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If you take her side in this, don't come back!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 88 Replies
1 mom liked this
My step sister is a single mom. Her ex is supposed to pay child support but hasn't in three months. Child support enforcement is taking him to court over this and she will likely start getting payments again or they will suspend his license. But for now and for the past three months she's been really struggling. Because not only is he supposed to pay child support he's also supposed to pay 50% of child care which was including before and after school care during the school year and summer day camp during the summer. And of course she's not getting that from him either. This past Wednesday was the first day of summer vacation for our area. She came to me crying because she had no one to watch her two kids ages 6 and 7 and she had no money to put them in daycare. Both my mom and her dad work full time roughly the same hours that she works. I'm really the only stay-at-home mom that she knows well. I told her that I would watch her kids to help her out.

Well, Wednesday was kind of difficult. She dropped them off at 7 o'clock in the morning. Which kind of sucks because even my two-year-old will sleep in till 8:30 so while I do get up with my husband and get him off to work it's nice to have that quiet time for myself. She told me that she'd be dropping them off at 8. When I asked her about it she said she forgot to tell me that she would have to drop them off at 7 because of the commute to work. She has to be at work at 8.

But whatever. In my house during the summer the kids are all expected to play or read quietly in the living room while I do the housework. This is just in the morning, maybe 2 hours. My older kids have their own chores to do. At one point her kids took every single toy out of the toy closet in the couple of minutes it took me to change the baby's diaper.

They had a fit over the lunch I served (turkey and cheese with fruit and oven fries. They refused to eat and kept whining all afternoon that they were hungry. I left their food out on the table but I was not making them anything else.

We went to playground, The 7 year old hit another kid because the kid wouldn't share a toy with him. I made him sit next to me on the bench for the rest of the time we were there.

Thursday was more or less more of the same. Only we went to the pool and I kept having to tell them to stop running stop and rough housing with the other kids things like that. The Lifeguard told me that while he appreciates my keeping an eye on them and saying something to them before he had to if their behavior keeps up like this I won't be able to bring them back.

But Friday took the cake, literally. I them them to the pool in the afternoon and they actually weren't too bad. But after, I told everybody we were having quiet time. I had to decorate a cake for my friend's baby shower which was today. The 6 old comes in whining that he wants a snack and asked if he could have some cake. I told him no the cake was for my friend's baby shower and we would not be eating it here. I finished decorating it and put it in the Cake Box. I gave all the kids a few cookies. I told all the kids not to touch the cake and reminded them that it was for a baby shower. The baby was asleep and the other kids were settled downstairs either watching a movie or playing. So I went upstairs to clean the upstairs bathrooms. I heard my 10 year old yelling "what did you do?" I ran downstairs to see the six-year-old sitting by the cake eating it with a fork. Cake Everywhere by the way. I was pissed to say the least. I cleaned him up and set him at my kitchen table and told him he's staying there till his mom got home. I asked my daughter what happened and she told me that he said he was going to the bathroom which is right next to the kitchen. When he didn't come back she looked in the kitchen and saw him eating the cake. Which of course it wasn't her job to watch him anyway I just assumed that with all the kids being ages 5 to 10 including my children they could be trusted to sit in the living room for 15 minutes.

When my step sister got here I told her what happened. Mind you I told her about the problems the days before and she kind of blew them off. But I told her that because of all of this she's going to have to find somebody else to watch them. I am not dealing with this all summer long.

I called my mom to kind of vent about everything not least of which is that I now have to make another cake! Apparently my step sister had just called her dad and he was mad that I am refusing to watch her kids knowing she's got no one else. Granted my step sister had not told them the whole story. She didn't mention anything about their previous bad behavior and she told them that I was pissed because her son snuck a piece of cake that I had made for dessert tonight. Which of course is a huge difference then what actually had been happening. My mom said she call me back because she wanted to straighten all this out with her husband. She called me back a little later and said that while she understands how frustrated I am they think it's wrong for me to just stop babysitting for her until she finds someone else. Now this is what my mom and her husband do. Before they take sides or anything they talk to each other and they come up with basically a party line and that's what they stick with. Which I guess in a way is a good thing for their marriage but it gets kind of frustrating because I'm trying to talk to my mother. Anyway I told her that I'm not willing to continue to watch the kids until she find somebody because she's not going to find somebody who's going to do it for free so she really has no incentive to find anybody else. And because of all the difficulties I feel like I've given them three chances. Tomorrow is a birthday dinner for my brother. My mom is hosting. She told me that if I'm not going to continue to watch ss kids at least for a short while longer while she find somebody else she feels that I should probably not come to the birthday dinner because that would cause drama with my stepsister. Which I think is crazy you would think the person who has the bratty kids would be the one told to stay at home. Now this is what her husband do. They take one kid side and then cut the other person out for a little bit. It's usually like a week or two and then they come back and basically the whole thing blows over. But this pisses me off. First of all why should I skip my brother's birthday dinner because she might be upset if I'm there? I told my mom that if she wants to cut me out or be upset with me or take my step sister's side in this then that's fine but next week when she wants to make up she might as well not bother. I'm not even asking her to take my side. If she wants to be neutral that's fine. Yes I wanted to be able to vent to her (as my mother) but I don't expect her to get involved in this or talk to my step sister on my behalf. But I think it's wrong that she's taking my step-sister side especially over something like this!

I talk to my brother about this and he's been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment as well. He called our mom up and told her not to worry about hosting his birthday dinner that anyone who wants is welcome to meet him out at his favorite restaurant and we will have a good time but all are welcome. He also told her that he sick of this treatment. That it is ridiculous for her to tell me not to come to a family gathering because I'm not willing to continue to watch my step sister's kids.

At least both of my brothers are on my side. I think it would have been really hurtful to me if they would have had my brother's birthday dinner and I was not welcome
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:45 PM
Bunp
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:47 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:48 PM

Are you looking for advice or an answer, or what? Didn't see any questions in there..

Quoting Anonymous 1: Bump


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:49 PM
Yes
DezarooMama
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:50 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:50 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't blame you. I would have taken her bratty kids to her work and dropped them off there after the second day. I'd never tell my kids they can't come to a family gathering either. Tough'N up or don't come. That is their problem, not mine to solve. Especially when they're over 18. Don't blame you one bit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this
It's really more of a vent. In this group a question isn't necessarily required

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Are you looking for advice or an answer, or what? Didn't see any questions in there..

Quoting Anonymous 1: Bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this
She sounds like a mess.
DanaG70
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:53 PM
What a mess!
talktojonell
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2016 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Are your parents willing to pay you to watch her kids? Any kind of contribution?

Yes, your parents are being childish picking sides and issuing ultimatums. However, that sounds like the norm for your family so why are you more upset this time?
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