I'll say it again: I'm a real idiot.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shell3m
by Shell on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Why are you an idiot because you trusted people? You should be able to count on your friends. That's on them not you and good for you for saying no. If you do say yes again make sure you tell them you'll be charging them to watch their kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:21 PM
They were just using you for your free babysitting service. At least now you know. On another note, I've never just called someone up and asked if they could watch my kids. That seems really weird to me.
Spare.Time
by on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Now you know. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:26 PM
Because looking back they have never been able to spend time with me one on one. In a group setting, yes, but just come over for lunch or sit together and talk while kids play at the park? Nope. And it took me getting desperate to just get something done really fast to realize that I'm not actually their friend.

I won't be watching their kids anymore. I only do that for friends.

Quoting shell3m: Why are you an idiot because you trusted people? You should be able to count on your friends. That's on them not you and good for you for saying no. If you do say yes again make sure you tell them you'll be charging them to watch their kids.
Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:27 PM

I've had this exact same experience.  I just stopped being there for others.  Don't see any reason to stress myself to help others when no one's ever there for me when I need help. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Last week I needed to run an errand that is just so much easier without kids. It takes 15 minutes tops if I'm alone but easily 45 with kids. So I called around to all of my friends asking if they could watch my kiddos (6 and 9 months), and the baby would be asleep the whole time. No after no after no. It was a real eye opener for me. I watch all of their kids constantly. There is almost always a kid over here and if someone asks if I can watch them, I just say yes, I don't need a reason. If they want a nap, go shopping alone, go to lunch with their hubby, whatever, I don't care. I'm glad to give everyone a break. But I very rarely ask for anyone to watch my kids. My oldest doesn't like to go to the store so I just wait until my husband gets home from work and go real quick. The last time I asked someone else to watch my kids was 2 months ago. I was only gone for 15 minutes and that was after I had babysat her kids for 4 hours that day. I've watched her kids at least once a week since then, not to mention all the other kids I watch. My kids aren't brats, I'm always being told how great they are, and it's not like I'm ever gone more than 30 minutes. I'm not seeing why people can't return the favor. There's really no reason why they can't on the rare occasion I do ask. So after that, I said no. But I asked people randomly if they wanted to come hang out at the park or anything. A bunch of big fat Nos. so then I got several shocked 'oh...' Reactions like I had ruined all their plans, but the reaction I just got took the cake. I just got yelled at for saying no. She called and said 'hey, can I drop the kids off for a bit?' And I said 'sorry, I cant today' and she asked me why. I told her I'm trying to clean and I'm just not up for it today. She got pissed and said 'look, I just need a little bit of help today. It's only going to be an hour and a half.' I just told her sorry and that I just can't today. She hung up on me. I'm a real idiot. I need to just stop helping people. I'm not good enough to come hang out with, to talk to, or for my kids to be with them for half an hour. But I sure am good enough to dump their kids off onto for several hours at a time. I thought these women were my friends. I'll say it again: I'm a real idiot.


~*~ Diamepphyre ~*~


brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:29 PM

You are not an idiot. But you need to sort out friends from users. I went thhrough the same thing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:30 PM
Yep. I'm nothing more than free babysitting. It feels fantastic to realize that.

Growing up that's just how it was. My mom's friends and neighbors would always be over or I'd be at their houses. All of our moms switched off with each other, it's just normal to me. The difference was people actually helped one another and didn't just use and abuse one person.

Quoting Anonymous 2: They were just using you for your free babysitting service. At least now you know. On another note, I've never just called someone up and asked if they could watch my kids. That seems really weird to me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:30 PM
Hugs

I use to be the same way.
But after the same experience, I always say no now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:32 PM
Yep, I'm done. It's been a nice and quiet week overall. I've just had to go to the local play area for my son to play with other kids so he doesn't get lonely.

Quoting Diamepphyre:

I've had this exact same experience.  I just stopped being there for others.  Don't see any reason to stress myself to help others when no one's ever there for me when I need help. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Last week I needed to run an errand that is just so much easier without kids. It takes 15 minutes tops if I'm alone but easily 45 with kids. So I called around to all of my friends asking if they could watch my kiddos (6 and 9 months), and the baby would be asleep the whole time. No after no after no.

It was a real eye opener for me. I watch all of their kids constantly. There is almost always a kid over here and if someone asks if I can watch them, I just say yes, I don't need a reason. If they want a nap, go shopping alone, go to lunch with their hubby, whatever, I don't care. I'm glad to give everyone a break. But I very rarely ask for anyone to watch my kids. My oldest doesn't like to go to the store so I just wait until my husband gets home from work and go real quick.

The last time I asked someone else to watch my kids was 2 months ago. I was only gone for 15 minutes and that was after I had babysat her kids for 4 hours that day. I've watched her kids at least once a week since then, not to mention all the other kids I watch.

My kids aren't brats, I'm always being told how great they are, and it's not like I'm ever gone more than 30 minutes. I'm not seeing why people can't return the favor. There's really no reason why they can't on the rare occasion I do ask.

So after that, I said no. But I asked people randomly if they wanted to come hang out at the park or anything. A bunch of big fat Nos. so then I got several shocked 'oh...' Reactions like I had ruined all their plans, but the reaction I just got took the cake. I just got yelled at for saying no. She called and said 'hey, can I drop the kids off for a bit?' And I said 'sorry, I cant today' and she asked me why. I told her I'm trying to clean and I'm just not up for it today. She got pissed and said 'look, I just need a little bit of help today. It's only going to be an hour and a half.' I just told her sorry and that I just can't today. She hung up on me.

I'm a real idiot. I need to just stop helping people. I'm not good enough to come hang out with, to talk to, or for my kids to be with them for half an hour. But I sure am good enough to dump their kids off onto for several hours at a time. I thought these women were my friends. I'll say it again: I'm a real idiot.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 1:34 PM
At this point, I'm pretty sure I have no friends, I've just been used by a huge group of women. I can't think of a single person who has come over in the past year unless they were dropping off or picking up kids.

Quoting brettsmomma:

You are not an idiot. But you need to sort out friends from users. I went thhrough the same thing.

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