Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Funeral Home Question WWYD

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:41 AM
  • 20 Replies
Not a confession but a question...

My friend who is old enough to be my mother lost her husband suddenly. My 4 year old ADORED him. He, my son also loves "Miss Toni". My question...would you take your 4 year old to a non family members viewing? My husband will be attending with me, but Im still not sure what to do about our son...anyone know the proper "procedure"?
by on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:41 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mmm2015
by Eldouchedegrande on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:42 AM
I would skip the viewing and if ms tonight adores him too maybe bring him to the luncheon after

Quoting Isaacsmom913: Not a confession but a question...

My friend who is old enough to be my mother lost her husband suddenly. My 4 year old ADORED him. He, my son also loves "Miss Toni". My question...would you take your 4 year old to a non family members viewing? My husband will be attending with me, but Im still not sure what to do about our son...anyone know the proper "procedure"?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:44 AM
I don't think the viewing would be appropriate for that age
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this
If your son was close to him, I'd take him to pay his respects. Just make sure he's dressed nicely and his behaviour is respectful, it'll be fine. Prepare him ahead of time for what to expect and what's expected of him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:44 AM
I see kids at funeral homes, even non family. I am 100% for kids at funerals. Life and death is the circle of life. May be easier to take them to a non family funeral before they go to a family one. I was 5 when my great grandma died. I didn't know her super well, she lived in another state.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:45 AM
Nope. My nephew passed away when my son was that age. We just took him to the luncheon.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:47 AM
I would take him, but be ready to remove him if he gets worked up, and explain what's going on beforehand. At 4, death is a hard thing to explain and have them understand. Having him go and exposing him to what happens when someone dies might make it easier for him to understand and cope.

There isn't really a "proper" way to handle that. If you think he can behave as he should, or are ok with taking him outside if necessary, I'd take him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:47 AM
Even I was that age, I went to a funeral, but I skipped the wake and say outside for the open casket part.

It depends on the kid, but I think 4 is a little young for an open casket. Not too young for other parts.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:48 AM
I'd take him to the funeral but not the viewing. I rarely go to viewings myself, it's a weird concept. I only know a couple of people who have had viewings and I've been to over twenty funerals in my life.
jd83
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:49 AM
2 moms liked this

People have very different views on kids and funerals. I tend to think it's a part of life, and sheltering them from it isn't doing them a service. My kids have both been to funerals, and were fine. They had questions about if the person was sleeping, why was she sleeping in front of everyone, etc. So we had a long discussion about it, and I answered all their questions. My younger son was 3 at the time, and he was a bit scared, but felt better about it all after we talked about it. I think as long as you prepare your son for what a funeral means, answer his questions, etc, he should be fine. It's good for him to get to have the chance to say goodbye, since its someone he was pretty close to.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 8:52 AM

I wouldn't expect a four year old to fully understand everything, so I'd say, help him express his adoration in another way - card, flowers, notes, or a momento a week or two after the funeral.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)